Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Vote or Die?



As we all knew already, the 2014 Indonesian legislative election will be held in today on 9 April 2014 to elect 132 members of the Regional Representative Council (DPD), 560 members of the People's Representative Council (DPR) and members of regional assemblies at the provincial and regency/municipality level. For eligible voters residing outside Indonesia, election had already been held on 5 or 6 April 2014 based on the decision of electoral commission of each different countries.
In theory, nearly 190m Indonesians out of a population of about 250m are eligible to go to the polls on today to elect a new parliament. The election commission has printed 775m ballot papers and shipped them to 550,000 polling stations scattered across the sprawling archipelago’s 900-odd settled islands.
Once the votes are counted, the General Elections Commission will eliminate any party that has failed to obtain a 3.5% share of the national vote. It will then allocate seats in the People's Representative Council via a two-stage process. First the number of votes to secure one DPR seat in each electoral district will be calculated by dividing the number of valid votes by the number of seats to be elected in each district. Each party's vote in each district will be divided by this amount to determine the number of seats won outright. Any party with less than this amount will win no seats in this first stage. The remaining votes will then be used to determine which party wins any seats so far unallocated by awarding these seats to the parties with the largest remainders until all seats are allocated.
Now, the question is; do you vote?
Well, to be honest with you, I don’t. I really am not a big fan of any election thingy. But the euphoria caught my attention like no others, but not in a good meaning. Am sorry, I have to admit that I found this political drama was a little bit dumb. Seeing all of those supporters support their parties and or candidates forcing me to laugh in bitter way. And when one of once dominated party claimed their candidate for Presidential was the Indonesian ‘Obama’, I was like, “What the…” - I mean, seriously, what were they thinking? Firstly, why Obama? Not that is against him, but I definitely not a big fan either. I know, I know…I might be the only one who thought that Obama wasn’t ready yet when he got elected and I was right, aren’t I?
No, we are not going to talk about Obama here. That was so 2008, I was so two thousands and late. Hah. But yeah, you can say that am amongst those who named themselves as ‘White Bracket’ or popular as ‘Golput’ – abbreviation for Golongan Putih, people who either does not vote or void their ballots -- refuse to take part in the country's elections.
So what exactly is Golput, and to what extent can Golput be credited with impacting voter turnout and election results in Indonesia?
Golput first emerged as a form of protest vote in the early 1970s during Indonesia’s New Order — at a time when rigged elections ensured victory for the ruling Golkar party. The word Golput, an intentional skewer of Golkar, is an abbreviation of Golongan Putih, or white group/party — referring to protest marking or non-marking of the ballot, rendering that ballot invalid. At that time and under those political conditions, Golput was a powerful symbol of protest.
But times have changed. In 1999, during the first post-Suharto elections, 48 political parties registered to compete. While this number has declined over time to 12 at present, plus three local parties in Aceh, voters do have some degree of choice. Freedom of expression has improved notably since 1999 — as has transparency and accountability of election administration (and subsequent public scrutiny of elections). And during the past few years, there has been an explosion of media through which citizens can express their political dissatisfaction.
Within this changing political landscape, the definition of Golput has been stretched in different directions and to suit different arguments. Some define Golput as the non-exercising of one’s right to vote. Others maintain the “protest primacy” of Golput but include within it informed and intentional abstention. Often, it is used as a grab-bag for all non-votes, from voters who do not vote, to those who cast invalid ballots. Each of these interpretations of Golput runs counter to its roots. In Indonesia’s reform era, Golput has all but lost relevance. What who was once a proud statement of defiance is now a banner headline for declining voter turnout?
Alright, I think it is time for us to cut off all the bullsh*ts. I, myself, chose to become a Golput simply because I have no interest whatsoever in politics. I found it full of dramas and it was kind of a joke in my opinion. But I supported it when the government decided the D day to become a National Holiday though, hah! I mean, like seriously, today I watched something phenomenal in my apartment compound. Everyone, mostly Indonesian, gather in the restaurant, turned the place into a karaoke club, singing along, drinking together, and partying like it was nothing important happened. No one even bother to use their vote. I guess the slogan ‘Vote or Die’ means nothing here. It is more like, ‘No Vote and Stay Alive’. Ha!

