Searching True Love

When I fall in love, it will be forever
Or I never fall in love again
When I fall in love, it will be completely
Or I never fall in love again
(When I Fall In Love - Nat King Cole)

How many true loves that you can have in your life? Wise man said that true love never dies and I bought that words since I was a kid. I was always dreaming that one day I will find a guy who I really love and love me back then we are going to get married and live happily ever after. Such a naïve dream, I know, but I was always had a feeling that it will come true for some reasons.
So yeah, when I was in high school and there was this guy who was all over me and he was kind of cute. Honestly, I was not really in to him but since he was a hunk in school so I was thought, why not? After a while, I found out that he was a very nice guy and yeah, I have to admitted that I was falling for him afterwards. At that time I thought that he was going to be the one that I was looking for. But of course, I was wrong. It was only my puppy love after all.
Then when I was in my University, I was fell in love with my classmate and seriously, I was really into him and I really thought that he was the one. Or maybe I was hoping that he was going to be the one. But again, I was wrong. We were not even made it to our first year. After a while and experimented with some short relationship here and there, I met a guy who is really every parents dreams and he was my senior in University. My mom fell in love with him right away when I first introduced him to her. So once again I thought my searching of true love was ended here. But once again, I was wrong. We did make it to our fourth year but it didn’t stop me from leaving him since I didn’t feel any strong connection with him. I have got a feeling that I liked him just because of my parents love him and they had a strong hoped for us at that moment.
Then almost ten years ago, I met a guy who again I thought was my true love. And again, I thought my searching for true love was finally ended. Well, we have made it to our tenth year now, and everyone thought that we are perfect together. But I don’t know. Is that really that my searching of true love is eventually ended here? To be honest, I am not sure about it. Because I am just a human being and I sure am still have my desires. But for this moment in time, I really do hope that he is indeed my true love since I felt kind of tired of looking for one.
^_^

Stickwitu

Nobody ever loved me better
I must stick with you forever
Nobody is going to take me higher
I must stick with you
You know how to appreciated
I must stick with you, my baby
Nobody ever makes me feel this way
I must stick with you
(Stickwitu - Pussycat Dolls)

My dear friend and I have a conversation a couple days ago about our men. This thing came because of for some reasons, we are in a position where we feel bored with our love life. No, not because of we don’t love our men anymore but simply just because of we are bored. And this situation makes us feeling guilty since they never do anything wrong. But after almost ten years together, we think we have a right to feel bored, don’t we?
Here is the thing, our men are the man of every woman would dream of. Good guy, responsible, loyal, quite good looking, and the most important thing is they are financially settled. So, I know what you guys thinking, what else could we ask for? We knew that we are the luckiest girls in town and we knew that any girl would give up anything just to be in our shoes. But yeah, we can not lie to ourselves and yeah, we are bored. Maybe we are kind of girls who doesn’t know how to thanks for all of privileges that we have got in life, but hey, we are just a normal human being.
Then along came a girl who we knew for quite sometime, who is always said that she is always unlucky in love. Either a guy never take her seriously or just want to play around with her or the worst one is that they all just want to take advantage of her. She was always skeptical when it comes to a relationship and said that all guys are the same. Seeing her in that position wakes us up and makes us realized how lucky we are. Yeah, while most of the girls struggling to find their men, here we are having a steady relationship with an almost perfect gentleman and still bored.
So yeah, this blog is actually dedicated to our men, specially mine. I would like him to know that I now realized how lucky I am and yeah, for sure I will stick with him, I must. I know I never said that I love him lately, but now I want him to know that I do indeed loving him. Still, I feel bored with us but I will stick with him because as the song said, nobody ever loved me better, nobody’s going to take me higher, nobody ever makes me feel this way, I must stick with you.
^_^

Exit Permit

We were as one, babe for the moment in time
And it seemed everlasting that you will always be mine
Now you want to be free, so I’m letting you fly
‘Cause I know if my heart, babe our love will never die, no
You’re always be part of me
I’m part of you, definitely
Girl, don’t you know you can’t escaped me
Oh darling, ’cause you’re always be my baby
And we’re linger on
Time can’t erase the feeling this strong
No way, you never going to sack me
Oh darling, ‘cause you’re always be my baby
(Always Be My Baby - David Cook)

