Moving In And Moving On

Becoming single at certain age was not as much fun as when you were in your early twenties. So of course, a few weeks ago when I found that I was suddenly single, I was confused. I don't know why, but am not sad or devastated, or anything, but confused. The fact was, I just realized that I have never been single for the past eleven years of my life. This, actually, makes me kind of losing my grip, plus am not that young anymore, plus I was so used to have someone cleaned-up my mess so having the situation where I have to deal with everything by myself now give me a sort of problem understanding the reality. I need that so called compass that guarded me on daily basis. Yeah, am that lame!

But, as wise men said, life goes on. So yeah, the choice was having stuck with the past and questioning the situation or making the move and forget what happened. I chose the last one. Yeah, actually I myself, doesn't even know where did I get this strength from, oh..apart from having a conversation with a dear friend, who gave me a few words that kind of opened my mind that I could do this. Life doesn't end up just because of you were suddenly single. Life moves on. Whether you move on with it or not, it won't change anything. You can cry your eyes off, you can blame anyone or anything, you can question everything, but it will not change anything. Then why bother?

So my first move was giving myself a brand new start. Yeah, last night I moved in to a new villa in a totally new area from my past life. I really don't want to connect with anything from the past anymore. I mean, life goes on, not goes back. True, sometime we might need a flashback of what we had in the past, but in this situation I don't see it's necessary. What I had in the past was hard yet awesome because it actually taught me how to be strong and be responsible for everything that you've done. I have no regret whatsoever. Guess they were right when they said what doesn't kill you make you stronger.

Do you believe in destiny? Well, I do. When I had a relationship disturbance last time, I don't blame him and obviously don't blame myself either, but I put it on my destiny. Just because I was with a great guy who was totally lovable, it doesn't mean anything if my destiny doesn't include him. Maybe it sounded selfish, but for me that was the truth and I don't owe anyone any explanation. I feel bad for not having a sad feeling of losing him, but I can not lie and pretend to be. To be honest with you guys, I actually feel relieved. So yeah, somebody shoot me!

As I said above, last night was my first big move by moving in to a new villa. And I love it! When I went to see the place yesterday night, I felt the vibe right away. I don't know what or why, but the ambient hit me just like that. There was something about the place and I feel it. Then I met the owner, a young friendly Balinese guy who was totally cool. On the spot, I sealed the deal. So last night after work, I checked myself in and this morning I fell in love even more. The place gave me some kind of peace and I do believe over everything else in my life that I will be good and survive in it.

I know, some people might think that am a heartless. Some people might hate me or even judge me for what happened. But I can only care less. And am not going to justify myself to anyone whom, in my opinion, has nothing to do with this situation. I knew for sure, many people from my past, who were only knew the story from one side, would decide that am the guilty one here but I don't really pay any attention to that. I don't live my life according to others opinion. My life is about me, myself , and I. Call me a cold b*tch, but am done worrying about what other people might think of me. Seriously, it was tiring. I have so many things to grateful in life then why should I care about a small thing like that? A dear friend once said, no matter what you did, bad or good, someone will always has some ugly things to say about it. So again, why bother? Then yeah, I can now officially said that I moved in and move on.

^_^