I Don't Like Monday

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150878604961334

So Long, Farewell, I Have To Say Goodbye..

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150878019556334

Me Love Jack And Amir

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZvBT0ILJkk&feature=relmfu

Me Love Kim

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZNEPYswd6g&feature=relmfu

Teach Me How To Douggie - My 1st Vlog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbo3rKO7nrc&feature=relmfu

Liar Liar Burn In Fire

How often have we told ourselves we hate lies? Yet, we do resort to speaking some amount of lies for various reasons. We lie when it is convenient for us and it is considered that 'white lies' are basically harmless if spoken with the right intention. The reasons for why a person lies could be many - it could be to cover up for something or even to get out of a situation. However, the problem starts when one becomes habituated to it. Lies being told for no rhyme or reason can damage your life to a great extent - professionally and personally as well. This fact is what am dealing with at the very moment. Imagine a person lying to make his/her way through without giving it a thought as to how his/her lying would affect other people around them. That's exactly what a person like me, a pathological liar does. 

Lying is the act of making a false statement. Most people do so out of fear.  Pseudologia fantastica, mythomania, or pathological lying are three of several terms applied by psychiatrists to the behavior of habitual or compulsive lying. It was first described in the medical literature in 1891 by Anton Delbrueck. Although it is a controversial topic, pathological lying has been defined as "falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime. Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental illnesses. For instance people who suffer from antisocial personality disorder use lying to benefit from others. Some individuals with borderline personality disorder lie for attention by claiming they’ve been treated poorly. Pathological lying, on the other hand, can be described as an addiction to lying. It is when an individual consistently lies for no personal gain. The lies are commonly transparent and often seem rather pointless. Pathological lying is considered a mental illness, because it takes over rational judgement and progresses into the fantasy world and back.

By this point, you guys might be confused and like, 'What the heck are you talking about?' Alright, let me clarify what am I talking about here. Over this past two months I've been dating a great guy but screwed him up badly with my habitual lies. Yup, am that kind of girl that everyone hated so much and wished never deal with whatsoever. I don't know when this thing started but all that I know was I constantly lying to others but I never meant to hurt them deliberately. I mean, of course, I knew for sure when I lie it might caused someone to get hurt but I can not help myself. Am an addict and my addiction is to lie.

I know, you guys would probably like, 'WTF? Did she just admit it that she has a mental illness?' Yeah, it was not easy for me to just say this out loud, but I know it's time for me to come clean and out of the closet where I've been hiding in for so very long time now. In my case, am pretty sure that am a Pseudologia Fantastica that came from my Pathological Lying, where I was so used to lie so it's taking over my life henceforth I couldn't see which one was a true and which one was not anymore. In some point, I don't even remember what I just told people like five seconds ago. Am not a shrink but thanks God for the internet because I can get so many information from it. So yeah, am analyzing myself in my own words.

There are many consequences of being a pathological liar. Due to lack of trust, most pathological liar's relationships and friendships fail. If the disease continues to progress, lying could become so severe as to cause legal problems, including but not limited to fraud. Psychotherapy appears to be one of the only methods to treat a person suffering from pathological lying. There has been no research done regarding the use of pharmaceutical medication to treat pathological liars. Some research suggests that certain people may have a “predisposition to lying”. Pathological lying is a complex phenomenon, differing from other mental illnesses. It has many life-changing consequences for those that have to live with the illness. Currently, there is not enough research in the area of pathological lying to guarantee a cure.

Okay, you guys might think that am crazy to this point by admitting that am having a mental illness, but NO, guys...am not crazy. In fact, in most of the case in the world, people who suffer from this disorder are mostly smart or even genius. Not that am telling you that am a genius, but just so you know that mental illness or disorder is more like a tame psychological problem that harm mostly no one physically. Pathological liars - or "mythomaniacs" - may be suffering from histrionic personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. As for my case, I have found that pathological liars like myself cannot tell that they are lying; they actually believe the lie as soon as it comes out of their mouth. We lie about unimportant things that don't really matter to anyone. This can be caused by mental defect but isn't always. Many people said that pathological liars, because they have lied so much that they have lost all conscientious pangs and are callus to doing wrong of this sort.Well, that's not always true. I am a pathological liar. Therefore I am the best person to tell you about pathological liars. Right, pathological liars lie because they find it too uncomfortable to tell the truth, much like how an honest person finds it hard to lie. However, we lie about the most mundane thing sometimes. I even make up stories to win an argument. Also, most people will tell you that we lose track of our lies. For me that is not true, I have an excellent memory capacity and therefore can remember nearly every important lie I've told. I was just having a trouble on separate them from the reality. Furthermore we have not lost all conscientious pangs and we are usually not callus. This person whoever said that was obviously thinking of a sociopath which is completely different to a pathological liar. We don't lie to advance our own goals unlike sociopaths, we lie because it feels comfortable for us. So it's more like a compulsive lie - it is defined as someone who lies out of habit.  Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions.  Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small.  For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right.  Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary.  For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.

"The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe." the quote from H. L. Mencken was pretty much told everything I was talking about pathological liars above. True, few people always want to know the truth or seek it out. But in fact, many people actively deny the truth until they are forced to deal with it. We rarely see the world as it really is. Our perception of the world is biased, our memories betray us, and our true motives can remain hidden. For better or worse, we constantly convince ourselves of things that are not true. We kid ourselves about the most basic things in life: Who we are and what is going on around us.

Oh NO, am not trying to justify what I've done wrong in my past here, never. As a matter of fact, this blog I write because of my exhaustion of lying towards everything in my life. I knew I hurt so many people I loved and loved me and I knew by this point that I do need help. A professional help, it is. Don't you guys ever think that we the pathological liars are actually enjoying our bad habit, NOT at all. But the thing is, we are not that strong enough to have control on ourselves. Pathological liars have no remorse when lying. We do not think that it is bad to lie. We do not worry about the consequences either. We simply lie and go on with life as if nothing is wrong.

