Hijab

As a part of me being a Moslem was always doing fasting during the month of Ramadan. It's a religious thing but towards the end, for me, it's also a tradition. I mean, I did it since I was seven, so it became a habit more than everything else. Rebelliously, I did try to brake this tradition when I just moved out of my parents' and became a resident of Bali which you guys knew acknowledge no such of thing. But sadly, the result was awful. I so devastatingly terrible and couldn't dealt with the guilt. So here I am, facing another month of Ramadan suffering myself with no food nor drinks, no nothing.

At the end of Ramadan, we're the Moslems, have to complete our fasting with this thing called 'Zakat Fitrah'. It's when you have to pay a certain amount of money or make a donation to the needy as a symbol of the reborn of new you as a human being as God did promise that He would have our sins erased if we do our fasting the right way. And what is the right way? Only God knows. Lame indeed, but that's the whole idea of Ramadan at first place. So us, the most perfect God's creatures, can do whatever it takes to win the game and get the prize. Sounds like mambo-jumbo maybe, but when you got indoctrinated about this your whole life, you will end up believing it.

So yeah, this morning I was on the phone with my dearly mother when I asked her to do the 'Zakat Fitrah' for me as I was just moved in to the other part of the island and couldn't located any mosque nearby my new place so I have no idea whatsoever how do I do this properly. As a mother, of course, my mum will take care of it for me. Hey, that what mother is for, isn't it? But there when this motherly speech of her came out. It started with a briefly suggestion from a mother to daughter about what she thinks of the way I lived my life then it became more and more specific when she brought up about my fashion statement. As someone who is old enough to defend myself, of course, I objected. I mean, come on, am not a child anymore. I entitled to to dressed the way I want, don't you think so? Besides, if any of my way of dressing myself up was indeed inappropriate according to God's rule, then it was more like my business with Him rather than with anyone else, right? Bible!

Luckily, as much as how religious she is as a person, my mum is also a democrat.. I can pretty much say everything to her. I mean, not that I can use the 'F' word with her like those Kardashians, but yeah, I can totally speak to my defense to her. I know, most of us were like dressed accordingly during this fasting month, but for me, it really is unnecessary. I mean, I believe that the way we dressed were like among all of those things that can be less effected to the value of our fasting thing. Like seriously, I can easily wear those Moslem gears right now but fail doing my fasting and then what?

To my acknowledgment, fasting is all about you and your Almighty. It's about your sacrificing all of your privileges in life in the name of God and no one, like not even one, can tell how you should do it nor that there is any certain judgment for that whatsoever. Oh well, at least not from your fellow human being, that's for sure. And this was actually what makes fasting so special compares to other religious thingy. The vertical correlation between you and what you believe therefore no one can understand the substantial but yourself. And it definitely does not define by the way you dressed. Like it doesn't.

Back to my point, I aware that many Moslems were changing their fashion statement during this holy month but for what? I mean, like honestly, I don't think that God will be so naive and see this as something more than just a trend. Come on, in God's eyes, I believe that we were more than what we wear. And for my mum to even brought this thing up was like so unacceptable. I mean, I went so far away from home to have my folks judging the way I dressed myself up back again. Ugh, now I realized how I miss the time before this Facebook thingy even exist. Remember those times when your parents can not friends you and stalking you or commenting on whatever you do in your spare times? Do you remember? Exactly!

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Keeping Up With The Kardashians

If anyone questioning who is the most famous family in the entire world at the moment, the answer is probably The Kardashians. I mean, who would deny the fact that this some kind of dysfunctional family was one of the reasons why we glued ourselves to the telly every Tuesday night. This so called modern Brady Bunch was indeed intoxicating. And they were my ultimate guilty pleasure. I know, I know, your guys will probably like laughing at me when you read this. Yeah, it was so lame that I fell for their dramatize lifestyle, but, even though I aware that there was nothing real about their reality show whatsoever, still, I found that they were succeed brought the baby talking back and even trendsetting it. And I love it. Bible!

The Kardashians were all about family. Kris is the family matriarch and her daughters' business manager. She was married to the late Robert Kardashian, best known for being a defense lawyer during the O.J. Simpson murder trial, and had three daughters and one son with him before they divorced in 1990. She later married athlete Bruce Jenner, and has two daughters with him. She owned the now-closed children's boutique, Smooch, in Calabasas, California while Bruce is the 1976 Olympic decathlon champion who married Kris in 1991. 

