Jealous Woman (A Poem)

Am a jealous woman

So I jealous to those buttons

I jealous to that shirt

For being with you the whole day

Am a jealous woman

So I jealous to those socks

I jealous to your shoes

For taking you away from me

Am a jealous woman

So I jealous to that cup of tea

I jealous to those biscuits

For making your day every afternoon

Am a jealous woman

So I jealous to that plane

I jealous to those tickets

For allowing you travel so far away

Am a jealous woman

So I jealous to those wines

I jealous to those champagnes

For keeping you entertained at night

Am a jealous woman

So I jealous to the umbrella

I jealous to the sunscreen

For protecting you against the nature

Am a jealous woman

So I jealous to your dog

I jealous to your cat

For sleeping with you when the night comes

Am a jealous woman

So I jealous to the rain

I jealous to the wind

And everything else that moves around you

Am I jealous woman

Because I am a lover

And God creates jealousy

So people know what love is

^_^

Imperfectly Perfection

Have you ever been in the situation where your relationship with your love one doesn't go the way you want it to be? Well, I do. Here is the thing, I had been together with my previous partner for as long as I can remember. We never had any serious problem that needed our concerns whatsoever. Seemed so perfect from the outside but not so much in the inside. No, am not going to spill the details here but I just want to open everyone else's mind that sometime something that look so perfect actually is the sign of an imperfection. When everything seems to be following your way, sometime it blinds you of what your gut was telling you. Just like what happened to me, even though my gut was always telling me that he was never the one but I thought I could make him. I mean, come on, he was so perfect and he did nothing wrong. And to be honest with you, I did think that he was at the beginning, but toward our fifth years together I lost it. The feeling wasn't even there anymore. But, because of everything seems so decent, I have no reason to changed it. So, despite on what I felt inside me, I just carried on. I thought that was the right thing to do, but I was wrong. Totally.

When your feeling to your love one becomes flat, actually that's when the alarm went off. I mean, it doesn't have to be like a fight or an argument or something, but when you feel like having a good friend next to you instead of partner, then that's actually the time to make a change. And no, it doesn't have to be something extreme like what I did, but it was definitely the time. You can either fix the relationship so you can be together still or move on with your own life. As for me, I chose the last one. I mean, I don't have many friends, everyone knew that. Am actually the kind of person who loves do things alone. I don't really do friendship, only for few people who I really like and can take advantage from. Ha! So yeah, the point is  when the feeling between you and your partner turned flat and it was more like a friendship thingy, as for me, it is time to move on. Come on, you can't sleep with your good friend, can you? That is so gross!!

So yeah, then I took an action which probably made everyone judged me as an ignorant selfish unbelievably heartless human being. But I couldn't help myself and pretending anymore. Our thing was over, us doesn't belong to him and me anymore. Our 'oh so perfect' relationship turned bitter and flat. Whether if we like it or not, the reality was so obvious. The one way system road that we walked on before is now separated into two. As a dear friend once said, we can actually change our destiny with our conscious action, then yeah, I hope what I did just now can make my destiny in the future even better than what God has wrote for me. And so does for him. I hope that we (my ex and me) can be good friends in the future, because that what he was to me for the past two years of our togetherness, a truly good friend.

^_^

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Friends Believe

So, it was no secret to anyone that I am a big fan of Entourage, a TV show about four young guys who have been best friends since they were little boys. They all from the same are which was Queens of New York. One of them, Vincent Chase, is becoming an 'it' guy in the film industry hence his migration to Los Angeles, following his step brother, Johnny Chase a.k.a Drama who is an Hollywood has been. Together with him, he took his gang. Eric a.k.a E, a super serious guy, who is later on hired as his manager, and Turtle, a stalk hip hop want to be producer, who is happily enough to just drive his superstar best friend around the town. The male bonding thing between four of them is kind of beyond friendship, and as for me, I clicked with these boys right after I watched them for the very first time. Actually I didn't watched the first season from the beginning but then I bought their DVDs and collected them from the first to the sixth season. Yeah, you can say that am addicted to them! Big time!