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Wrecking Ball

Oh well, this might came to an embarrassing thing for me to say, but yeah..one of the reasons why I chopped my hair last time was because of Miley Cyrus. She has been rocking some exceptionally unusual looks these days and am obsessed. To be honest with you guys, I actually had none knowledge whatsoever about her music and or films, but her bold fashion statement caught my attention once she turned herself into a sexy diva from a country girl. Just like the lyric of her song 'Party in the USA' the only song of hers I knew. I mean, come on..let just admit it. She is an icon for a rebel pop fashion street for the youngster. And even though am not that young anymore, but I totally adore her transformation. As a fashion forward she definitely has some balls. 
So when the Kasabian frontman Tom Meighan slammed Miley by branding her a ‘f***ing nightmare of the 21st century, I was like 'wtf'? I mean, of course I do understand everybody's concern about her suddenly changes herself into a semi porn star in her latest music video, but hey..that was the industry. The music industry is to blame for the 21-year-old singer’s rise to chart dominance by allowing her to trade her sexuality for money. And nope, am not about to defense her music here, but her fashion..yeah. Maybe she was a nightmare, after all she did make some controversies in life and people might knew her from things she did that shocked others rather than her achievements.
‘We (the music industry) created Miley Cyrus, man, that’s our fault. She’s just a f***ing accumulation of internet porn, f***ing hip-hop, f***ing Disney World. She’s just a f***ing nightmare of the 21st century,’ that how the Kasabian guy went, in an tirade against the Wrecking Ball singer. I was like, huh? Really? I mean, does everyone really feel that way about a young girl like Miley? Do you guys really annoy that bad? Wow. 
Okay, let me tell you one thing. Do not take things seriously and never think that everything you seen on telly was exactly like what it is. In my opinion, she might have been a wrecking ball herself but Miley was just playing around with other people feeling while she was enjoying her fame. And please, guys..must admit that when it comes to fashion, she is a diva. No argue about that whatsoever. She turned to became one of the celebrities people love to hate and I didn't see anything wrong about that. The industry made her who she is today and she was just a girl playing her part. Amen to that.

I hopped off the plane at L.A.X. with a dream and my cardigan
Welcome to the land of fame, excess, whoa! am I gonna fit in?
Jumped in the cab, here I am for the first time
Look to my right, and I see the Hollywood sign
This is all so crazy, everybody seems so famous
My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda homesick
Too much pressure and I'm nervous
That's when the taxi man turned on the radio
And the Jay-Z song was on
And the Jay-Z song was on
And the Jay-Z song was on


^_^

Monday, 20 January 2014

For Myuran and Andrew

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Late Post, NYE 2014


Welcoming 2014



Whoa! It’s 2014 already and I’ve been away for approximately six months. Not something that I normally do as you guys knew how obsessed I was with writing. But yea, now am back and the first thing that I want to write here is about my new life. So here we go…
After the death of someone I loved in Bali, I decided to relocate to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia where I resided for almost nine months before I got a job in Sumatra Island of Indonesia, where I originally came from. So yea, since September last year I became a Sumatran. Alright!
Living in the island where Muslims are the majority of the people after fourteen years in Bali was not something that I could call an easy adjustment. I have several things to manage, started with my fashion statement. I am an island girl who loves island lifestyle and fashion. So to see many people, women in particular, covered up in hijab were something that I never used to. And for a fashionable reason, I was kind of shocked. Honestly, I felt so uncomfortable at first.
I am a very active girl and have a thing for sports in general. So one morning, I went for a run at a running track around a mosque called Masjid Agung. I have no idea whatsoever that in that place, there are rules about dressing up and so I went with my usual sport gears such as, legging and t-shirt. I aware about the location was close to a mosque so I dressed as polite as I could be. I am not a fool girl who didn’t understand manner and that what in my mind was at that time. But guess what?
Yup, while I was enjoying my run, an old guy approached me and told me that I was not supposed to go there in my legging and t-shirt which according to him were invited. And he said that loud enough for people around to heard and looked at me like I was an alien. Oh wow! I was like, huh? I was covered up enough according to my standard but obviously that was not enough to the city. What an embarrassing morning. I then decided to cut my run short and went home. It was enough for my embarrassment. Like a dog lost in a fight, I went home with tail between my legs.  
Funny, that was my opinion to this incident. But that doesn’t make me give up to this town. I mean, come on. Am a fighter and I don’t take no as an answer. Never. What happened at that mosque challenge me even more to defeat this town. Not that I am about to surrender to this place and follow its rules, no way. But seriously, I determine to change the people here to realize and see that you are not what wear, but more like what inside you. You can cover up from head to toe but if you are a bad person, than you are bad person. So yea, wish me luck guys. I think I need all the luck that I can get to change this town and make it more acceptable to my lifestyle. Ha!

