Problem Or Solution, Which Part Are You Of?

One of the most common misconception about love is the idea that dependency is love. I still remember when I broke up with my ex boyfriend last year, he said that he was forced to leave Bali as he couldn't stay in the island anymore if he wasn't with me and everyone looked at me as a b*tch at that time. I was seriously like confused and started to think that I actually was. I mean, it felt so wrong that I didn't even feel any guilt whatsoever for our failures. My opinion back then was that when you require another individual for your survival, you are a parasite on that individual and I refused to be one. So it's not that I wasn't felt any dependency on him at all but I protected myself from feeling one. There is a choice, a freedom involved in my definition of relationship and it is a matter of necessity rather than love. Love is a free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with other. So when my then boyfriend said that he couldn't bear himself living in the same town with me while we were separated, I found that a little bit unacceptable.Okay, I admitted it that I was kind of selfish and probably one of the most heartless people in the entire planet, but I won't lie and pretend that I also can not live my life without him because I totally can. Am sad for sure but I didn't have time to cry so sue me.

Okay, as M. Scott Peck wrote on his book The Road Less Traveled, I do believe that love is not a feeling, it is an activity and an investment. Peck defines love as, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." Love is primarily actions towards nurturing the spiritual growth of another. I seek to differentiate between love and cathexis. Cathexis is what explains attractions to the opposite sex, the instinct for cuddling pets and pinching babies' cheeks. However, cathexis is not love. All the same, true love cannot begin in isolation, a certain amount of cathexis is necessary to get sufficiently close to be able to truly love. Once through the cathexis stage, the work of love begins. It is not a feeling. It consists of what you do for another person. Love is as love does. It is about giving the other person what they need to grow. It is about truly knowing and understanding them. And that is what love does for me. So as for my defense, I chose to gave up on our relationship simply because I don't want to be a parasite for him. I have so many plans in life that I need to achieve but with him everything didn't seem that important anymore. Things are there served to me on a silver plat. And at the end of the day, I found myself lost in privileges.
"Life is difficult", was never an option when I was with him. I was never attest to the fact that life was never meant to be easy, and that it is nothing but a battlefield of problems. Taking responsibility for my problems  is perhaps the most difficult. Only by accepting the fact that I have problems  and can I solve them. An attitude of ‘I have someone to clean up my mess’ will not take me anywhere. But it was the words of Eldridge Cleaver, “If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem”, hold good for me and open my eyes to eventually reached the decision to left my so called privilege life. I was at the end realized that maybe I wasn't part of the solution that we continuously had when we were together, maybe I was part of the problem, hence to solve me as a problem then I should left and gave myself and him spaces to breathe. I remember one once said to me that, "In your moment of darkness allow fresh air to fill your lungs with hope.Your spirit will do the rest. Breath." But how can someone breathe if there was another one there to block his or her view. So yeah, call me an evil because am consistently self deceiving, with the intent of avoiding guilt and maintaining a self image of perfection but as a part of solution, I also forced to made an action to saved us. Look at us now, even though I was struggling in every inch of my life and in the other hand, he still couldn't accept that we're not belong together anymore but at least we're now taking our own responsibilities in every decision we made. And there was nothing more meaningful for me than giving away my dependency on someone and started to see my life as my own. So from the four stages of spiritual development, am currently at fourth stage. It is the stage where an individual starts enjoying the mystery and beauty of nature and existence. While retaining skepticism, one starts perceiving grand patterns in nature and develops a deeper understanding of good and evil, forgiveness and mercy, compassion and love. This is the stage of loving others as yourself, losing your attachment to your ego, and forgiving your enemies. Ah, life is eventually beautiful!

^_^