Where Are The Good People Go?

Yesterday morning, I was shocked when I turned my phone on and saw my friends’ status over their Berry’s Messengers said that one of our friends die tragically. I was like, WTF happened? But, as usual, I was a bit scared to asked, afraid of what the answer would be. Then last night I watched local TV to find out what happened after failed looked for it in the internet and it made me even more shocked. My thought when I heard about her death was she’s probably sick or something. Here is the thing, I actually bumped in to her a week or so ago at the ATM machine of one of local banks near my place. We talked briefly and even said that we will go out together sometime. And at that time she looked a bit tired and wasted, that’s why I thought that she was sick or something. But she didn’t, she murdered! OMG…what a shocking!

No, am not going to spill you the detail here, it won’t be appropriate. Besides, you can read newspapers for that. But the fact that she was killed in her own house over a ‘possibly’ robbery is devastating. I mean, what kind of people did such thing to a woman? Seriously, even though (if) this was a robbery, I doubted that she was even fought the guys. The fact that she was a tiny girl, I can not even imagine that she would do any damage to whoever had bad intentions to her. Then why did they kill her? For God sake, where is your compassion? To kill someone over a laptop and a Blackberry phone was undeniably cruel.

I aware that for financial reason, people can sometime do an unexplainable thing, but still, doesn’t mean that you can just walk around and kill someone, especially a woman who undoubtedly vulnerable. Life doesn’t go that way, we do have rules and laws to control our behaviors. This was actually a wake-up call to everyone. Does that mean that it’s not safe anymore for a woman to be home alone? A friend said that we should get guard dogs, but does that mean that we really-really are safe afterward? I mean, what happened the other night was a bit suspicious for me. First, the newspapers said there was no forced entrance and it was only her room that turned upside down and also she was found underneath her bed by her maid who was managed to clean other rooms before came in to my friend’s room and found her, suspicious indeed. But my point was actually what happened in our world? How do people even have a heart to do such thing? Where are the good people go? What happened to love? To compassion? Man, life is a mystery and I need to find the answer…

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To a dear friend Lusiana Burgess, RIP...

Rumble Crumble

One of my dear friends once said that when her sons grow up, she'd prefer if they come forward to her and say that they were a drug addict rather than a gay. At that time I was like, okay..I can totally understand why she said that. Been raising in an eastern culture where sex orientation is still pretty much sacred and becoming an openly gay is still pretty much a sin, I can say that I myself, would probably say the same too if I were a mother. I thought I will be more prepare if someone in my family admit that he or she was a drug addict instead of gay. Until something happened and it opened my eyes that no one will actually be prepare for such things.

Here is the thing, one of my family members who was very closed to me when we were kids, just admitted that he was addicted to drugs and needed help. First my reaction was, WTH? I mean, I barely seen him apart from when I came back to my hometown in Sumatra which was not very often since we both live in different cities separated by two big oceans. But when this thing happened, my family called me and asked me to talked to him as we were that closed, and yeah, I think he was kind of listen to what I said since he was actually like four years younger than me, then of course, I talked to him. After our first conversation over a phone call, I then realized that what my friend said above was probably true but when thing like that really happened, no one will prepare in any circumstance.

Let me tell you why did I say that. True that if someone in any family says that he or she was gay, this fact would probably sounded more embarrassing than if that person says that he or she was a drug addict, BUT, the damage was pretty much the same. And believe me because I am talking through my very own experience, this thing can easily torn the family apart as everyone will try to find someone to be blame. None of them would probably have a thought that when thing like this happened, that means it was too late to find who's guilty of what. Way too late.

