My Resolutions

Tomorrow is the last day of the year and am wondering if anyone of you guys making any resolution for the next year like I normally did. But the thing is, I was never succeed to make them happened. I remembered last year on new year's eve I said to myself that I have to make a big move in the coming year, like for example write a book, as it wasn't a secret anymore that my passion was to become an author. But instead of making it happened, I was having a breakdown that no one would believe. The year of 2010 was the year that I will remember in my entire life. So many things happened drove me to an amazing experience that taught me many values in life.

And now that the year is nearly over, I was like thinking, should I make another resolution for the coming year or should I just continuing pursue my un-achieved dream from this year? Thing is, my turbulence life in 2010 has been giving me a roller coaster ride which even until today still confuse me in seeing which one is real and which one is surreal. I even thought that am having a bipolar disorder at one point. It was the feeling that you have got on rodeo day where everything seemed to come toward you from every direction. So confusing. That is why actually I didn't even try to obtain my resolution as I have trouble myself in realizing all the things that happened in my life. Started when I lost my lovely dog Macallan who had been with me for the past 8 years, then the lost of my 2 cats whom suddenly went missing from my new place, the lost of some great opportunities in business, having accused by someone as a boyfriend stealer, and made some stupid decisions on choosing friends which cost me so many damages. All of those topped with the crumbled of my long term relationship which I thought was going to last forever but turned out it wasn't that special after all. Toward the end of the year things were getting worse and worse when my dear beloved mother had a heart attack. My self consciousness was blaming myself for that as at some point I do believe that she was having it over her stressed concerning me and my problems. I was never going to be able to forgive myself for that. So yeah, 2010 was a tough year for me. Guess God was having fun with me a bit, you know, testing me and my patience? Pushing me to the edge and see how long can I hanging there? And guess what, am still there! How did I do that? I have no idea whatsoever. Even me surprised myself after everything that I had been through, I was still here. Never consider myself as a tough chick after all. Whoa!!

So what is my resolution for the next year? Mm, let me think about it first. I won't say that I hope the coming year will be better than this year because I know for sure that it will be. I mean..come on, what the worst that could happens after all that I had been through? I'd been down there on the rock bottom of disastrous already. I don't think there's anything would topped that. So yeah, if I still have to make a resolution at the end, then let say that I will continue writing and this time I will seriously try my luck on this matter. Hey, am not getting any younger and I might lose my passion someday, so while I still have it, I've got to use it to the max, right? The thing is, either my write wasn't interesting enough to attract people to read them and leaves some comments or people just don't read anymore nowadays, but the fact is I didn't get enough critics to perfection my writes and it kind of worry me, you know..in case if nobody likes my writes kind of thing. An author needs readers because you can not claim yourself as an author if no one reads your works, it's impossible! So yeah, maybe my first goal next year is to gain more and more readers to become my followers first, while of course, continue writing. They said practice makes perfect, remember? Hopefully my dream to become an author will come true in anytime soon. Amen to that.

^_^

To all of my dear friends, happy new year! Life's tough, my friends..but we're tougher..xoxo

Garuda Di Dadaku (Garuda On My Chest)

Alright, I promise you that this is going to be my last football talk of the year. I know, the euphoria is gone already after the referee blow the whistle and Indonesia beat Malaysia 2 to 1 but in contradictory situation, that wasn't good enough for us to bring to trophy home. In aggregate, we lost 2 to 4 after in the first leg they beat us 3-0. What a heart breaking night for all of the players who fight so bad during the 90 minutes game! After six wins and one dramatic loss, we only finished as a runner up. But, as captain Bambang Pamungkas said, that's football.