Now here's the thing, I didn't just get this addiction without any reason. I personally admire their friendship and really get into their stuffs. They seem so real as well as everything else, seem so true and could've happened to any of us in real life. For example, in one of the episodes, a guy from their childhood named Dominic came to visit. He was just got out of jail for some felony thing he did. E as the wise one had a little bit of objection on having Dom in the house Vince rented for them. He was concerned about Vince's image as the new superstar of Hollywoodland if people find out who his friend was. But Vince, over everyone else's doubt, ignored it. He felt like he was kind of owe Dom for everything that he has now. When they were in high school back then, Dominic got caught with some illegal amount of weeds which actually belong to Vince. But instead of telling the truth about that, Dom took the blame and go to jail to protected Vince as he was already labeled as trouble maker anyway but Vince wasn't. So Vince wanted to pay that back.

During his stay with the boys, everyone, apart from Vince, was like keeping their awareness awake. Anything went wrong, they looked at Dom right away. But Vince believes everything that Dom said. Dom convinced him that he was changed as he got married and has a son now. Forget about the series but I just got hit by the essence of the storyline. One thing I agree without any hesitation is, if you call yourself a friend, that means you don't question. Friends don't doubt, friends believe. Even though sometime you might find that you were wrong, that the person you thought was your friend turned out to be someone different and you barely recognized him or her, but as a friend you were kind of having no other choice apart from accept it. I mean, people change. So if you still want to call yourself as a friend to that person, than you have to bended your things a little bit for him. Or her. As for me, I do practice this belief in the way of my making friends. If you guys like questioning me, that's when I know that you were not a friend. Maybe that's why I don't really have a lot of friends. Because I was never questioning any of my friends, then I determine the same thing. I think that's fair enough. So, are you my friends? Then stop questioning!

^_^

Smart/Manipulative (Cheeky Mummy)

That was the first things that came in to my head when I watched Keeping Up With The Kadarshians this afternoon from my comfy bed. Hey, what's wrong with that? That was definitely the best thing that you could do on Sunday afternoon curing your hangover from the night before. Ha! Alright, back to the topic. In one of the episodes, Khloe was trying to approach her new husband Lamar, the LA Lakers basketball player, to buy her a house that cost US$ 5.9 millions. Even though he was a super rich athlete, but still, he was kind of shocked knowing the price. Then when Khloe told her mum, Kris, about Lamar reaction to the price, guess what she said? Literally, she was like suggested her daughter to get some rose petals and candles, put them in the bedroom then sexed it up a little bit. Then, according to Kris super genius mind, he will be more than happy to get the house for her. So right! One thing I love about this dis-functional family was the miseducation between parents and children that sometime correctly acceptable as in a modern family who live in a modern life.

Then here's the thing, as a woman, I can easily connected to this situation. I mean, men sometime don't get it. We want to appreciate ourselves by having the best things in life. And it's not that we don't know how hard you guys work for the money you earned, but we're women, we supposed to be big spenders. We were destined to be like that. There must be something wrong with us if we don't. And come on, as long as it won't broke you, then I don't see anything wrong with that. Hey, women know how to spend money as much as men know how to make money! Oh don't you love being a woman? Ha!

Back to the title, I then came to a conclusion that women are actually smart and manipulative. We seem to happened to be expert in making our ways by manipulating men's thought. We knew how to deal with men's ego hence we tend to reach our goals almost all the time. And in the other hand, men seem to let themselves to be manipulated by women. Honestly, I believe that men actually kind of knew this already. They are not stupid, aren't they? Then why did they fall into this trap over and over again? Are women that smart? Or we just so good in manipulation? Or men just simply don't really pay any attention?

^_^

Blessed From The Past

As you guys probably knew already that I just moved in to a new villa in an area called Seminyak. Seminyak is actually a center of boutiques and decent nightlife in Bali. If you hear whole the time about Kuta, then this one is a proper version of it. You can get everything that you can normally get in Kuta but in a civilized kind. Alright, you can say that Seminyak is a snobby Kuta! Yeah, that's actually true, but for me, as am not that young, reckless, and wild anymore so Seminyak is definitely my type of thing.

And as everyone can read in my previous blog, I was talking about this certain villa which gave me a good feeling beneath. In English, the villa's name means 'The Past'. The reason I moved out from my old place was to disconnected with my past. Then..voila! I found the place that has the same meaning. Coincidence? You tell me!