A pathological liar must be handled carefully if you wish to help the person change this habit. We would need to be reminded gently about their behavior by pointing out their little bits of lies. Do not blame us for the lies, as many times, we are not even aware about what is being said by us. It might need to use professional help to tackle extreme cases like mine now. I know how difficult this could be for you normal people out there to digest. I mean, last night I was with a guy whom I hang out with for a couple of months now and he was so hurtful when he found out about my lies to him hence he was so furious. But when he asked me for an explanation, I couldn't give him any. All that I could say was that I don't know why and no, I can not control it. I can see the disbelieve expression on his face and the frustration that he got from that answer. Trust me, I do realize that. I wished I had a better explanation, but in fact, I didn't. So, somebody shoot me!

^_^

Sources : Wikipedia, https://wiki.answer.com

Am Not Perfect

So, as a human being people make mistake. It was like almost impossible to have a super clean record in this world nowadays. I mean, come on, like seriously...the temptations are out there waiting for you to take your opportunities tasting the sweetness of a sinful act. Oh well, at least this was my experience. You can be disagree but you can never deny the fact that what I said was indeed true. A few months ago I met this nice French guy whom I date for a while. Everything went great until one night when he asked me to meet him and his friends in a club somewhere near my place. There was nothing wrong about that except for one small tiny bad thing that I did. Yeah, coincidentally, I met an Italian guy whom I consider more attractive and more like my kind of guy and so when he asked me out to dinner I said 'yes', of course. I didn't mean to hurt anyone but I was never thought that this was going to be something disastrous. In my defense, I didn't thing that there was something serious between me and this French guy just yet. We were dated, true. But I didn't see any string attached yet. So yeah, as a single girl who is still looking for Mr. Right, I told myself at the end of last year that I would open myself to a new guy this year. Was it anything wrong with that? Na-ah, I don't think so.

But my bad was I have this difficulty to just say NO to others. With all of the experiences I had in my childhood, I was always feel bad whenever I turn someone down. I was always feel, for some reasons, it was my responsibilities to say YES to everyone so they will be happy henceforth they would probably love me. Pathetically searching for love, that was me. I was so desperate to make everyone loves me in any way. So yeah, when that French guy asked me to meet him after dinner, I said 'yes'. And yeah, I did a tiny lie when I said I went out for dinner with a friend. Well, technically I didn't lie. This Italian guy was actually a friend whom happened at that time took me out. I thought our date was only a dinner and didn't go that nice so I could just left after it to meet this French dude. But I was wrong.

Turned out this Italian guy was super cool and I was kind of liked him at that time. As I said, I found him more attractive than this French guy, so what can a girl do in this situation apart from enjoying his company? I mean, I won't lie to you guys, so yeah, that bottle of Italian wine was also took part in this so called romantic night. The restaurant was so perfectly romantic and the guy was perfect, the food even more perfect, the music wasn't so bad either, and the most important thing was our connection was beyond believable. We talked to each other like we knew each other forever. But honestly, I didn't forget about this French guy just like that but I didn't know what to tell him either. I still tried to find a good reason to escape to him, but honestly, this Italian guy was so tempting and I found it was hard for me to just left. So yeah, I then just switched off my mobile and in my thought I would just say that my battery went dead.

Dinner then lead to drinks on the club upstairs the restaurant, then his friends asked us to join them in another club before we ended up at the third club we went and I lost counting on how many martini I drank. Was so wasted but never feel so free since I dated that French guy.

Okay, maybe by now everyone knew already how I have this so called 'commitment' issue. Whenever am with someone and things are getting serious, I freaked out. I mean, in the future, I don't see myself as a marriage kind of person. Honestly, the phrase 'til death do us part' in a wedding vow was kind of freak me out. So does the idea of spending the rest of your life with one particular person. I respect everyone who could do that, but am quite positive that I won't be able to. Am very easy to get bored, so yeah, what if half way through I get bored and want something new? Besides, I can't say 'I do' in front of God while I actually pretty sure that 'I don't'. What does this thing do with my story?

Okay, let me back to the topic I talked before. So, after our third date with this French guy, over my innocence, I asked him if we still allowed to date someone else or not? And his reaction was like, "Please tell me that you were kidding? You're not seriously ask that question, are you?" I was like, "Yes, am serious. Because with me, you have to be very explicit." And honestly, I still remember his expression at that time. His disbelieve was scared me. Then he was like, "I hope you're not thinking of dating someone else right now." And again, I lied and told him I didn't.

So one night, a couple of days after my date with the Italian guy, I went out to a dinner with this French guy to sort things out between us. Obviously he was so upset because of I didn't show up at the club he was in that night. So yeah, after our deeply conversations and he told me how he loves me, I then decided to came clean about what happened that night. I mean, I felt so bad for him and when he said he loves me, I couldn't say the same. For some reasons, my lips are locked. True, as for me it wasn't easy to just say the 'L' word even though to someone I have dated for quite a while. Then of course, as you probably guess, he was furious. I knew he hurt and I feel so bad about it but I thought it was for everyone's good if I came clean sooner than later. Right?

Wrong. He, among everything else, couldn't take it easily. He, with all of the reasons he had, thought that I was playing with him, which maybe I did subconsciously but it was never my intention since a very beginning like he accused me of doing. Alright, he is a type of guy who sees life as black and white, as yes and no, as right and wrong. While in the other hand, I see life is a colorful thing as a rainbow, I consider 'maybe' is better than yes or no, I see things in two different perspectives henceforth there is nothing really wrong neither do right for me. Then of course, we had an argument that lead us to a distant. The only one thing I never consider was how bad I damage him with my attitude. I didn't know that he was hurt that bad. And I really forgot that one time when we were at a bar and he was kind of drunk, he told me that when someone f*ck him up, he will f*ck that person up ten times as bad. And I never took that as a serious statement until yesterday morning. No need to tell anything but most of you guys knew what happened yesterday and as for me woke to so many texts asking what's going on was a total shock. But when I received a text from him saying, "Enjoy.." I literally laughing out loud. I mean, even before he text me, I actually knew that it was him. I mean I used his computer so many times opening my Facebook profile before, so yeah, when it happened I just knew.