Friday, 8 February 2013

When We Bored

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Monday, 23 April 2012

Liar Liar Burn In Fire

How often have we told ourselves we hate lies? Yet, we do resort to speaking some amount of lies for various reasons. We lie when it is convenient for us and it is considered that 'white lies' are basically harmless if spoken with the right intention. The reasons for why a person lies could be many - it could be to cover up for something or even to get out of a situation. However, the problem starts when one becomes habituated to it. Lies being told for no rhyme or reason can damage your life to a great extent - professionally and personally as well. This fact is what am dealing with at the very moment. Imagine a person lying to make his/her way through without giving it a thought as to how his/her lying would affect other people around them. That's exactly what a person like me, a pathological liar does. 
Lying is the act of making a false statement. Most people do so out of fear.  Pseudologia fantastica, mythomania, or pathological lying are three of several terms applied by psychiatrists to the behavior of habitual or compulsive lying. It was first described in the medical literature in 1891 by Anton Delbrueck. Although it is a controversial topic, pathological lying has been defined as "falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime. Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental illnesses. For instance people who suffer from antisocial personality disorder use lying to benefit from others. Some individuals with borderline personality disorder lie for attention by claiming they’ve been treated poorly. Pathological lying, on the other hand, can be described as an addiction to lying. It is when an individual consistently lies for no personal gain. The lies are commonly transparent and often seem rather pointless. Pathological lying is considered a mental illness, because it takes over rational judgement and progresses into the fantasy world and back.
By this point, you guys might be confused and like, 'What the heck are you talking about?' Alright, let me clarify what am I talking about here. Over this past two months I've been dating a great guy but screwed him up badly with my habitual lies. Yup, am that kind of girl that everyone hated so much and wished never deal with whatsoever. I don't know when this thing started but all that I know was I constantly lying to others but I never meant to hurt them deliberately. I mean, of course, I knew for sure when I lie it might caused someone to get hurt but I can not help myself. Am an addict and my addiction is to lie.
I know, you guys would probably like, 'WTF? Did she just admit it that she has a mental illness?' Yeah, it was not easy for me to just say this out loud, but I know it's time for me to come clean and out of the closet where I've been hiding in for so very long time now. In my case, am pretty sure that am a Pseudologia Fantastica that came from my Pathological Lying, where I was so used to lie so it's taking over my life henceforth I couldn't see which one was a true and which one was not anymore. In some point, I don't even remember what I just told people like five seconds ago. Am not a shrink but thanks God for the internet because I can get so many information from it. So yeah, am analyzing myself in my own words.
There are many consequences of being a pathological liar. Due to lack of trust, most pathological liar's relationships and friendships fail. If the disease continues to progress, lying could become so severe as to cause legal problems, including but not limited to fraud. Psychotherapy appears to be one of the only methods to treat a person suffering from pathological lying. There has been no research done regarding the use of pharmaceutical medication to treat pathological liars. Some research suggests that certain people may have a “predisposition to lying”. Pathological lying is a complex phenomenon, differing from other mental illnesses. It has many life-changing consequences for those that have to live with the illness. Currently, there is not enough research in the area of pathological lying to guarantee a cure.
Okay, you guys might think that am crazy to this point by admitting that am having a mental illness, but NO, guys...am not crazy. In fact, in most of the case in the world, people who suffer from this disorder are mostly smart or even genius. Not that am telling you that am a genius, but just so you know that mental illness or disorder is more like a tame psychological problem that harm mostly no one physically. Pathological liars - or "mythomaniacs" - may be suffering from histrionic personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. As for my case, I have found that pathological liars like myself cannot tell that they are lying; they actually believe the lie as soon as it comes out of their mouth. We lie about unimportant things that don't really matter to anyone. This can be caused by mental defect but isn't always. Many people said that pathological liars, because they have lied so much that they have lost all conscientious pangs and are callus to doing wrong of this sort.Well, that's not always true. I am a pathological liar. Therefore I am the best person to tell you about pathological liars. Right, pathological liars lie because they find it too uncomfortable to tell the truth, much like how an honest person finds it hard to lie. However, we lie about the most mundane thing sometimes. I even make up stories to win an argument. Also, most people will tell you that we lose track of our lies. For me that is not true, I have an excellent memory capacity and therefore can remember nearly every important lie I've told. I was just having a trouble on separate them from the reality. Furthermore we have not lost all conscientious pangs and we are usually not callus. This person whoever said that was obviously thinking of a sociopath which is completely different to a pathological liar. We don't lie to advance our own goals unlike sociopaths, we lie because it feels comfortable for us. So it's more like a compulsive lie - it is defined as someone who lies out of habit.  Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions.  Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small.  For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right.  Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary.  For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.
"The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe." the quote from H. L. Mencken was pretty much told everything I was talking about pathological liars above. True, few people always want to know the truth or seek it out. But in fact, many people actively deny the truth until they are forced to deal with it. We rarely see the world as it really is. Our perception of the world is biased, our memories betray us, and our true motives can remain hidden. For better or worse, we constantly convince ourselves of things that are not true. We kid ourselves about the most basic things in life: Who we are and what is going on around us.
Oh NO, am not trying to justify what I've done wrong in my past here, never. As a matter of fact, this blog I write because of my exhaustion of lying towards everything in my life. I knew I hurt so many people I loved and loved me and I knew by this point that I do need help. A professional help, it is. Don't you guys ever think that we the pathological liars are actually enjoying our bad habit, NOT at all. But the thing is, we are not that strong enough to have control on ourselves. Pathological liars have no remorse when lying. We do not think that it is bad to lie. We do not worry about the consequences either. We simply lie and go on with life as if nothing is wrong.
A pathological liar must be handled carefully if you wish to help the person change this habit. We would need to be reminded gently about their behavior by pointing out their little bits of lies. Do not blame us for the lies, as many times, we are not even aware about what is being said by us. It might need to use professional help to tackle extreme cases like mine now. I know how difficult this could be for you normal people out there to digest. I mean, last night I was with a guy whom I hang out with for a couple of months now and he was so hurtful when he found out about my lies to him hence he was so furious. But when he asked me for an explanation, I couldn't give him any. All that I could say was that I don't know why and no, I can not control it. I can see the disbelieve expression on his face and the frustration that he got from that answer. Trust me, I do realize that. I wished I had a better explanation, but in fact, I didn't. So, somebody shoot me!