So, what went wrong? Mm, I don't even know where to start. Okay, let me first talk about the different between the battle for your country and the battle for your club. Here's the thing, I've been watching football since I was a little girl back then for the Mexican World Cup 1986 when Maradona with his hand of God brought Argentina as a world champion. And believe it or not, even though I was just a kid who you'd probably never even bother asked for opinion, but I did pay my attention and done some observation here and there during the competition. And that was actually helped me a little in understanding the emotion behind every game. When you play for your country, it is more like you are going to a war to safe the dignity of your nation. It's so much more attachments in there. You will find yourself a little over emotional in this matter. While playing for your club is more like an obligation to them as they are paying you to play so. There was no different with everyone else doing their daily job to make life, do you know what am saying? It's more like a job rather than a prestige. In the other hand, playing for your country is a prestigious thing. That is why, if you read my last blog about football, I mention about how we need our own leader in the field and that is why I insisted Riedl to put BP for the first 45 minutes of the game. Oh no, I wouldn't try to say that Gonzalez wasn't good enough, but, in an important game like the one tonight, the skills and capabilities were suddenly became a secondary factor but the pride of fighting for the country was a primary one. Don't get me wrong, I knew that all of our naturalization players said that they considered Indonesia as their country now, but still, it was never the same. Ever. Let's not close our eyes to the fact that most of foreign footballers who played in our country were from poor countries which, for some reasons, great in football. So if they stayed in their countries and became a footballer there, first of all they might ended up jobless as the competitors over there are way better and more than in here. Second of all, if they stayed in their countries and signed up for their local clubs they won't get paid as good as they are here, come on..Uruguay? Seriously? Is there even any club or league in that country? Never heard of it! I know for sure at this point I have to be careful whenever I go out at night, as someone might put a hit list on me because of what I said here, but think about it first. I mean, open your eyes widely. Do you, in your deepest heart, believe that someone who just lived in a country for the past five years and happens to marriage one of the local chicks, would have the same feeling and love to that country with someone who was born and raised in that country where their parents, their grandparents and great-great grandparents before them also raised and born? I don't think so. Plus, not to mention the effect of those Garuda logo on their t-shirts that needs a pure blood to even feel it.

Alrighty, I will be gentle here, I know that one of our naturalization players has half Indonesian blood and his father was once a great footballer in this country, so I think am gonna let him getaway here. Am not going to attack him as he is kind of cute himself, ha! And don't get me wrong, by saying all of those words above, I never meant to attack anyone in particular, oh..apart from Alfred Riedl, maybe. But my point is, when you play for your country you need a leader who has all of those emotional attachments to push you to the max. That is why we need a cool dude like Bambang in this situation. True that we do have a good captain, Firman Utina, but he was just not that ready yet. It proved by his failure to executed the penalty on 17th minute which could be a turning point for our team. I knew that in his defense, Utina said that he didn't have any pressure when took that penalty, it was pure his honest decision to do so and Malaysian goalkeeper happened to read his move and that was so common in football. Well said, Utina..but who do you try to fool? I mean, I played football with my sister and my cousins when we were kids and even back then I felt a tension and pressure whenever we played. And we didn't even play for anything, just for the sake of paying it. The fact that as humans, we tend to compete with others. Our nature makes us want to be the best amongst our kind and that was so normal. So Utina, knock it off, dude!

So, what went wrong again? Everything! I bet it would've been a different story if Riedl put BP instead of Gonzalez on first half. He would've scored the penalty which built the team confidence and we would've finished the first half with 3-0 and come back for the second half with Gonzalez in and would've finished the game with 5-1 and won the title. Also, Utina would've won his Most Valuable Player title with clean record, without any stain and everyone would've came home with a big smile on their faces thinking about the bonuses that they were going to get, ha! What an happy ending! I can hear the theme song in everyone car stereo on their way back home in my ears now...

Garuda di dadaku..Garuda kebanggaanku..

Kuyakin hari ini pasti menang!!!

^_^

Big Girls Do Cry

Being single is something that some people, men in particular, consider as a privilege. Ask George Clooney if you don't believe me. By staying single means that you can do whatever you want at anytime you want with whoever you want. What not love about that, eh? That was my thought before too. And yeah, I do mean it before like before the time I write this blog literally. Confuse? Of course, you do.

Alright, let me explain to you why did I think of that. As you guys knew already, I live in the island of Bali where people considered it as the island of fun and freedom. Oh yeah, when the first time you step your foot on this island you could find your daily life in wherever you live at the moment was suck! And that happened to me too. In my case even worse, when I decided to moved to Bali, I was like hoping for some major change in my normal life lived in my parents house. I even lied to my olds told them that I got a job in this island just to made them let me out of their comfortable cage. They bought that then here I am. And since this was my first self freedom, I prepared myself for some super crazy scenario of life. But what did I get? I met a guy on my third day in the island, and the last thing I remembered was moving in with him. Instead of having my freedom, I just moved myself from a comforted zone to another even more comforted zone. Guess my self consciousness was not that ready for an adventure just yet. The fact that I preferred my cozy life lying on the couch watching TV rather than worked my ass upside down to make my own life took the biggest part in the making of that decision that change my life forever.