Okay, maybe everyone was like, "WTH? Why did she laugh?" Alright, can someone tell me a decent reaction to things like that, please? I mean, seriously, for me that was the gay-est thing to ever been done by a guy. And then, let me tell you something. First of all, if you guys are a kind of person who works for someone else, maybe you will find this was hard to digest. Because in this case, you were only go to work every day then pick up your salary by the end of the month. While me, am the one who make sure that everyone got their payment by the end of that month. Every business person experience missed-payments. I remember a dear friend, a very successful businessman, once said to me that he missed his payments so many times too, and that's normal. The only different between him and me was that he can find a good excuse to do so while I don't. One thing that common people might found hard to believe that the essence of business is actually OPM. Yup, Other People's Money. The good businessman is he who can build an emperor without spending any of his money. The greater you are in business the bigger debt you owe to others. So yeah, am not a perfect girl but I was never pretend to be one. In fact, in every story I wrote about myself, I tend to talked about my negative sides rather than the opposite. Am not ashamed of myself and I was never hiding anything from anyone. When am screwed I will tell. But when I didn't do anything wrong, then don't ask me to explain myself. Like yesterday, many people ask for explanation but I refused to give one. Why? Because for me friends don't ask, friends believe. So yeah, you can say that am stubborn or whatever, am not going to deny it. As a matter of fact, I am as stubborn as a donkey, so either you take me for who I am or just leave me alone. I don't mind to be alone, honestly. I love it, in fact. Am not living my life according to anyone standard but myself. Kind of selfish? Indeed.

I Know I'm not perfect

But at the end of the day

Who is? (Oohh)

(S)he wanted someone that perfect

Well Okay

But can you tell me who is?

(Oohh-oohh)

From the song 'Who Is?' by Bruno Mars

^_^

Are You Drunk?

Okay, a few days ago I said on my Facebook page that for me love was just like Jennifer Aniston's acting career - I don't get it. And yeah, I do mean it literally. Want a prove? A guy I was hang out with spilled the 'I love you' statement a couple of days ago and my reaction to it was like, "Are you drunk?" Seriously. I mean, to be honest with you guys, I was a little bit terrified when I heard those words. The 'L' word intimidated me like no others for some reasons. And I have a good explanation why did that happen to me.When I was a kid, four years old to be exact, I was fell down of my bed while my parents weren't home as they both were working at that time. According to my mum's version of story, I was actually okay but my nanny, a late sweet old lady who adore me so much - blessed her soul - went panicking. She then ran into looking for my mum as our house at that time was nearby her office, but she was happened to be in a middle of an important meeting. My mum is a tough lady who taught everyone of us (my older sister, my younger brother, and I) to not became a wimpy kids, so she was like sent my nanny back home and assured her that I was a OK. My nanny, over her love to me, couldn't take that answer and went ballistic. She went back home and said something bad in front of me. At that time I was actually fine already, but hearing her saying how my mum didn't care about me at all and how my mum didn't love me whatsoever, really was hurt my feeling. Hey, come on...I was four years old, for heaven sake!

So yeah, of curse I started to cry, cry, and cry until I can no longer cry then I collapsed. I had to stay in a hospital for a week because of that and (again) according to my mum, during those seven days, I refused my mum's existence in my room. I didn't want anyone to stay with me in hospital apart from my nanny. Of course, that was kind of made my mum sad and felt guilty, but the worst part of that drama was I started to built this wall around me just to protect myself from that kind of disappointment ever again. I then subconsciously decided to not to love anyone but myself. Selfish? Well, I don't see it that way at all. As for my defense, I was just tried to protect myself from getting hurt like what happened when I was four again. Maybe you guys don't know this, but for a kid, the damage was incredibly bad and the wound was impossible to be healed.

Then yeah, now you can understand why did I have a problem with the 'L' word, don't you? Yes, I am a damage kid. Yes, I am a weirdo. But at least, I have a good excuse for that. And every time someone say those three words to me, I freaked out. I literally don't know how to answer it hence my reaction sometime came in a wrong way and hurt people that I care about so much so many times. But I can not help myself. That was something that I can not control and manage. Maybe I need a shrink, maybe there is something wrong inside me that need to be fixed. But meanwhile, I was hoping everyone around me to be patient and help me out. Am working on healing my wound and hopefully it will get cure sooner than ever. Believe me, to not be able to love someone other than yourself was not a great feeling at all. It was kind of lame actually!

^_^

10 Things I Hate About You - Part. 7

I hate the way you laugh
Those funny dimples you make when you are smiling
I hate the way you dance
Makes me want to throw myself into you
I hate those stupid glasses
Always make distant between your eyes and mine
I hate the way you cuddle me when am sleeping
That warm feeling that I crave so much
I hate the way we kiss
'Cause it never enough
I hate when you call me 'baby'
'Cause you ain't Justin Bieber
I hate your super cool Barret
'Cause it makes you look kind of girl-friendly
I hate your lean body
'Cause it makes me look like super fat
I hate those Thai girls
'Cause they can party with you like forever
But the most important thing is I hate our bedtime story
'Cause that was the only thing I want for my birthday but I can't get

^_^

Don't Talk To Strangers

This sentence was probably so familiar for everyone, especially those who have kids as this sentence was said first to me by my mum when I was a little girl. Not so long ago that is, ha! Alright, seriously now. When I was in Grade School, both of my parents were working so they tended to abandoned me and my sister a little bit. Okay, maybe not that bad but they were always skipped picking us up of school. Back then, my dad had this guy named Karjo worked for him as a driver so this guy was the one who had the responsible to do these so called 'picking up and dropping off' kind of job. But, of course, since my beloved daddy was the boss so his needs came first. When he needed him at work, there where Karjo went. So, as a precaution act, my super mum who was the smart-ass in the family taught us on how to get home using public transportation such as buses or this thing called 'Metro Mini'. My sister and I had these note which we kept in our bags where our mum wrote the number of the buses we should take to get home in case if Karjo can not pick us up. And, she added these words at the bottom of her notes, 'Don't talk to stranger'.