And there is Kourtney, Kris and Robert's oldest daughter. She co-owns a women's boutique, named D-A-S-H, with her sisters in Calabasas, California, Miami, Florida, and New York City, New York as well as previously co-owning the now-closed Smooch with Kris. She was featured on the reality show Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive. She and her boyfriend Scott have a baby son, Mason Dash Disick.

But the real star of the family is Kimberly. Kim is Kris and Robert's second daughter. She rose to fame in 2007, when a sex tape with her and then-boyfriend Ray J was leaked. She co-owns D-A-S-H and is the producer of an E! reality series, The Spin Crowd. She was a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. She launched her first perfume in 2009 and has endorsement deals with bebe, GNC (which makes QuickTrim) and ShoeDazzle. She recently released a song, "Jam (Turn it Up)", for charity purposes. She is married to New Jersey Nets Basketball Player Kris Humphries. Kim was reported by the New York Post as the highest-paid television reality star in 2010, and was estimated to have been earned $6 million from the show and endorsements for products.

And then comes Khloe. Khloé is Kris and Robert's youngest daughter. She is married to Los Angeles Lakers player Lamar Odom. She co-owns D-A-S-H, was arrested in 2007 for a DUI, and appeared in a nude photo shoot for PETA's "I'd Rather Go Naked than Wear Fur" campaign. She was also a contestant on season 8 of The Celebrity Apprentice. But the youngest and only boy in the Kardashian's Klan is Robert. Rob is Kris and Robert's only son. He graduated from USC business school, and became a model. And then of course, there are Kendall and Kylie Jenner, daughters of Kris and Bruce who became an IT teens and now following their half siblings foot steps in pursuing career in modeling. One thing I like about the show was how the girls in the family rule the entire shows. I mean, as a girl, it was so fun for me to watch the show that so women related. Check out when Kourtney had to moved out from Khloe's house to Kim's and they were carrying those big suitcases down the stairs then Kourtney was like, "Don't you have a bell man or something?" Khloe's answer was like, "Yeah, Robert. The new Bruce," Hah!

Okay, for you guys who haven't watch the show whatsoever, this was probably confusing, but, let me tell you something. I know some of you, the serious kind of people, might think that the show has no value in any category whatsoever - just another entry into the 'fast food' genre of reality programing - lots of calories, non-filling and quickly forgetful, but for me it was entertaining. I mean, I was never take life so serious, so to have something closed to meaningless was fun. A critic once said that here you have another twenty something ungrateful Hollywood raised female woman-child, in another typically ungrateful for celebrity-family with parents who are so self absorbed and ungrateful towards themselves, that you wonder how they can have time left to be ungrateful towards the children under their roof/in their lives. So what keeps me watching? The 15 minute 'clinique' beauty of the twenty something self described "socialite"? The little "naughty-bits" they sneak in of T&A just under the radar of standards and practices? The self-absorption of the parents? The back-talk and snotty attitudes the children are allowed to give to these parents? The unruliness of a blended family? Or just the idea of taking a peek into the life of "folks with celebrity" and then taking a look at your own life and realizing that mom and dad ....maybe aren't SO bad. Yeah.

But the beauty of freedom is that there will always be something for everyone. And in that freedom, you can take a look and decide if it's good or bad. For me, this show is probably indeed  meaningless and unrealistic, but it's entertaining. I know the programs like this are getting to be a standard. There isn't anything warm or exciting about viewing the life of a young woman who's already hit her peak - mentally, educationally, sexually - and is heading downward fast. Or her mother who is allowing it - even if it is only due to her own self-absorption. And a father who couldn't care less because he isn't her father particularly, just another man in a long line of men that the mother has luckily hooked her claws into. And the household siblings - the siblings to whom you have a bet going that they will either run out of the home screaming for real love, acceptance, stability, boundaries - or end up just like their older sibling on a YouTube edited soft porn segment or even worse - a real one. Whatever critics said was, still, I adore this family as they manage to make money selling absolutely riddickidong  story of their life. Two words : Bra Vo!