Oh no, don't get too excited yet, am not going to spill the detail about my previous heart broken relationship here. The point is now that am single right at the most important holiday of the year, that was more than just lame. I now realized how I need someone at this time of year, badly. The fact that I still don't get used to take care of myself yet made this situation even worse. I can not even believe am saying this, but yeah, being single is gay..so gay!

Funny thing about this was my last conversation with a friend who was single and we were talking about going out partying at one weekend and she asked me if I could join her. Back then, I said to her that at this point I wished that I was single so I could say 'hell yeah' to her question without even thinking. But because of I was not, so I had to checked with my man first and see if he was okay letting me out that night. Oh no, don't get me wrong, I knew for sure that he would say 'yes' anyway, he was actually that kind of cool guy, but still, the fact that I couldn't give an answer right away when someone asked to do something, it really bothered me a lot. Hey, what can I say? I don't do commitment, am an Aquarian, remember?

So, now back to the topic, it was just recently when I finally fully aware that I am a single girl living in an island of freedom and fun, and what did I do? I cried. I was like losing my grip and this holiday festive definitely doesn't do any help..at all. For a moment there, for a split second, I felt so lonely and suddenly missed my old life back. I want that rush and itchy feeling when planning what to do for new year eve and where to go. I want that shopping spree terrorizing all of the big sales in town. I want that joyful feeling when came home and saw the face that I've seen forever in my life. I want those back. Damn, who says being single is a privilege after all?

Then here I am, alone in my room, feeling so confuse. It's not that I don't have anyone to spend this holiday with, I just don't have the mood to do so. I was so used with the ritual that Christmas and New Year's Eve were supposed to be celebrate with your love ones kind of thing so it does give me a blue when my love one isn't mine anymore. Not that I feel sad of losing him, oh no, I've passed that state already, but I do miss all of those little things that we normally shared at this time of year. Even the silliest one, I suddenly want it back. And dang..it hurts to remember all of those knowing that it's not going to happen anymore. So yeah, I know that they say 'big girls don't cry', but am sure there is an exception for my case, isn't it? Thank you very much..Kleenex, please?

^_^

Too Much To Handle?

