Marry Me...Not!

Alright, this is not what you were thinking it is. A couple of weeks ago, one of the blue collar comedians, Ron White, said in his Facebook status that, "The best thing in married life is that you are never come home to an empty house. The worst thing is you are never come home to an empty house." First my reaction was laughed, of course, as I treat that as a joke from a great comedian of the time. But, after a while I was like, "Wait a minute. That wasn't a joke. That was the truth, a bitterly truth about marriage life."Okay, please don't jump into any conclusion just yet as I was never ever against marriage life. The thing is just that I was never see marriage as something necessary. I, as an ultimate selfish person, found that marriage means extra baggage which for me is something hard to be tolerated. Oh well, unless if I can find a super duper patient guy who will be delightful to put my demands above everything else, then yeah maybe we can talk here. But that was so gay material and for sure I wasn't planned to marry one. Ha!Okay, seriously now, when I read Mr. White's status, I was like, "Hallelujah brother!" I mean, let face it. As an ignorant and larger than life selfish girl, it was hard for me to share. I don't share anything in life and it was always about me, myself, and I no matter what. My ex knew this for real. So yeah, with all of the responsibilities and stuffs, marriage life was kind of scared me. No, am not afraid of commitment as I was always had long term relationships in the past. The only thing is that am a very simple girl which avoid complication whatsoever. So yeah, am a kind of girl who just pack her bag and walk away when a relationship ended. Simple indeed. And I don't really buy any commitment on a piece of paper. But as an easterner, I was completely aware that the thing like this was crucial in our traditional life. Speaking of witch, I can see the image of my oldies right in front of me now nagging about my future marriage plan. Dreadful!Brought this thing up, I can not ignore the conversation I had once with my ex-colleagues when she talked to me about how stressful and desperate she was on waiting for someone competent in any ways to ask for her hand and marry her. In an effort to comforted her, I told her my opinion about this sort of thing. Did I succeed? Nah. Was a total screwed up, to be honest with you. Turned out that she was a conventional girl who believes that marriage life is supposed to be written in our destiny. Funny thing was when she tried to remind me to take my words back as God probably heard what I said and will treat them as a pray then make it true. Ha!Come on, don't be that serious here. I mean, I was just trying to say what I thought about marriage life was. Nothing serious and definitely has nothing to do with God. Not that am afraid if God will probably do what my friend said that He's going to do, but I really didn't think about it in that kind of way whatsoever. My point is, as a super selfish type of person, I love to come home to an empty house where nobody bother my business and I can do whatever I want to do without asking anyone's opinion. I love being alone therefore I don't treat marriage as a destination but just a choice. And as a free human being, everyone free to choose whatever they want in life, being marriage or not. As for Ron White's quote about marriage life, he was totally right actually. Coming home to an empty house can be treated as a benefit as much as a loss. And vice verse, being marriage which means that you are never come home to an empty house can be treated as something good or bad at a same time. It all depends on what do you want in life and what your perspectives are. What's good for you can be good or bad for everyone else. But it doesn't mean that you were right and everyone else was wrong. For me, there's nothing right or wrong about the choice you've made in life. Everything has gazillion different perspectives, so just relax and do what you think is right for you. After all, no one knows what's best for you apart from yourself. And just because you were marriage doesn't mean that you have no right to demand your own space anymore. Once in a while, you do need an empty house to come home to, don't you think so?

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Too Tired For An Affair

"What do you want for dinner tonight?"
"I don't mind,"
"We're having liver,"
"I hate liver,"
"I thought you don't mind,"
"What do you want me to say?"
"Do you love me?"
"What a question!"
"Say it!"
"OK, I love you!"
"Don't say it like you were ordering food in a restaurant,"
"I love you,"
"I don't believe you,"
(A Marriage Made In Heaven : Or Just Too Tired For An Affair - Erma Bombeck)