So, is this entertainment? Depends on you. Maybe it is a train wreck that you may stop to see for a minute or two - but there are so many other train wrecks to see in "reality TV" these days from music television to classic television channels, so why stick with this one? Even if it's only for a minute? Well...maybe to hug mom and dad and thank them that you're not ever going to end up as dull, lifeless, and boring as this family no matter how much money, TV cameras or publicity there is in the world. This shows that fame, money -- the appearance of it or the chasing of it -- isn't all it's cracked up to be, but obviously will crack those who have it. And am definitely one of those who think that this was indeed an entertainment. Am addicted! Bible!

^_^

Independent Or Selfish?

For all the times that I could remember, I was always believe that am an independent woman. As I last time checked on Google, the word 'independent' means 'not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker'. So yeah, that what I believe and am sticking with it. Until this morning.

Over my insomnia attack, I had trouble sleeping all night long. Even though I tried to forced myself to fell asleep, but this super cute little puppy I have had made herself super comfortable by laying down right across my chest and buried her head right on the bend between my shoulder and my neck, blow her heavy breath straight on to my ear. Yup, not helping at all. Leaving me with no other choice but turning the TV on, for heaven sake, at 5 in the morning!

So yeah, I then decided to watch the most boring program ever on telly. I mean, like ever. Do you want to know what? Okay, if your guess was 'How I Met Your Mother' then you were a super genius person. Yeah, what else can beat five unattractive people trying so hard to deliver a super unfunny joke to win the title for 'The most fail comedy ever'? Exactly, so somebody shoot me!

Okay, back to my super serious topic (yeah, right!) the episode was about Robin, a Canadian news anchor, one of those unattractive people, who has just moved in to New York and has just got a new boyfriend, Mike. As a fresh couple, they decided to join Marshall and Lily (yup, the other two members of the gang) on an Halloween party. Marshall and Lily, of course, dressed up as a happy couple as Marshall was wearing a pirate costume and Lily as his parrot. Oh, how sweet. But as someone who believes that she was an unromantic type of girl, Robin refused to do so and let Mike wearing costume while she didn't. During dinner, Marshall and Lily kept showing their affection on each other by sharing food and even feed each other passionately. Tempted to show his, Mike did the same and offered Robin to tried his food and, of course, she said no. Likewise, when Mike asked her if he could try her 'looked like' super delicious food, she refused it.

OMFG, I was like, 'That was so me!' Like seriously. Am honestly the type of girl who thinks that dressing up as a couple was the lamest thing to do. And I hate it when someone scoop in to my plate hence I never did the same to someone else's plate. Like ever. I mean, even if someone offer me to jump into their food, I would definitely say no. These whole times, I was blaming my OCD thing for that. But now, I was kind of like, 'Wait a minute, maybe it wasn't my OCD thingy, maybe it was just me?' I could be, couldn't it?

After Mike broke up with her that night, Robin was like having this some kind of introspection thing on herself. She finally realized that she was actually a kind of girl who was not in to a commitment whatsoever, yet. She found it hard for her to deal with sharing thingy. Then she tried to resembling herself as a growing up teenager when she chose to play tennis rather Basket Ball as it was so easy for her because in tennis it was only her out there. She even had an issue to do double. OMFG, once again, I was like, 'So did I!' I mean, like super seriously, I also prefer tennis when I was in High School as for me it was also easy to deal with only 'I' then with 'We'. Even now, I prefer to do things by myself. I don't do group activities so much as I was never enjoy it. My ex-boyfriend who was the only one who aware about this as we were like together almost like forever, said that I was an unbelievably selfish human being. Like really? Just because you don't recognize 'We' and only acknowledge 'I', does that mean that you are a selfish human being?

Oh well, I don't know. Those two words are definitely have a tiny line separated them. Anyway, independent or selfish, one thing I've learned this morning was to not ever, like never ever, judge anything until you dived in to it personally. I mean, who would ever thought that the program that I avoid to watch these whole times because of my pre-judge thought that it was like the lamest program on telly would taught me a lesson of life. Hah!