So yeah, at the age of 8 and 9 years old, me and my sister were already knew how to used public transportation, can you believe that? I mean, come on...this was big! Imagine if this happened nowadays in the country such as the US, my parents would probably had to handed us to the state as they were most likely would ended up in jail for abandoning their kids, ha! But of course, this was way back when the situation was completely different with the situation we deal with today. This was when the street was still kids friendly, where less child molesters walk around and no one even think of kidnapping children just because they can. And even though I once took a wrong bus when my sister had an extra class hence I went home by myself, but that was still acceptable as I managed to undo the mistake then safely arrived home an hour late. So yeah, compared to kids nowadays, for me to be able to be an independent kid at that young age was beyond cool. But actually what makes me had no complain whatsoever was because of this certain boy, my sister's classmate who was my childhood crushed whom joined us for the ride. Honestly, I was like praying everyday for my dad to not sending Karjo to pick us up from school. I mean, I was a loner and an awkward girl back then, so this thing was my only chance to eventually talked to him. OMG, I was so lame!

Okay, enough about my childhood thingy, let us get serious for change. When a few years ago I first came to Bali, I was kind of surprised with the way people live their life here. As a girl who raised by this dogma that stranger means trouble, I found it weird when everyone here says hello to everybody on the street even though they don't know each other at all. That was like just one of those genuine things they normally done here and it was kind of overwhelming to be honest. Although at first, my then boyfriend always ended up reminding me to smile back to everyone on the street as it takes time for me to get used to this thing, but in the end I was a OK and started to be a super friendly girl just like everyone else here. I mean, I still feel weird sometime to just even smile as I don't even know who were the people I smiled to, but am adjusting alright. I even say hello back whenever someone said hello to me on the street and this was not the thing I ever think of doing before I came to Bali.

Okay, it's true that we all probably knew already that Bali lives its life from the tourism. People here depend so bad on this thing. This island has no sources of nature whatsoever hence every aspect that you could think of here was clinging to every tourist that comes to visit and spending their money here. Therefore they have to be super seriously friendly to maintain the visitors to feel like home. I remember one once said to me that if you were drunk at 3 o'clock in morning riding your bike home from the club and had an accident on the way, no need to worry as there were always someone who would be happy to help you out. First I was like, yeah-yeah...whatever. But then my ex told a story that made me realized that this was not a hoax at all. Want to hear his story?

Alright, alright...I'll tell you! Gosh, you guys are so impatient, aren't you? So here is the thing, my ex was a wild boy and a party animal type of guy before he met me. One night, his friends and him went out for a party and for some reasons they went separated. My ex ended up in this shady-shit club not knowing on how or why did he even there at first place. And it was 7 in the morning when he redeemed conscious and realized that he has got to be at work by 8.30 for a very important meeting, so he ran out to get a taxi home when he found out that he had lost his wallet and had no mobile phone with him. So yeah, there he was somewhere 40 kilometers away from home, drunk, had no money at all, and couldn't call anyone either. On top of that, he had this so called life and dead kind of meeting to attend in one and a half hours time. What a disastrous!

So, he went out to the street where bunch of taxi drivers parked up their vehicles, and of course, they tackled each other to get him using their services. For real, a drunk tourist? Perfect! But, there was this one guy who for some reasons knew that something wasn't quite alright, so he pulled my ex's hand and asked him what happened. My ex then told him his situation and guess what, the guy then politely open his taxi's door to let my ex in and took him home, wait for him to get ready, then took him to work. To make it even more amazeballs, he then told my ex to not to worry about the payment as he was always there at that shady-shit club anyway so my ex can always find him whenever he wants to pay. What a good Samaritan the guy was! He was not just saved my ex's life from who knows what would happened to him, but also helped him getting one of the biggest deals he ever had! So yeah, he then became our taxi driver for a very-very long time. Even though now am not with my ex anymore (duh...obviously!) nor even use his taxi service either, but still, we exchanged hi and how are you whenever we bumped in to each other on the street. And I became care even more and more less every time my friends who still live with the dogma that strangers are trouble look at me with their funny looks and were like, "Who are you talking to?" I then proudly say, "Him. That's taxi driver. He's a friend." 

Nope my friends, this story was not a BS at all. It actually happened and I actually learned something here. When you are not living in your town, when you are living away from home, do talk to strangers. Because when you are not home, strangers are practically all that you have. When you were like hundreds of thousands kilometers away from your family, strangers are your family at this point. So maybe we should modernized those words a little bit. Maybe we should not say 'Don't talk to strangers' anymore. Maybe we should say : 'Don't talk to strangers. Unless if you are drunk, lost your wallet, and don't have your mobile with you.' Make sense, huh?

^_^

Gong Xi Fa Cai

As on a normal Chinese new year, this morning I woke up to a heavy rain and stormy wind. Chinese believed that rain brings luck so there you go. Every year within weeks before their new year, the rain was always come. For Indonesian, as we were like so used to this situation already, it was not a surprise at all.