^_^

Sources : Wikipedia, https://wiki.answer.com

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Am Not Perfect

So, as a human being people make mistake. It was like almost impossible to have a super clean record in this world nowadays. I mean, come on, like seriously...the temptations are out there waiting for you to take your opportunities tasting the sweetness of a sinful act. Oh well, at least this was my experience. You can be disagree but you can never deny the fact that what I said was indeed true. A few months ago I met this nice French guy whom I date for a while. Everything went great until one night when he asked me to meet him and his friends in a club somewhere near my place. There was nothing wrong about that except for one small tiny bad thing that I did. Yeah, coincidentally, I met an Italian guy whom I consider more attractive and more like my kind of guy and so when he asked me out to dinner I said 'yes', of course. I didn't mean to hurt anyone but I was never thought that this was going to be something disastrous. In my defense, I didn't thing that there was something serious between me and this French guy just yet. We were dated, true. But I didn't see any string attached yet. So yeah, as a single girl who is still looking for Mr. Right, I told myself at the end of last year that I would open myself to a new guy this year. Was it anything wrong with that? Na-ah, I don't think so.
But my bad was I have this difficulty to just say NO to others. With all of the experiences I had in my childhood, I was always feel bad whenever I turn someone down. I was always feel, for some reasons, it was my responsibilities to say YES to everyone so they will be happy henceforth they would probably love me. Pathetically searching for love, that was me. I was so desperate to make everyone loves me in any way. So yeah, when that French guy asked me to meet him after dinner, I said 'yes'. And yeah, I did a tiny lie when I said I went out for dinner with a friend. Well, technically I didn't lie. This Italian guy was actually a friend whom happened at that time took me out. I thought our date was only a dinner and didn't go that nice so I could just left after it to meet this French dude. But I was wrong.
Turned out this Italian guy was super cool and I was kind of liked him at that time. As I said, I found him more attractive than this French guy, so what can a girl do in this situation apart from enjoying his company? I mean, I won't lie to you guys, so yeah, that bottle of Italian wine was also took part in this so called romantic night. The restaurant was so perfectly romantic and the guy was perfect, the food even more perfect, the music wasn't so bad either, and the most important thing was our connection was beyond believable. We talked to each other like we knew each other forever. But honestly, I didn't forget about this French guy just like that but I didn't know what to tell him either. I still tried to find a good reason to escape to him, but honestly, this Italian guy was so tempting and I found it was hard for me to just left. So yeah, I then just switched off my mobile and in my thought I would just say that my battery went dead.
Dinner then lead to drinks on the club upstairs the restaurant, then his friends asked us to join them in another club before we ended up at the third club we went and I lost counting on how many martini I drank. Was so wasted but never feel so free since I dated that French guy.
Okay, maybe by now everyone knew already how I have this so called 'commitment' issue. Whenever am with someone and things are getting serious, I freaked out. I mean, in the future, I don't see myself as a marriage kind of person. Honestly, the phrase 'til death do us part' in a wedding vow was kind of freak me out. So does the idea of spending the rest of your life with one particular person. I respect everyone who could do that, but am quite positive that I won't be able to. Am very easy to get bored, so yeah, what if half way through I get bored and want something new? Besides, I can't say 'I do' in front of God while I actually pretty sure that 'I don't'. What does this thing do with my story?
Okay, let me back to the topic I talked before. So, after our third date with this French guy, over my innocence, I asked him if we still allowed to date someone else or not? And his reaction was like, "Please tell me that you were kidding? You're not seriously ask that question, are you?" I was like, "Yes, am serious. Because with me, you have to be very explicit." And honestly, I still remember his expression at that time. His disbelieve was scared me. Then he was like, "I hope you're not thinking of dating someone else right now." And again, I lied and told him I didn't.