The other night was a big, oh no..it was a huge disappointment from our national football team who lost their mojo and got beaten by Malaysian team 3 to nothing. After being unbeatable in previous rounds, suddenly Gonzalez and his gang seemed to not known how to play football anymore. I mean, come on..not even one single attempt that they had done. Overall, they looked like a bunch of kids who just got thrown into the field and told to play. Such a useless performance!
Alright, was that completely the boys fault? Wait a minute. They were actually bunch of kids who got thrown into the field and told to play by their manager! A-ha! We got the defendant here! In football game, just like every other team games in sports, the manager was the first 'IT' factor who actually made the team. Their intuition that create such a good team to aim the winning title. Good managers can build a good team whether they hire superstar players or not. For example, Jose Mourinho. He was one of the great man who famous for not being a big spenders on superstar players, instead, he just reform the remained players and use his magic touch to make them a good team. Remember what he did with Inter Milan last season? I even believe that he left Chelsea for that particular reason. When Abramovich started to buy all of those superstars just for sake of buying them, he quit. Yeah, great managers buy players who play well, not who cost well, not who sell well. Look at Ferguson who hardly bought any superstar players lately, he just concentrate in how to teach the remaining players to play great as a team, not individually.
Alright, back to our team, one biggest mistake that we did was being over confident. Yes, we did beat Malaysia before 5 to 1 but it doesn't mean that we are better than them. We often forget that one of the reasons why we battered them on the last game was because we were playing at home. Thing is, when a team in any game plays at home, they were actually play with one additional player which is the supporters. So when last time Malaysia played with eleven men in field, we played with twelve men, and oh believe me, this made a lot of differences. Likewise, it happened the other night as well in Bukit Jalil Stadium of Malaysia. We were actually can say that we were lucky for only got beat 3-0 by them considering how bad we played. Because that means that we have to beat them at least 4-0 on the next leg and since we did hammer them 5-1 at home before so the possibility is still there. But of course, as I said above, do not over confident by under estimate them!
Then let's talk about what did the manager does wrong the other night? Everything! Oh well, am not a football critic but I can easily saw so many mistakes from the other night's game. First, I know for sure the fact that Gonzalez was a hero from the two previous games, but putting him in the field from the beginning was a mistake. Don't get me wrong, but here is the thing, true that Gonzalez is indeed a good closer, not brilliant yet just good, but he can't run. Do not count him to chase the ball, because he is actually kind of slow player. What can you expect from a 34 years old guy anyway? I mean, come on..that was like 50 in football years! Seriously! So if I were the manager I will save him for the last 20 minutes of the game so he could play to the max, and instead, I will put Bambang Pamungkas in. Hold on, don't you yell at me yet. Yes, I know that BP is also kind of old as a player, BUT, he is the leader. He was like Laurent Blanc for France national team. Remember the 1994 world cup when France won the title? I believe with all my heart it was because of him. He was the leader in field and every player looked up on him. Oh no, unlike BP, he wasn't the captain for the team but he was the brain. Like the Prime Minister to the Queen of England. Just like BP, he got the charisma and other players need him in the field. So yeah, if I were Alfred Riedl, I would've put him first instead of El Loco. I know that Gonzalez has already got his Indonesian passport, but knowing our other aspects with Malaysian, we need an Indonesian leader in the field to put our players together, to burn their spirits and use it as a weapon. Firman Utina just not quite there yet. Seriously, the game last night was supposed to be a patriotic one considering our history with this nation, but obviously it was too much to handle for the boys.
You guys were probably wanted to kill me at this point, but hey, this was only an opinion. You don't have to be agree with me, because actually am not finished yet. Let's now talk about another naturalization player from Holland, Irfan Bachdim who barely touched the ball last night. I mean, it was so easy for us to treat the players as our hero just because of they scored in a game but often we forget who actually masterminded the goal. For example, Irfan Bachdim was became an overnight sensation after he scored on the game against Malaysia on the qualification round and for some reason, it doesn't matter anymore whether he plays well or not, which actually he doesn't. I mean, he is good sometime but he is just average overall. Just the fact that he was now in the list for every teenage girls dream date doesn't mean that he is indeed a great player. I mean, shoot me if am wrong, but now I can totally see why 2 Indonesian clubs gave him a NO before. He isn't just that good. He was just like David Beckham without that bend. So if I were Riedl, I will definitely put him on the bench. And do we have any other goalkeeper apart from Markus? Come on, people..please don't make me write why did I ask that question? Alright, if you insisted, he was just an awkward guy and awkwardness was not something that we want to see in the field. Everything about him was just so annoys me, specially how easy he falls down like a feather. I mean, this is football after all, you supposed to got kicked and elbowed in there, unless if you were Gonzalez who was never mind chasing the ball..ha! Just because of he got hooked up with that Indonesian actress wanna be, doesn't mean that he is a superstar as well. Oh come on..get a life! It was sickening to hear how the Indonesian TV commentator referred him as her husband rather than his own name. I mean, seriously guys? No wonder that poor guy never played well. Oh no, I was supposed to battered him but now I feel sorry for him.
Alright..alright, actually not all of our players were bad. I mean, even though most of the goals that we produced in previous games were kind of lucky factors, but we do have some potential players to be proud of. Just because of they were not superstars didn't mean that they are not exist. Octovianus Maniani for example, he is the guy to be watch for every coach out there. He is young, fast, and doesn't really mind the spotlight. The fact that he is a midfielder, doesn't stop him running around all over the place to chase the ball and help the striker to score or even score himself and sometime becomes a defender by making a brilliant safe for the clumsy calamity Markus. Just a typical good player. Between him and other defender Arif Suyono, who plays in the same club with him, are definitely the players to watched.
So if you ask me if I have a doubt for our team in the next game, the answer is no, I don't. Am pretty sure that we will win the second leg game tomorrow, considering the two players I mentioned above and the twelfth player who will definitely help the boys building their confidence back up, but will we score enough goals to win the title? That is, honestly, am not so sure. Unless if Riedl read my blog and decided to go with my opinion then it will be a different story. Ha!

^_^

What Not To Like About Christmas?