Regardless of the year you were born, there are certain customs and superstitions that many Chinese adhere to during the New Year. Shooting off firecrackers on Chinese New Year's Eve is the Chinese way of sending out the old year and welcoming in the new. On the stroke of midnight, every door and window in the house has to be opened to allow the old year to go out is one of the Chinese superstition they adhere to. Many people also abstain from eating meat on the first day of Chinese New Year because it is believed that this will ensure a long and happy life. Some may eat a whole fish, that represents togetherness and abundance, or a chicken with its head and feet intact, which symbolizes prosperity. Any noodles in your bowl should be left uncut, as a sign of long life. Plants and flowers also play a significant role in symbolizing rebirth and new growth. A home is thought to be lucky if a plant blooms on New Year's Day, as this foretells the start of a prosperous year.

Another Chinese superstition is that the entire house should be cleaned before New Year's Day. On New Year's Eve, all brooms, brushes, dusters, dust pans and other cleaning equipment are put away. Sweeping or dusting should not be done on New Year's Day for fear that good fortune will be swept away, which if you think about it does make some sense. After New Year's Day, the floors may be swept. Beginning at the door, the dust and rubbish are swept to the middle of the parlor, then placed in the corners and not taken or thrown out until the fifth day. At no time should the rubbish in the corners be trampled upon. In sweeping, there is a superstition that if you sweep the dirt out over the threshold, you will sweep one of the family members away. Also, to sweep the dust and dirt out of your house by the front entrance is to sweep away the good fortune of the family; it must always be swept inwards and then carried out, then no harm will follow. All dirt and rubbish must be taken out the back door.

For those most Chinese superstitious, the Almanac should be consulted to find the best time to do important things. The Almanac would tell you that if the day is a good day or bad day to have a funeral, sweep the graves of ancestors, worship the dead or move an ancestor's grave; start construction, move into a new house, visit friends or even travel north; get a haircut or cultivate plants and so on. The fact: if you follow ALL the "traditions", you will get nowhere!All debts had to be paid by this time. Nothing should be lent on this day, as anyone who does so will be lending all the year.

Everyone should refrain from using foul language and bad or unlucky words. Negative terms and the word "four", sounding like the word for death, are not to be uttered. Death and dying are never mentioned and ghost stories are totally taboo. References to the past year are also avoided as everything should be turned toward the New Year and a new beginning.

If you cry on New Year's Day, you will cry all through the year. Therefore, children are tolerated and are not spanked, even though they are mischievous. This is similar to when they run around in their Halloween costumes on that holiday and get away with it.

On New Year's Day, we are not supposed to wash our hair because it would mean we would have washed away good luck for the New Year. Red clothing is preferred during this festive occasion. Red is considered a bright, happy color, sure to bring the wearer a sunny and bright future. It is believed that appearance and attitude during New Year's sets the tone for the rest of the year. Children and unmarried friends, as well as close relatives are given little red envelopes with crisp one dollar bills inserted, for good fortune.

The first person one meets and the first words heard are significant as to what the fortunes would be for the entire year. It is a lucky sign to see or hear songbirds or red-colored birds or swallows.

It is considered unlucky to greet anyone in their bedroom so that is why everyone, even the sick, should get dressed and sit in the living room.

Do not use knives or scissors on New Year's Day as this may cut off fortune. All debts had to be paid by this time. Nothing should be lent on this day, as anyone who does so will be lending all the year.

For those most Chinese superstitious, the Almanac should be consulted to find the best time to do important things. The Almanac would tell you that if the day is a good day or bad day to have a funeral, sweep the graves of ancestors, worship the dead or move an ancestor's grave; start construction, move into a new house, visit friends or even travel north; get a haircut or cultivate plants and so on. The fact: if you follow ALL the "traditions", you will get nowhere!

And so today is the starting of the year of the dragon. Most of us are all to familiar with the classic western concept of the dragon, but not all have a great insight into probably one of the most recognised dragons, the Chinese dragon.

In Chinese mythology there are five types of dragon:-

1. Those guarding the gods and emperors
2. Those controlling the wind and rain
3. Earthly dragons which deepened the rivers and seas
4. Guardians of hidden treasure
5. The first dragon

The Chinese dragon (Lung) was a divine bringer of rain, necessary for the good of the people. Throughout Chinese history the dragon has been equated with weather. It is said that some of the worst flooding were caused when a mortal has upset a dragon. The dragon was also a symbol of the emperor whose wisdom and divine power assured the well-being of his subjects. Many legends draw connections between the dragon and the emperor. Some emperors claimed to have descended from the dragon.

In Tan dynasty, there is a famous fortuneteller enabled to do the prediction precisely on the street of the capitol city. One day, the king of Dragon, who was in charge of rain in the heaven, wanted to test how good the fortuneteller can predict. The king of Dragon disguised (transformed) himself  into an ordinary person and asked the fortuneteller that "When will it rain and how much?". The fortuneteller said "It will rain tomorrow noon for 3.3 inches." The king of Dragon was thinking, "I am the one in charge of the rain, not this fortuneteller. I will come to tear down his stand tomorrow."

Unfortunately, no sooner, the king of Dragon received the order from Jade Emperor, the emperor of gods, to rain tomorrow at noon for 3.3 inches." The king of Dragon was surprising and wasn't willing to follow this order. He postponed the raining schedule and extended the raining time. As a result, that rain caused the flood.

After the rain, the king of Dragon went to see the fortuneteller happily. But the fortuneteller said that "Don't you know you are in big trouble by disobeying the order of Jade Emperor?" The king of Dragon was completely shocked that the fortuneteller knew the true and ask for advise. The fortuneteller said general Wei of Tan dynasty  will come to see you to announce your death penalty, then he will kill you tomorrow at 45 minutes right after noon. The only chance is to ask help form the emperor of Tan dynasty. (In China, the dynasty emperor was the son of heaven).

That night, the king of Dragon entered the dream of the emperor of Tan, was on his knee to ask for help. The king of Dragon wanted the emperor of Tan to order general Wei staying in the palace tomorrow around 45 minutes after 12:00 PM.