When thing like this happened, that means it's time to make a move, eventually. Because one thing I've learn from this situation and that was how blind we were when thing like this happened to our family. I mean, after a while and think of the flashback, I now realized that I was supposed to knew about this long time before as the signs were pretty much there right in front of my face. But, as someone who love her family, I was kind of blocked my own view and shadowed it over that wall called 'trust'. Of course, sometime I feel weird whenever I met him in my gramm's house and he acted not as himself, but I was always found a positive answer for his weirdness, even though sometime I barely recognize him anymore, but as a family, I will never ever have any negative thought. Come on..that's what family do, right? Besides, since we were very closed when we were kids, my last image of him was still like when I was in Junior High and he was in Elementary School and we played football together in my garage. I would never have a thought of that young kid who played football with me back then would ever take any drugs whatsoever. Despite on how grown up he is now, my image of him is stay like that. He was, is, will always be that small kid to me.

So don't blame me if I didn't see the signs or maybe I was a little bit in denial before, but considering our circumstances, I think it was kind of acceptable. My point is, when things happened to your family, no one would prepare of anything. No matter what. We love our family too much and it drives us toward our super high expectation that never allow us to tolerate anything. Our selfishness won't let us. Because of we love them, we were never have a doubt about them. Like what happened to me. I actually heard a rumor about my family member I talked above on how he was possibly a drug user and I confronted him one time and he denied it. As a family what did I do? I believed. Yeah, despite on how my common sense told my heart to not believe, but my feeling won the battle then as you can see now, I let love fooled me. How stupid. Now after everything was too late, I have no one else to be blame but me. I was a fool. If only I listened to my common sense that time, I would probably became a hero in my entire family for being a savior by saving them from the embarrassment. And the even better thing to happened was to be able saving someone in your bloodline from an addiction..that was an achievement! If only..

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A Decent Man

A guy who I’ve known recently once said that ‘decent man has to be afraid of his wife’. First I wasn’t that interested with his words, but after a while I started to think about it a little bit. I mean, really? Seriously? Here is the thing, men in general has a different ego than women. Man doesn’t normally admit that he is indeed afraid to his wife. And for a man to not just admit it but also realize that it was actually a decency, that was something, don’t you think so?

As for me, I was never met any man who admitted that he was in fact afraid of his wife before. Mostly, they even deny it. I mean, come on, unwrittenly that was a crime for a man to do so. Especially for someone who brought up in a eastern culture where men normally still considered as a leader. Like my mum always says, I was supposed to listen to anyone who becomes my husband in the future. Our job as a woman was to support the hubby, we were supposed to walk a step behind them (this is not literally, but for sure you knew what I mean, right?). Then here come this man, out of nowhere, said it out loud and proud, announced that he was indeed afraid of his wife.

Then, I was like, hum...wait a minute. Do I really want my man to be afraid of me? I don’t think so. I mean, as an Aquarian, am a kind of girl who is stubborn as hell. And I can be bossy when someone treats me too soft. So for me, man who afraid of his wife doesn’t really work. I need someone who can control me and stop me from being a snob. So yeah, I admire his decency but it was just not for me.

Then how does this decency work actually? Do men really have to be afraid of their wives just to be decent? I actually don’t agree with the word ‘afraid’. The phrase wasn’t too keen for me. I think (as this blog actually called “According To Dewi”) decent men are they who consider their wives opinion every time they make decision. Not because of they afraid of them, but more like because they do need second opinions from someone whom they trusted the most. Decent men know when to involved their wives in their life and know when not to. Decent men respect their wives, not afraid of them. Decent men treat their wives as equal partners but they don’t afraid of them. Decent men know how to be decent and it’s definitely not by acting scare of their wives. Totally!

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Love On A Piece Of Paper

Oh oh oh, I know for sure that this one is going to create a controversy for everyone who read it. Why? Now, here is the thing..as a girl who brought up in a some kind of religious family, I was supposed to be a girl who treat religion as something primary. And as someone who brought up in an eastern culture, I was supposed to sees life in an eastern perspective. For example, in my culture we don't recognize living together as a couple. When you find someone you love then you marry them, end of story. You were supposed to acknowledge as a couple in religious way and law. That was what your parents do and your grand parents before them do, and your great grand parents before them do, so yeah..telling your folks that you have a slightly different things in mind is definitely a challenge.