I was listening to the song above on my car stereo while driving to work and something just hit me on the head right away. Yeah, why can’t anyone (I mean men) said that to us (I mean girls). The thing is, every time my friend and I plan to go out at night, we always have to ask permission to our men. That was okay actually if they can understand us and let us go with pleasure. But no, they were always like asking so many questions, and set the time for us to go home. How not cool was that? One day my friend asked our other friend who is Japanese girl if she has to ask permission to her boyfriend first if she wants to go out at night. And she looked at us with a funny look and said that she will tell her boyfriend that she wants to go out but not asking for his permission because after all, she still has her own life even if she is indeed with him at the moment. We were like, exactly! That is what we think as well, but not according our men!
So yeah, whenever we were out we were like checking our watch every minute and that was so irritating! My man actually is not too bad because I sometime still can negotiate with him and he is actually a cool guy who used to go out a lot. So he was kind of understand why I still want to go out with my friends. But my friend’s man, Gosh…he was like calling or texting my friend to check on her like every minute even if we go out during the day! That is why my friend and I sometime did not answer our man’s phone calls when we were out together. Because we knew what is going to happen. They were like asking us where we were, who we with, what time we will be home, those kind of question that made us feel like aaarrrggghhh! Then yeah, we prefer not to answer their phone call because whether we talk to them or not, they are still going to get angry and there still will be arguments later or so why would we ruin our day out with that? Why not just wait until we were home and face it afterwards?
My friend and I had a serious conversation about this one day and we were like yeah, if a guy love you like he said he does, he should be trust you enough to let you go out with your friends and just have fun, right? Because he knew that you will always come back to him since you are always be his baby, right? Yeah, and if you determine to leave, he will not standing your way, right? Because he knew that you will always come back, right? And yeah, we do like partying still. There's nothing wrong with that, right? Come on guys, ask David Cook! He’ll tell you!
^_^

Please Forgive Me? (An Open Letter To My “Holiday In Goa”)

Dear…
I know it was kind of weird writing a letter to someone who actually I can see at anytime, but you know why I do this. Oh yeah, you sure do. I know how upset you are with me at this moment and I don’t want to make it even worse. Beside, you know that I am not good orally. The thing is, since the first time we met, I knew that I would never leave my man for you, ever. But my mistake was giving you a false hoped that drown me to an unfinished regret. I am so sorry for that, I wished I could undo the situation between us, but thing has done and the wound is already there and I do feel responsible for all of that. For those, I apologize to you.
My Dear…
Maybe you hate me for everything that I have done to you but deep inside my heart I believe that what happened between us gave us some lessons about love. And I have no regret what so ever for that. Because hey, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, right? I do feel stronger now and I believe so do you. I pray for you every day, so that you will forgive me and I know you will find someone who is better than me. Someone who cares enough about you and willing to spend the rest of her life with you. But not me. I have my own life and you came at a wrong time. I wished that you came to me nine years earlier, when I was still looking for my man. I wished that God has a different plan for us. I wished that we didn‘t fall that far…ah, there are so many wishes in my heart at the moment, but what for? It will not change anything.
My love…
I am sorry that I love you, but not as much as I love my man. I am sorry that you found out about it in an awful way. I never meant to hurt you since it hurts me even more, but it happened in a way that I never plan before. But I am glad that finally you see who I really am and I hope with time being you will accept it. I am not the girl for you. You won’t find what you’re looking for inside me. I am too selfish and too ignorant for a sensitive guy like you. Since the first time we met, I did tell you about this, remember? But you were never listen to me. You thought maybe your love could changed me, but no. I was too stubborn and you have all the right to give up now.
My Dearest…
Now that it’s all said and done, I hope we can fix the thing between us in a good way. Please don’t hate me for this and please forgive me for all of the dramas between you and me. I took all the blame for this because you have done nothing wrong. It was all on me. As much as my negative side but I am not afraid of admitting my fault and I won’t be ashamed to apologize to anyone. So yeah, I am sorry that it was ended like this. It’s not something that I deliberately do but I am sure that God has something to do with all of these. I still love you but it’s in a different way now. I hope we still can be friends…
Love,
^_^Dewi
(Dewi wrote this letter as a reply for a phone call from her ‘Holiday In Goa’ two days ago)