On the next day, the emperor of Tan called general Wei in as his company in the early morning. They drank tea, visited the garden and played the chess. General Wei was kind of tired and had an nap during chess game. The emperor of Tan let him rest, because General Wei was still in his sight. After 45 minutes past noon, General Wei wake up, sweated and said about his bad dream. He said that, "The Jade Emperor called me up to the heaven. I saw a big shining golden dragon was tired up on a big column. The  Jade Emperor gave me a precious sword. He asked me to behead the king of Dragon and I did."

The emperor of Tan couldn't save the king of Dragon and very scare. He had the bad dream every night - the king of Dragon wanted the him to pay for his live. Someone suggested to let the most powerful and brave two generals, General Chin and General YuChih, standing by the bedroom door to guard the emperor all night long. Then there is no more bad dream for the emperor.

But they couldn't let General Chin and General YuChih to do the sentry job every night. So they find the painter to paint two general's portraits on the door. General Chin has pale face and General YuChih has dark face. General Chin wears tiger armor and holds a large ax and General YuChih wears lion armor and holds a metal-whip.

Therefore, people do the same way to paint the images of General Chin and General YuChih on their door as the god of door. They think the god of door can protect then from ghost or bad spirit to entering their house. Today, It's hard to find the image of god of door in the modern house. But we still can see the god of door in the temples.

Nowadays, whether you believe it or not, but this tradition became part of our lifestyle as for the astrological reading which you guys secretly read on the newspaper everyday but pretend to not being offended by it. Just like me this morning when I watched that Singaporean fortune teller lady on telly said that this year is going to be tough for my Feng Shui. I tried not to care but obviously I was a little bit intimidated. Apparently. I mean, come on...don't you guys too? But then when I read my zodiac sign on the paper this morning, it says that Aquarians will have an adventurous year in this year of the dragon hence felt a relieved. We the Aquarians will have the thrill that we were never even dared to imagine. Woo hoo! I was wondering what is it going to be? Super excited! It's not that I don't believe the fortune teller lady, but for me, I chose to believe what I want to believe and ignore the one I want to ignore. Hey, am a positive thinker so shoot me!

^_^

中国新的一年里快乐，我亲爱的朋友..Gong Xi! Gong Xi!

Sources : Wikipedia, Chinese Fortune Calendar, Fortune City, and China Town Connection.

It Wasn't Me, It Was You

Yesterday was by far the worst day in my life as in the afternoon, out of the blue, my ex boyfriend's sister in law skyped me and we had this so called normal conversation when she started it with asking how am I and stuffs. So yeah, deep inside my heart, as I was never have any bad feeling toward anybody, specially not her, then I answered her skyping thing. I mean, we were kind of closed before when my ex and I are still together. As two outsiders entering one same family, we built a bonding like no others. We were besties.

Then of course, when the conversation started to get a little bit more personal and she asked what happened between my ex and me, I had no hesitation to tell her my feeling about all of the drama that happened. I truly believe that everything was back to normal now as she was the one who contacted me first, out of nowhere. After all, the separation was more than a year ago so for sure I believe that everyone was moved on already as I did.

But NOPE, apparently that didn't happen yesterday. She, for the reason that I don't even know why, started her accusation on me. Yeah, she was literally attacked me with her words without even considered my feeling. I mean, am not a type of girl who can confronted others. Hey, that was the reason why I write at first place. To express my feeling without having any confrontation with others. So having someone bombarded me with words after words really was hurting me in a definition that I couldn't even describe. I was literally in tears.

But luckily for me, yesterday I talked with a dear friend who comforted me in many ways. I mean, maybe no one knows about this, but these whole times I did blame myself for everything that happened. I know for worse that I didn't have enough patience to deal with our situation, especially his. I was by far the selfish one in that relationship and I was never denied that fact, not ever once. But, for her to attacked me with her words was, for me, beyond acceptable. I mean, she doesn't even know half of my life with my ex hence she knows nothing about the situation whatsoever. True, from the outside, people would see me as the guilty part but haven't even once came out in their mind that I was actually hurt as well with these whole things surrounded us? Just because I was the one who asking for the separation doesn't mean that I was happy as soon as it happened. Not at all. I was hurting as much as everyone else involved but was that bad if I decided to moved on sooner?

For those who know me might not found this as a surprise at all as you guys probably knew already that I don't think with my heart but my head. I choose common sense over feeling hence appeared to be such of cold bloody heartless to everyone. But hey, that was just me and am not going to explain myself to anyone's satisfaction here. After all, I am what I am and you are what you are. I never asked anyone to explain themselves to me as much as am not going to do so. Besides, I chose to keep only good things in me and determined to forget about bad things. And if I about to kiss and tell the whole problems that my ex and me had between us that means that I have to spill all the details about us, badly. And for real that was not a good idea at all.

So yeah, blame me for moving on so quickly, blame me for having a gut to make a first move to leave when things were going south, blame me for not showing tears in front of others, blame me for everything I don't regret did. But in my defend, I live my life forward, not backward. And hate me in any way you want but one thing for sure that am done blaming myself for everything. Am done saying, "It was me" because it was actually you more than me. Then yeah, I'll see you up front whenever you are ready, because there where am heading to.

^_^

Every Day I'm Shufflin'!

Maybe many of you guys wonder what is shuffle dance? From the information I got around, Shuffle dance was originally a Malaysian tribal dance but the teenagers have adapt it as a street dance. The shuffle dance then mostly popular at Australia and it is known as "The Melbourne Shuffle".

The Melbourne Shuffle (also known as Rocking or simply The Shuffle) is a rave and club dance that originated in the late 1980s in the underground rave music scene in Melbourne, Australia. The basic movements in the dance are a fast heel-and-toe action with a style suitable for various types of electronic music. Some variants incorporate arm movements. People who dance the shuffle are often referred to as rockers, due in part to the popularity of shuffling to rock music in the early 1990s.