But, as everyone probably knew already, for some unexplainable reasons, I don't buy that. The thing is, I don't believe in a piece of paper and I don't determine love by that. I mean, just by signing up your commitment to be together forever on a piece of paper, doesn't mean that you were safe and definitely WILL BE together like forever. Na-ah. For me, when you commit yourself to someone, it's not about a piece of paper but it's about your heart. Just because the priest said that 'what united by God can only be separated by God' doesn't mean that you can only separated by God, just God, and nothing but God. No way, Jose! Mostly it was your husband's secretary who took this part, Missy! Ha!

No, seriously..I really don't believe in marriage as a way to show someone that you love them for some reasons. And no, I don't come from a broken home family, in fact, my parents has been marriage for almost 40 years now, would you believe that? But, for me, when you love someone and willing to commit yourself to that person then you show it with your heart not with a proposal to marry them. Oh no, don't get me wrong, am not an anti-marriage type of girl, and of course, I will support whoever decided to choose marriage life as their lifestyle, but I just don't see marriage as the way to show your commitment to anyone. I mean, how many of you guys who married and even have kids but still cheating on your spouse? A-ha, don't lie to me! Of course, I won't say your name out loud, but, you who you are..ha! Then yeah, for me, once a cheater always a cheater no matter you were marriage or not. So don't get me those speeches about how I should get marriage and settle down for the sake of that! I mean, when I meet my soul mate and willing to spend the rest of my life with him then I will settle down. But it's not necessary getting marriage thingy. If I want to settle down with someone and decided that I want to have kids with him then I will do that, no need a piece of paper or anything else to legalize it. My commitment is in my heart. Besides, it was easier like that when everything doesn't turn as our expectation. All we need to do is pack our bag and leave, no need court order or anything. Quick and simple.

Alright, I know by this point you guys probably think that am a weirdo, well..maybe I am. The truth is I don't have a normal way of thinking as everyone else, am an Aquarian, remember? Many times I found myself got into trouble because of my estranged point of view but I just want everybody to see this thing from a different perspective. Love is something special so it doesn't determine by signatures on a piece of paper. And no matter how loud and clear you said your vow was, it means nothing if your heart didn't go with that vow. That's, my friends..according to me!

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Take My Breath Away

This is hilarious. In some boring afternoon, I was stuck at home because it was raining outside and there was nothing good on telly so what did I watch? Mel B : It's a Scary World! Yeah, somebody shoot me. But first, let me tell you what caught my attention was. In one scene, Mel had this 'so girl things' idea that she, as a normal woman, wants to find a girl for her currently single singer/songwriter English best friend, Matthew. So, as a start, she wanted to know what dos and don'ts that Matthew requires for girls. Very normal. Then, during their lunch meeting over a project, she popped the question. Matt then said that he wanted a girl who can take his breath away. Ah..so sweet, isn't it? For real, Mel got carried on and looked at Stephen who sat next to her then asked, "Do I take your breath away, honey?" Ha, what a tricky question. Stephen silent for a while, looked at his estranged wife then said, "Of course you do, honey. You take my everything away..my wallet, my money, my car, my house, everything. You take my everything, honey."

Ha ha, seriously I couldn't help myself but laugh my head off. He's so funny yet so right at some point. Man, hate it when a guy says something so sharp but smart at same time! Makes me feel like a fool sometime. But yeah, what he said was completely right and hit me on my face whether I like it or not. Here is the thing, as a girl who raised in a material world, I do realize that women born to be materialistic. It's our destiny, not our choice but that was written in our faith. True, sometime men don't get it but they have to take it whether they happy with it or not. And maybe not many guys like Stephen who realized this 'seems to be' an unfair situation, but hey, women got to do what women got to do. After all, we had been created from half of your rib, so of course, you have got to take care of us. Oh I thanked God for making me a woman! Then please don't judge me, but..do I take your breath away honey?

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