Dating With The Enemies

How many of you ever come out of your comfort zone and try something different? Here is the thing, girls normally feel comfortable in certain way and afraid to step out scared of what is going to happen out there, specially in dating world. If you feel comfortable with older guy, why try the younger one? If you feel comfortable with good guy type, why try the bad boy type? That’s what my friends always said to me. But hey, how do you know the taste if you never try, right?
So yeah, eight months ago I met a guy who was definitely not my type, a surfer. I always avoid a surfer because of many things. First of all, I hate beach. Well, I don’t hate beach, but I never find hang out on the beach is fascinating. Never. I don’t like the smell the beach, for me it’s fishy. I don’t understand why people love go to the beach, it’s hot, smelly, and too many people around. So yeah, in my mind I would never ever date a surfer. Hey, they smell like ocean water, right? Fishy? Euw! And as an OCD person, I am very sensitive with any smelly things. I can smell anything within miles and yeah, I am kind of girl who can’t tolerate anything with bad smell. So yeah, basically I don’t date surfers.
But eight months ago, when I met this guy, I was like ready to try something different in my life because he is completely different with all the guys that I have been with. Even if I had so many things that I didn’t like about his way of thinking, and so did he oppositely, I guess, but we still tried to made it happened. And guess what, despite all of those arguments between us, all of those fights, we did have a good fun when we were together. Even if we ended up not nicely but still, he filled something in my heart. And yesterday, when he called me to apologized about how did we end up last time and said that he wanted to fixed everything that happened between us before so that we can be friends again, I was like shocked. I never knew that he is actually not so bad guy after all. Even if he said something rough sometime, but that was only to shows his anger, to let them out. And it was nothing to do with him being a surfer but just pure personality issue. So yeah, I am now have a different perspective about surfers. Still, won’t date them again but I think they are cool to be friends with.
So girls, get out of your comfort zone and try something different! You might find something that you like out there, who knows?
^_^

In The Name Of Love

My friend Wina (not a real name, of course) cheated on her husband. When I asked her why, she said that she really-really in love with this new guy and she said that this new guy really brought something different in to her life, bla-bla-bla. She even think of leaving her husband for him. The only thing that stop her from doing that was a little boy that they have together. One question came up in my mind? How far someone will go in the name of love? Would they sacrifice everything that they got in life just because of a little thing called love?
When I graduated from university, my boyfriend back then proposed to me. And I turned him down, because even if I was in love with him at that moment, but I knew that I could not sacrifice what I got just because of that. I still wanted to pursued my dreams. And even if I loved him, I didn’t think that I would willing to spent the rest of my life with him. So, here I am now, got almost all of my dreams and have no regret what so ever.
When I decided to be with my man, I knew that was not just because of love. I can assure you that love was not even the first consideration back then. I am very sure that love is not something immortal. It can be faded away, and when that time come, you will look for something new out there. I chose to be with him because of the comfort feeling that he gave me all the time and all the good things in life that I learned from him that makes me believed that I could be a better person if I am with him (sounds cliché, but true though). And I never got this from anyone else before. So, when my love faded away, like couple years ago, I did look for it somewhere else, but I did not cheating on him. Well, at least not physically. Oh, no…I will not do that. Even in the name of love…specially in the name of love!
Back to my friend Wina, she is still with her husband now. But she also keep her relationship with the new guy. I feel sorry for her hubby, but one of my German friend who lives together with her boyfriend in Germany once said that if her boyfriend leaves, then maybe there is something wrong with her. That her boyfriend must find something that he wanted but he could not get it from her. Hum-mm, I don’t know about this. In my friend’s case, this is probably right. Her husband’s job makes him travels a lot and leave her and their son for months. He only comes home like every third month and stays for couple weeks and then back to work again. Like my friend said, she has her need to fulfill indeed. But can that justified her affair? Can love justified her affair?
When you decided to marry someone, isn’t it not just about love but also a commitment? If you committed to spend the rest of your life with someone, you know…the ‘till death do us part’ thing in your wedding’s vow, don’t you think that you have an honor to keep those words? And don’t you think that to keep your vow, it needs a lot more than just love? And folks, if you are cheating on your spouses, please don’t blame love for that. Because love is not that strong, but passion and temptation are. Well, at least judging by their name, they should be.
^_^