^_^

Everybody Loves Shalome

As everyone has probably knew already, I have this some kind of obsession towards dogs, especially puppies. Living in a house without dog was never an option. So devastated. Then yeah, ever since I lost my dog, Macallan, over a cruelty of some irresponsible people, I dedicated myself to a mission of dog searching. First, of course, I went to pet shops. But unfortunately, seemed like pet shops were not one of my things. Either none of the pups there liked me, or I found myself had no connection with them whatsoever.

Desperate in the need, I then decided to visit Bali Animal Welfare, an animal shelter for cats, dogs, and monkeys that had been abandoned on the street. And there, where I met this cute little black Balinese puppy that changed my perspective in many ways. I mean, my whole life, I was never interested on female pet. Honestly, dealing with myself as a girl was already give me headache all the time, then why would I want to have another one? Hah!

But that was until I saw Shalome. Yup, I named her Shalome and no, I don't know why, but that name came into my head right after I first looked into her eyes. She looked so sweet and shy. A little bit scared, of course, but in a lovely way. Within a second, I fell in love. So yeah, she was my baby ever since.

Okay, okay...I aware that Cesar, the dog whisperer, said to not humanize your animal but in real life it was so hard to not to. I mean, when you're in love with someone so bad, animal or not, I bet you would desperately want to show it to anyone in any way. I know that this was my bad, but when it comes to animal, especially dogs, my obsession was like beyond. I don't know why, but I felt so deeply touched with them rather than with human being. My ex-boyfriend knew about this so well and he used to said that, 'Animals get more loves than I do,' and I used to answer, 'Absolutely,' to that sentence. Hey, maybe that was why we broke up at the end, hah!

But yeah, for the past ten days, my life was never about me, myself, and I anymore. Shalome was always there, right between me and myself. Life was like so full of bliss and I can't even ask for anything else no more. Oh well, except for a new shop. And those House of Harlow's sunglasses. Or that P. Diddy's Unforgivable scents. Okay, among all those material thingy, still, Shalome was like everything to me at the moment. Wake up every morning to her furry body was like forever. I mean, it was like beyond. So unbelievably blessed. And this little pup of mine was stealing everyone's attention no matter we go. Every time I took her to a restaurant for breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, people were like queuing for her cuteness. The loves were all around her and am a super proud momma. Oh my goodness, I need to find a man like super quick! This obsession was beyond tolerable. 

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For those who want to adopt Bali dogs, please do not hesitate to visit Bali Animal Welfare Association website www.bawabali.com for details. 

Big Girls Don't Cry (An Open Letter From A 30 Years Old Me To A 20 Years Old Me)

Dear Dewi,

I don't really know where to start this letter as this might sound unusual to anyone, including you. But yeah, am actually you in ten years time and my purpose sending you this letter was because of my so called desperation on warning you about so many things that happened and effected your life now.

Alright, first let me tell you about someone that you were going to meet in about two years time from your life now and this guy was going to became a key player in your future life and determine who you are in the future. He was a great guy and you were going to love him dearly. But, he was also the one who was going to open your eyes and show you that not everything in life would come to your satisfaction and life was not always about blue sky and a rainbow.

Okay, I can see now that am confusing you a little bit. Let me tell you why did I say what I said above. By the third year you were together with this guy, you would feel like living in a heaven where you can always get everything you want just by snapping your fingers. Everything would be served to you on a silver plate and in a crystal glass. Life was nothing but privilege because you have a guy who love you deeply and treated you like you were the only girl in this whole world.

But my dear, remember when they said that, 'When everything seems to be too perfect and hard to believe, they normally do'? You would face this phrase and proved that it was actually true. It was started with a shocking doctor's diagnose of your guy's infection that turned to a rare case of Myasthenia Gravis. It is a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disease characterized by varying degrees of weakness of the skeletal (voluntary) muscles of the body. The name myasthenia gravis, which is Latin and Greek in origin, literally means "grave muscle weakness." In English, that means an abnormality in the blood that doesn't have any cure. So yeah, this thing then turned your life and his life upside down. Two of you would experienced a turmoil part of your life that you were never even imagine before. The blue sky suddenly Grey and slowly blacken. The rainbow doesn't show up anymore, not even after the rain. None.