So one night, a couple of days after my date with the Italian guy, I went out to a dinner with this French guy to sort things out between us. Obviously he was so upset because of I didn't show up at the club he was in that night. So yeah, after our deeply conversations and he told me how he loves me, I then decided to came clean about what happened that night. I mean, I felt so bad for him and when he said he loves me, I couldn't say the same. For some reasons, my lips are locked. True, as for me it wasn't easy to just say the 'L' word even though to someone I have dated for quite a while. Then of course, as you probably guess, he was furious. I knew he hurt and I feel so bad about it but I thought it was for everyone's good if I came clean sooner than later. Right?
Wrong. He, among everything else, couldn't take it easily. He, with all of the reasons he had, thought that I was playing with him, which maybe I did subconsciously but it was never my intention since a very beginning like he accused me of doing. Alright, he is a type of guy who sees life as black and white, as yes and no, as right and wrong. While in the other hand, I see life is a colorful thing as a rainbow, I consider 'maybe' is better than yes or no, I see things in two different perspectives henceforth there is nothing really wrong neither do right for me. Then of course, we had an argument that lead us to a distant. The only one thing I never consider was how bad I damage him with my attitude. I didn't know that he was hurt that bad. And I really forgot that one time when we were at a bar and he was kind of drunk, he told me that when someone f*ck him up, he will f*ck that person up ten times as bad. And I never took that as a serious statement until yesterday morning. No need to tell anything but most of you guys knew what happened yesterday and as for me woke to so many texts asking what's going on was a total shock. But when I received a text from him saying, "Enjoy.." I literally laughing out loud. I mean, even before he text me, I actually knew that it was him. I mean I used his computer so many times opening my Facebook profile before, so yeah, when it happened I just knew.
Okay, maybe everyone was like, "WTH? Why did she laugh?" Alright, can someone tell me a decent reaction to things like that, please? I mean, seriously, for me that was the gay-est thing to ever been done by a guy. And then, let me tell you something. First of all, if you guys are a kind of person who works for someone else, maybe you will find this was hard to digest. Because in this case, you were only go to work every day then pick up your salary by the end of the month. While me, am the one who make sure that everyone got their payment by the end of that month. Every business person experience missed-payments. I remember a dear friend, a very successful businessman, once said to me that he missed his payments so many times too, and that's normal. The only different between him and me was that he can find a good excuse to do so while I don't. One thing that common people might found hard to believe that the essence of business is actually OPM. Yup, Other People's Money. The good businessman is he who can build an emperor without spending any of his money. The greater you are in business the bigger debt you owe to others. So yeah, am not a perfect girl but I was never pretend to be one. In fact, in every story I wrote about myself, I tend to talked about my negative sides rather than the opposite. Am not ashamed of myself and I was never hiding anything from anyone. When am screwed I will tell. But when I didn't do anything wrong, then don't ask me to explain myself. Like yesterday, many people ask for explanation but I refused to give one. Why? Because for me friends don't ask, friends believe. So yeah, you can say that am stubborn or whatever, am not going to deny it. As a matter of fact, I am as stubborn as a donkey, so either you take me for who I am or just leave me alone. I don't mind to be alone, honestly. I love it, in fact. Am not living my life according to anyone standard but myself. Kind of selfish? Indeed.

I Know I'm not perfect
But at the end of the day
Who is? (Oohh)
(S)he wanted someone that perfect
Well Okay
But can you tell me who is?
(Oohh-oohh)
From the song 'Who Is?' by Bruno Mars

^_^