Shuffle dance today is popularly known as 'shuffling' has derived its significance from overseas DJs, party goers, visitors and the media trying to describe its phenomenon. Today, shuffle dance has evolved to become one of the most dance forms across the world. To make the dance easy, some dancers sprinkle talcum powder on the floor beneath their feet, making them glide more easily. It also helps in incorporating the 360 degree spins or jumps into their moves.

Shuffling originated from 'Stomping', which in turn originated from previous historical Celtic dances. Stomping originally incorporated tap and traditional ballet - style foot shuffling. The clog and sword dance can easily be matched to some earlier experimental rave and club dance moves that evolved into Stomping.

Dance is a beautiful medium of expression and Shuffle dance is gaining increasing popularity because of its 'easy to do' steps.There are various styles of dance present all over the world, which reflect the culture of the place they are born in. One such style is the shuffle dance, bearing a strong resemblance to the jazz style of the early years.  While the previous style had only heel and toe movements, variations were added to it at later stages. Amongst the numerous variations incorporated in the dance format were hand movements. The techno music, which was used earlier, was replaced with trance music and house music. However, the heel-and-toe action has remained the prime key to the dance form.

In the late '80s, the Melbourne Shuffle began to emerge as a distinct dance, incorporating more hand movement than its predecessor, Stomping. Break-beat and techno music was gradually replaced with the more hardcore forms of rave music, such as hard trance. When b-boys started attending Shuffling dance events, they brought in their own set of hip hop dance moves, for example, the running man and gliding. Ever since these hip hop influences became predominant, the Melbourne Shuffle has also been practiced outside of raves (a characteristic of hip hop dance culture). Where the Melbourne Shuffle was originally danced, the places were not considered to be named 'raves', but rather 'dance parties'.

After being quietly disappear from the scene in early to mid 2009, the dance was shown again in media such as YouTube and stuffs hence became a phenomenon within dancing people in the world. On June 21, 2011, the American electro-hop duo LMFAO released the album Sorry for Party Rocking which a single from that album, Party Rock Anthem (#1 on the US charts), makes multiple references to "shuffling" (The phrase, "Every day I'm shufflin" is heard two times in the song). The music video spoofs the UK movie 28 days later, with the dance being performed by a large group of people "infected" by the beat.

^_^

From Buddha With Love

So my journey on searching God was continue to the level where am interested on this belief called Buddha. In Theravada Buddhism, the term Buddha refers to one who has become enlightened through his own efforts and insight, without a teacher to point out the Dharma. A samyak sambuddha teaches the dhamma to others after his awakening. A pratyeka-buddha also reaches Nirvana through his own efforts, bur does not teach the dhamma to others. An Arhat needs to follow the teaching of a Buddha to attain Nirvana, but can also preach the dhamma after attaining Nirvana. In one instance the term buddha is also used in Theravada to refer to all who attain Nirvana, using the term Sāvakabuddha to designate an Arhat, someone who depends on the teachings of a Buddha to attain Nirvana. But why Buddha?

Every living being has the same basic wish – to be happy and to avoid suffering. Even newborn babies, animals, and insects have this wish. It has been our main wish since beginning-less time and it is with us all the time, even during our sleep. We spend our whole life working hard to fulfill this wish. Since this world evolved, human beings have spent much time and energy improving external conditions in their search for happiness and a solution to their many problems. And so do I, but what has been the result? Instead of their wishes being fulfilled, human suffering has continued to increase while the experience of happiness and peace is decreasing. This clearly shows that we need to find a true method for gaining pure happiness and freedom from misery. And here when I found out about Buddha. But, who is Buddha?

Siddhartha Gautama was born about 583 BCE, in or near what is now Nepal. His father, King Suddhodana, was leader of a large clan called the Shakya. His mother, Queen Maya, died shortly after his birth. When Prince Siddhartha was a few days old, a holy man prophesied the Prince would be either a great military conqueror or a great spiritual teacher. King Suddhodana preferred the first outcome and prepared his son accordingly. He raised the boy in great luxury and shielded him from knowledge of religion and human suffering. The Prince reached the age of 29 with little experience of the world outside the walls of his opulent palaces. One day, overcome with curiosity, Prince Siddhartha asked a charioteer to take him on a series of rides through the countryside. On these journeys he was shocked by the sight of an aged man, then a sick man, and then a corpse. The stark realities of old age, disease, and death seized and sickened the Prince. Finally, he saw a wandering ascetic. The charioteer explained that the ascetic was one who had renounced the world and sought release from fear of death and suffering. 

For a time the Prince returned to palace life, but he took no pleasure in it. Even the news that his wife Yasodhara had given birth to a son did not please him. The child was called Rahula, which means "fetter." One night he wandered the palace alone. The luxuries that had once pleased him now seemed grotesque. Musicians and dancing girls had fallen asleep and were sprawled about, snoring and sputtering. Prince Siddhartha reflected on the old age, disease, and death that would overtake them all and turn their bodies to dust. He realized then that he could no longer be content living the life of a prince. That very night he left the palace, shaved his head, and changed his prince's clothes for a beggar's robe. Then he began his quest for enlightenment.

As a normal human being gifted with curiosity, my journey on searching my almighty lead me to this interesting human being who later became one of the most influential people in the world. The number of Buddha's followers gradually increased. Nobles, Brahmins and many wealthy men became his disciples. Buddha paid no attention to caste. The poor and the out-castes were admitted to his order. Those who wanted to become full members of his order were obliged to become monks and to observe strict rules of conduct. Buddha had many lay disciples also. Those lay members had to provide for the wants of the monks. Every Buddhist monk takes a vow, when he puts on the yellow robe, to abstain from killing any living being. Therefore, a stay in one place during the rainy season becomes necessary. Even now, the Paramahamsa Sannyasins (the highest class of renunciations) of Sankara's order stay in one place for four months during the rainy season (Chaturmas). It is impossible to move about in the rainy season without killing countless small insects, which the combined influence of moisture and the hot sun at the season brings into existence.