My dearly Dewi,

At this point, I would like to warn you about the frustration that you would deal with for the past four years of your love journey with him. The uprising arguments, the nightmares, the lingering sense of vulnerability, and the frightening of losing someone who you deeply loved. At the end of the day, you were a human being who has limit so when the trigger was pulled, the bomb exploded. As simple as that. Yeah, at this stage, you finally gave up.

Oh no, don't you worry my dear, you were not an easy quitter. No, you're not. Four years was more than enough on giving a shot. So yeah, you have waited long enough and let yourself suffer more than you should do. I know, as a girl who were so used to be so perfect in many ways, the idea of leaving someone who gave you so many happiness in life when he was in his weakest condition was kind of freak you out. I mean, what would people said? What would they think of you? A b*tch? Maybe. But believe me my dear, you have made the best decision so far so don't even bother regret anything.

My dearest,

If that you think is going to be the hardest test in your life, you were wrong. Wait until you were officially became a single girl living by yourself in a so called wild world. You would experienced how your privilege was robbed from you and deal with a real life toughly. So used on having someone next to you to always cleaned up your mess was absolutely harden your life when he was gone. Now my dearest, you have got to learn how to clean up your own mess. And since you were a stubborn little girl who doesn't want to ask for anyone's help then slow down on making one, okay?

'Life is tough but I am tougher', remember that phrase? Yeah, that what you were always said in your heart when everything was going south, and girl listen to me, you keep that in your mind forever. At some point, your nightmares, your vulnerability, and your frightening will fade away with years. The old events, the bad events, will soon became an ancient history that belong to a museum. And you will walk away, keep on walk away. Because my dear, life is moving forward, not backward. And in the end everything is going to be okay. If everything is not okay, just remember, it means that's not the end yet.

I hope you know, I hope you know
that this has nothing to do with you
it's personal, myself and I
we've got some straightenin' out to do
and I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
but I've got to get a move on with my life
its time to be a big girl now
and big girls don't cry

(Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie)

^_^

So Much For A Wonder Woman

This morning was one hell of a starting day for me. I got this big box from my shop laid on the floor of my living room since last night and so this morning, before starting anything, I decided to acted as a wonder woman and lifted it up planned to moved it into my bedroom. You know, just to tidy things up. Ignoring my clumsiness, my super strong muscle managed to lifted it up and carried it away until I reached my bedroom door which, for some reason, decided that it was best time to be stuck. Perfect. Refused to gave up, I just pushed the door with one arm while still holding the box. Hey, am a wonder woman, remember?

Yeah, right. Instead of opening the door, I got my hand hit the door so hard hence my ring finger to be stuck on the door handle...ouch! The pain was like no others, swear to God I was never felt so pain before, not even when I got hit by motorbike. Seriously! Panicking seeing my bloody finger and couldn't find any aid kit around to stop it, I then wrapped my hand with towel and run to the reception. Yeah, what a tragedy to be happened first thing in the morning. Typical. While the guy in the reception opened their aid kit to help me, my vision started to gone. I honestly about that closed to fainted as everyone know probably that I have this super low blood pressure that makes me closed to became a vampire, hah!

So yeah, what a hell of a starting day for me. A few minutes before the drama, I was actually talking to a dear friend which I supposed to meet for a breakfast date and since the meeting point was just around the corner of my place, I was like telling him that I would be there in then minutes and swore to him that I won't be late like I was normally did. Yeah, so much for that too. I was like amazed myself so bad learning that when everything seemed to be perfect, nothing could gone wrong, then the jinx suddenly took over. Always. Bad karma? Maybe. Or was that just a simply clumsiness? I don't know. Could be both.

After this so called tragedy, I went to see my dear friend for a breakfast and ordered myself big cup of tea and put in as much sugar as I could into the cup...yeah, needed it so bad. I was started to see stars all over my head and felt like the world was spinning just like a turn table on the DJ booth. And when I told my dear friend about the incident that caused me late and OMFG! For the first time in my life I finally met someone who carries the same jinx as me. He was like surprised himself too. Here we are, two different people from two different continents, accidentally became friends in the island of no one, found out that we actually have carry the same jinx. So yeah, to be honest with you, am not that sure anymore about the tragedy of my finger. I mean, it could be him rather than me. It could be because of am going to see him then the tragedy happened. Because of his jinx! That's what I believe and am sticking with it, hah!

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