Big Girls Don't Cry (An Open Letter From A 30 Years Old Me To A 20 Years Old Me)

Dear Dewi,

I don't really know where to start this letter as this might sound unusual to anyone, including you. But yeah, am actually you in ten years time and my purpose sending you this letter was because of my so called desperation on warning you about so many things that happened and effected your life now.

Alright, first let me tell you about someone that you were going to meet in about two years time from your life now and this guy was going to became a key player in your future life and determine who you are in the future. He was a great guy and you were going to love him dearly. But, he was also the one who was going to open your eyes and show you that not everything in life would come to your satisfaction and life was not always about blue sky and a rainbow.

Okay, I can see now that am confusing you a little bit. Let me tell you why did I say what I said above. By the third year you were together with this guy, you would feel like living in a heaven where you can always get everything you want just by snapping your fingers. Everything would be served to you on a silver plate and in a crystal glass. Life was nothing but privilege because you have a guy who love you deeply and treated you like you were the only girl in this whole world.

But my dear, remember when they said that, 'When everything seems to be too perfect and hard to believe, they normally do'? You would face this phrase and proved that it was actually true. It was started with a shocking doctor's diagnose of your guy's infection that turned to a rare case of Myasthenia Gravis. It is a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disease characterized by varying degrees of weakness of the skeletal (voluntary) muscles of the body. The name myasthenia gravis, which is Latin and Greek in origin, literally means "grave muscle weakness." In English, that means an abnormality in the blood that doesn't have any cure. So yeah, this thing then turned your life and his life upside down. Two of you would experienced a turmoil part of your life that you were never even imagine before. The blue sky suddenly Grey and slowly blacken. The rainbow doesn't show up anymore, not even after the rain. None.

My dearly Dewi,

At this point, I would like to warn you about the frustration that you would deal with for the past four years of your love journey with him. The uprising arguments, the nightmares, the lingering sense of vulnerability, and the frightening of losing someone who you deeply loved. At the end of the day, you were a human being who has limit so when the trigger was pulled, the bomb exploded. As simple as that. Yeah, at this stage, you finally gave up.

Oh no, don't you worry my dear, you were not an easy quitter. No, you're not. Four years was more than enough on giving a shot. So yeah, you have waited long enough and let yourself suffer more than you should do. I know, as a girl who were so used to be so perfect in many ways, the idea of leaving someone who gave you so many happiness in life when he was in his weakest condition was kind of freak you out. I mean, what would people said? What would they think of you? A b*tch? Maybe. But believe me my dear, you have made the best decision so far so don't even bother regret anything.

My dearest,

If that you think is going to be the hardest test in your life, you were wrong. Wait until you were officially became a single girl living by yourself in a so called wild world. You would experienced how your privilege was robbed from you and deal with a real life toughly. So used on having someone next to you to always cleaned up your mess was absolutely harden your life when he was gone. Now my dearest, you have got to learn how to clean up your own mess. And since you were a stubborn little girl who doesn't want to ask for anyone's help then slow down on making one, okay?

'Life is tough but I am tougher', remember that phrase? Yeah, that what you were always said in your heart when everything was going south, and girl listen to me, you keep that in your mind forever. At some point, your nightmares, your vulnerability, and your frightening will fade away with years. The old events, the bad events, will soon became an ancient history that belong to a museum. And you will walk away, keep on walk away. Because my dear, life is moving forward, not backward. And in the end everything is going to be okay. If everything is not okay, just remember, it means that's not the end yet.

I hope you know, I hope you know
that this has nothing to do with you
it's personal, myself and I
we've got some straightenin' out to do
and I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
but I've got to get a move on with my life
its time to be a big girl now
and big girls don't cry

(Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie)

^_^