Okay, don't get me wrong, am still pretty much a Moslem and have no intention whatsoever to converted to Buddhism. No. For me, Buddhism is not just a religion but also an philosophy. Buddhism believes in Karma and Rebirth. Karma specifically refers to those actions (of body, speech, and mind) that spring from mental intent ("cetana"), and which bring about a consequence (or fruit, "phala") or result ("vipāka"). Rebirth refers to a process whereby beings go through a succession of lifetimes as one of many possible forms of sentient life, each running from conception to death. Buddhism rejects the concepts of a permanent self or an unchanging, eternal soul, as it is called in Hinduism and Christianity. According to Buddhism there ultimately is no such thing as a self independent from the rest of the universe (the doctrine of anatta). Rebirth in subsequent existences must be understood as the continuation of a dynamic, ever-changing process of "dependent arising" ("pratītyasamutpāda") determined by the laws of cause and effect (karma) rather than that of one being, transmigrating or incarnating from one existence to the next.

Practicing Buddhist ethics or what known as Śīla in day to day life was what I found interesting. Śīla (Sanskrit) or sīla (Pāli) is usually translated into English as "virtuous behavior", "morality", "ethics" or "precept". It is an action committed through the body, speech, or mind, and involves an intentional effort. It is one of the three practices (sila, samadhi, and panya) and the second pāramitā. It refers to moral purity of thought, word, and deed. The four conditions of śīla are chastity, calmness, quiet, and extinguish.

Śīla is the foundation of Samadhi/Bhāvana (Meditative cultivation) or mind cultivation. Keeping the precepts promotes not only the peace of mind of the cultivator, which is internal, but also peace in the community, which is external. According to the Law of Karma, keeping the precepts are meritorious and it acts as causes which would bring about peaceful and happy effects. Keeping these precepts keeps the cultivator from rebirth in the four woeful realms of existence.

Śīla refers to overall principles of ethical behavior. There are several levels of sila, which correspond to "basic morality" (five precepts), "basic morality with asceticism" (eight precepts), "novice monkhood" (ten precepts) and "monkhood" (Vinaya or Patimokkha). Lay people generally undertake to live by the five precepts, which are common to all Buddhist schools. If they wish, they can choose to undertake the eight precepts, which add basic asceticism.

Two things I captured about Buddhism philosophy were peace and love. In every segmentation I can absorb the feeling of calmness. And another thing that I admire so bad was how Buddha gave up his privileges to devoted to what he believes. Today I've seen some clerics on telly doing commercial things which disgusted me so bad. I mean, come on...if you were a cleric, the last thing you supposed to do was being commercial. And here where Buddha was everything that am looking for in a teacher. I believe him for what he taught others because he lives in his words. But no, I don't say that my journey on searching God is going to stop here, not at all. My feet are still moving forward, seeking and wandering around until the day I die and that's a fact.

^_^

Sources : Wikipedia and The Life of the Buddha by Barbara O'Brien

Life Without Macallan

As you guys probably know that it was two years already since I lost my beloved little buddy Macallan who died over cyanide poison which carelessly placed by some irresponsible people targeted street dogs. Two years I lost half of my soul which die with him and I believe was taken to a pet heaven now. For anyone who didn't know who Macallan was, let me tell you how did this bonding started. Few years back when I moved to Bali following my then boyfriend, a dear friend gave us a puppy for a house warming gift. It was a super cute miniature pinscher with black and tan colors. Commonly people named those kind of colors dogs Whiskey but my then boyfriend and I had a different idea. We want his name to be specific and the first thing that came in to our mind was Macallan, a specific brand of Whiskey which my then boyfriend love and collect. Then later on I found out that Macallan was also the most expensive brand of whiskey ever made. There you go!

Ever since Macallan becoming part of our life, I found love and compassion in a different level. He was my first own dog and love was no way near to describe my feeling towards him. He was my buddy. I would rather sleep with him than with anyone else. Yeah, you can say that he was my bed warmer alright. Imagine my life after he died was beyond miserable. I literally losing grip more than I can explain when the tragedy happened as I wasn't even in the island at that time, I was in my shopping trip to Singapore when my maid called telling about the incident and seriously, I felt like I was the one who died. I was hysterical hence my then boyfriend thought that it was one of my parents who died. Yeah, that bad.

And now am remembering him in a sad way but I think am capable to move on now. This morning, a neighbor's dog came to my villa and stay with me until noon and I loved him. He was a Kintamani dog who has half wolf in his blood. So cool. He actually made me realized that maybe it's time for me to have another dog. Yeah, am so ready. Life with Macallan was awesome and for sure life after Macallan will be too if I willing to open my heart to another little buddy. I miss canoodling to a warm furry body of him. I miss his kiss every morning waking me up. I miss my Macallan.

So, as per today two years ago, I was at the Blue Ocean beach with my dear Dutchies bringing my sweet little buddy's ashes to his last journey to heaven, a pet heaven in this case. I was so grateful that I had friends to accompanied me in that such of horrible moment. I was holding to his ashes for so long just because I couldn't let him go. Until one day my landlady, a sweet Chinese lady, told me that I had to let him go so he can reach his last destination. Holding his ashes was only made his journey even more miserable and that wasn't good for him. So yeah, I then let him go.

But today, no I mean just now, when am laying down in my bed about ready to close my eyes, suddenly his image came in to my mind. The image of a guapo dog that had been with me, slept next to me for over eight years. I, for some unbelievably reasons, believe that he was somehow here with me now. I can even hear his heavy breath inhale and exhale on my ear. He is definitely here with me. Oh Macallan, how I love you! Life without you was suck!

^_^

To my Dutchies JJ, Nacer, and the Goat..thanks for being there for me!!