Oh well, never mind, let's talk about the place then. Villa Lalu (that's obviously the name) is actually the very first boutique villa in Seminyak and it has eighteen villas surrounding a super cool swimming pool which has fabulous night view with its super sensational lighting. Just by looking at the pool at night time already gave me a sort of romantic feeling. Then don't blame me if I find someone to fall in love with in this place. Blame it on the pool and whoever designed the lighting was. Ha! The villa itself, the one that I occupied in, was actually just a normal type of villa in Bali. Yeah, you can find many villas similar to this one easily, but you can not find the same atmosphere. I felt something different right when I breath in the air of the place. It gave me peace, and I don't know how but I can see myself settle in this place in near future. So no matter how people said that I was overpaid the place, but what was it compare to the feeling I have got when I was there? Nothing. And believe it or not, even though the place was actually in the middle of one of the busiest area in Bali, but I can barely hear anything at night. So peacefully quite. Weird!

Now, let's talk about the people here. The first time I came to check on the place, I met a humble young guy who was, at the end, I found that he was the owner of the place. He was so normal and friendly hence fool me on how old was he. Seriously, I thought that he was in his early thirties but turned out he was pretty much older. Am not an easy person to make friend with, but for some reasons, I found myself easily connected to him. We were like two old buddies who were just met after a shortly break, despite on our age barrier. Too many things in common and he was like way from being boring, unlike some people in his generation. Then yeah, what else do you want to asked for, apart from a friend, someone who you can talk to, in your first day of moving in to a new place? Am pretty much blessed.

So if you guys want to know if I was still confused with my suddenly changing life, my answer would be : "Yes, I am". But for some reasons, I got this strange feeling that now that I surrounded by great atmosphere around, then I will be alright.

^_^

Moving In And Moving On

Becoming single at certain age was not as much fun as when you were in your early twenties. So of course, a few weeks ago when I found that I was suddenly single, I was confused. I don't know why, but am not sad or devastated, or anything, but confused. The fact was, I just realized that I have never been single for the past eleven years of my life. This, actually, makes me kind of losing my grip, plus am not that young anymore, plus I was so used to have someone cleaned-up my mess so having the situation where I have to deal with everything by myself now give me a sort of problem understanding the reality. I need that so called compass that guarded me on daily basis. Yeah, am that lame!

But, as wise men said, life goes on. So yeah, the choice was having stuck with the past and questioning the situation or making the move and forget what happened. I chose the last one. Yeah, actually I myself, doesn't even know where did I get this strength from, oh..apart from having a conversation with a dear friend, who gave me a few words that kind of opened my mind that I could do this. Life doesn't end up just because of you were suddenly single. Life moves on. Whether you move on with it or not, it won't change anything. You can cry your eyes off, you can blame anyone or anything, you can question everything, but it will not change anything. Then why bother?

So my first move was giving myself a brand new start. Yeah, last night I moved in to a new villa in a totally new area from my past life. I really don't want to connect with anything from the past anymore. I mean, life goes on, not goes back. True, sometime we might need a flashback of what we had in the past, but in this situation I don't see it's necessary. What I had in the past was hard yet awesome because it actually taught me how to be strong and be responsible for everything that you've done. I have no regret whatsoever. Guess they were right when they said what doesn't kill you make you stronger.

Do you believe in destiny? Well, I do. When I had a relationship disturbance last time, I don't blame him and obviously don't blame myself either, but I put it on my destiny. Just because I was with a great guy who was totally lovable, it doesn't mean anything if my destiny doesn't include him. Maybe it sounded selfish, but for me that was the truth and I don't owe anyone any explanation. I feel bad for not having a sad feeling of losing him, but I can not lie and pretend to be. To be honest with you guys, I actually feel relieved. So yeah, somebody shoot me!

As I said above, last night was my first big move by moving in to a new villa. And I love it! When I went to see the place yesterday night, I felt the vibe right away. I don't know what or why, but the ambient hit me just like that. There was something about the place and I feel it. Then I met the owner, a young friendly Balinese guy who was totally cool. On the spot, I sealed the deal. So last night after work, I checked myself in and this morning I fell in love even more. The place gave me some kind of peace and I do believe over everything else in my life that I will be good and survive in it.

I know, some people might think that am a heartless. Some people might hate me or even judge me for what happened. But I can only care less. And am not going to justify myself to anyone whom, in my opinion, has nothing to do with this situation. I knew for sure, many people from my past, who were only knew the story from one side, would decide that am the guilty one here but I don't really pay any attention to that. I don't live my life according to others opinion. My life is about me, myself , and I. Call me a cold b*tch, but am done worrying about what other people might think of me. Seriously, it was tiring. I have so many things to grateful in life then why should I care about a small thing like that? A dear friend once said, no matter what you did, bad or good, someone will always has some ugly things to say about it. So again, why bother? Then yeah, I can now officially said that I moved in and move on.

^_^