Alright, I know the fact that am a Muslim and don't celebrate Christmas, but that was so ancient style. Nowadays, people doesn't treat Christmas as something religious anymore. Of course it is a religious matter but since it celebrates on the 25th day of December which made it the last holiday of the year, oh well, apart from New Year's eve celebration though, if you want to count it as this year celebration, many people in the world nowadays treat Christmas as a tradition rather than a religious ceremonial thing. People all around the world is having their blasts this time of year. Presents, foods, family, parties, wines, trees, decorations, lights, those are Christmas all about. Everyone seems to have something to celebrate on Christmas day. Forget about the fact that it was actually the celebration of Jesus day of birth when God sent him to safe the world, Christmas is more like a family celebration. People make time to go back home to their family at this time of year. No matter how busy they are, Christmas should be your best excuse to be with your love ones without feeling cheesy. It was nice though, spending at least one day a year to be with your folks, having some quality times together, and showing each other what love is about. And when else the best time to do it apart from a week before the year changed? I mean, there are so many holidays in a year, but we were always find an excuse to avoid family and easily say that 'Don't worry, I'll be home next holiday!' without feeling guilty. But when it comes to Christmas, there's no next holiday in the same year afterward. So yeah, you make time for it, end of story!
Funny thing is that at this point everyone doesn't seems to care anymore about work or anything else. All they have in mind were holidays, holidays, and holidays. Even the phone ring sounds like a jingle bell at this point..ha! So hard to pay attention to your job when everywhere in town all that you can see were decoration trees and lights. I can even hear fireworks almost every night during Christmas to new year's eve time. So many parades and festive mode going on! Oh, how amazing!
Then yeah, back to my question above, what not to like about Christmas? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! In fact, there are so many things to like about it! It's the best holiday of the year after all! Totally!

^_^

To all of my dear friends..happy holidays, people!!

Mother, How Are You Today?

How I hurt your feeling, I can't even justify
How I make you cry, only God knows why
How I caused your disappointment, only me can be blame
But still, the smile on your face never ever fade away
How I yell at you, no one would believe
How I broke your heart, like I was never grow up in time
How I caused every damage, I barely believe in myself
But still, your love never conditioned any of those
How I so insensible, you never bother
How I always forget to call you, I always find excuses
How ignorant I can be, you always forgive
And still, you kiss my forehead and tell how you love me
How mischievous I sometime, you give me your best smile
How I lie over stupid things, we always reconcile
How I worry you, I never apologize
And still, you catch me whenever I fall
So mother how are you today?
This poem is all about my deepest feeling
My deepest regression for being who I am
For not being a perfect daughter, for never be there

^_^

To love, to forgiveness, to sweetness, to memories, to good times, to bad times, and above of all..to mum! Happy mother's day, sincere lady!!

Forbidden Command

A couple of days ago I met two Middle East guys who were stayed in one of the eighteen villas in my compound. You may be wondering why do I talk about them, so here's the interesting part. One of the guys went to see the receptionist at the same time I was there so I was kind of accidentally over heard what they talked about. The guy was unhappy about the bathroom in their villa which was an open air one. They were like mention about how open bathroom was prohibit in their religion, which was Islam. As a Muslim myself, this issue definitely caught my attention. I don't mean from the religious point of view but from a day to day point of view. I mean, come on..you're on holiday for God sake, loosen up a little bit! It's not like you were committed one of those seven deadly sins or anything. Am pretty sure God wouldn't mind if you take shower in an open bathroom once in a while. Besides, it was open but it was still inside the villa and not like everyone else can see you shower! Duh!

Seriously guys, I can not understand some people like them sometime, who went for holiday to the island like Bali which definitely well known as a freestyle place, then complained about things like that? Don't they know this little thing called 'Google'? If I plan my holiday to some particular places, the first thing I did was to Google the place so I would prepare. They surely didn't look like uneducated persons but what they did was very stupid for me. I mean, honestly, what kind of person complaining about such things on his or her holiday? Seriously!

Alright, here is the thing, I believe religion is not something to restrain you from having a little fun in life. Holiday is not prohibit and surely taking shower outdoor as well. Everything in religion is adjustable as long as it wasn't the primary ones. So of course, as Muslims, you still have to pray five times a day and fasting on the month of Ramadan. Those are a must with no compromise whatsoever, but taking shower in an open bathroom is not a big deal. It's not like a primary kind of thing, not even secondary. Even the Quran itself never mention it, so you know what it means, don't you? Exactly, not important, dude! So let your fanaticism loose and enjoy your holiday! Go to a bar or something for crying out loud, it was a lot (by far) better than worrying about God will be mad at you just because of you were taking shower in an open air bathroom! Totally!

^_^