Sounds familiar with this conversation? For tthose who were marriage, of course. I mean, come on, you have got to admit it that it was almost impossible to find a marriage made in heaven at this time being. When I said a marriage made in heaven, I mean literally, a happy and harmonious marriage or partnership. The thing is, human is a very selfish and individual creature himself. So yeah, it took a huge heart for a human to understand others, mostly they don't. Or, if they do, normally that was a result of some kind of deal or an agreement. Or, they must be half an angel or saint.
The problem was almost the same, seemed like everyone married the same men. Seriously, how many times you heard your girlfriends complaining about their partners which linked you to your own relationship? Exactly! From a woman point of view, sometime I put myself to that lame thought that all of the differences between man and woman would be disappear as soon as the Priest said, "Now I pronounce you husband and wife," But I was dead wrong. If we were come to our common sense, that was the time actually, when the problem started. I mean, many of us blinded with the status as a husband and a wife, hence our confusing whether trying so hard as a great spouse to our partner or just becoming ourself. Many of us change as soon as they got marriage, for a better or a worst reason, it doesn't really matters. The thing is, we tend to became someone else according to what our spouses wanted and we call it a sacrifice that we made to have a marriage made in heaven. But that was wrong.
My point is, in order for marriages to be made in Heaven there has to be a Heaven. Some people don't believe there is. So, if there's no Heaven that pretty much answers the question. If, on the other hand, there is Heaven (God): It's possible that when there's genuine love at the time of a marriage that marriage was "made in Heaven", but if love dies then maybe we can assume Heaven didn't plan to have that love last forever. It's possible that everyone in our lives are supposed to be there at the time they are and that Heaven has plans for people that don't always include remaining married. People learn a tremendous amount about life, themselves, marriage, and love when a marriage fails. Many failed marriages result in children. Marriages could be made in Heaven, but maybe they're not made to last for a reason.
I, personally, suppose I believe that each life and each soul has its individual journey and that there isn't a one-size-fits-all rule that Heaven imposes on everyone. If there's a plan that even a marriage that's made in Heaven is to dissolve then that's what happens. Another possibility is that people marry the wrong person, which amounts to going against Heaven's plans for what it takes for a good marriage. As a result, the people suffer the consequences of divorce. If this is the case, you can't blame the people most of the time because most of the time they marry the wrong person out of not knowing any better.
But, on the other hand, is there a chance that all marriages - wonderful, ok-enough or rotten and destructive - are made in Heaven and are supposed to last forever? In all objectivity, I suppose there is that chance. I suppose the punishment for divorce could be all that awful things that can happen as a result of it. I suppose, too, maybe divorced people even get sent to Hell. I don't happen to believe that, but in all objectivity, I have to acknowledge that it's also a possibility. Maybe Heaven decides that some people shall be deprived of love, peace, and happiness for their whole life - for no reason that anyone understands. Maybe Heaven doesn't want people trying to find those things in their life. Maybe Heaven wants children coming from empty, cold, destructive, home environments for some reason. Or maybe there was a marriage made in heaven. Or maybe it was just people who were involve in those kind of marriages were too tired for affairs. Or maybe it was just me with my weird way of thinking. As I might not believe in marriage made in heaven, but I do believe that an arrangement could make a marriage feels like heaven.
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P.S : I Love You...

If you read my previous blog, then you would ask why aren’t we talk about ‘boyfriend stealer’ now as I promised. But, as I said all the time, I barely said something in serious meaning so why bother talk about it here? I mean, you guys can watch ‘Denise Richards’ show on E! for that, can’t you? Hey, she is an ultimate boyfriend stealer, remember?

Instead, in my blog, let’s talk about something funnier, and this was a true story. My friends, two Aussie guys, went out one night to a club and, as you were expected, met girls over there. After spent some ‘quality times’ together, one of them exchanged phone numbers with one of the girls and decided to stayed in touch. A few days after, their sort of relationship started became pretty intense as they were almost texting each other everyday, few times a day even. For my friend, as a guy, it was pretty much a fun thing to do. Hey, what else could a single guy do if he got sweet messages on phone from a girl apart from replying them? But, in the other had, looked like the girl was started to think it as something special. Like they were having this sort of serious relationship or something. Man, I warned him to be careful as girls usually don’t fall in love just for fun but he was never believe. Until one night, when they were texting each other again, and at the end of her text the girl wrote those magic words : I love you! My friend was like, “Say what???”
So yeah, when my friend then told me what happened and showed me the text, I was laughed my head off then was like , “What did you say to her, dude? Honestly!” He then like, “Nothing! I said nothing!” Seriously, he tried to convince us that he was the victim here rather than anything else. Dude, you failed! Hah!
Okay…now seriously, as a girl, I can understand what the girl been through here. We, the girls, are usually taking thing like this with our feeling, sometime too deep, while in the other hand, guys are more relax and playful about it. When guys said that you are beautiful and he enjoyed your company, doesn’t mean that he loves you or wants you to marry him next week. When guys said something, sometime the meanings are indeed literally. So girls, please be wise and sensible whenever you are in the same situation as the girl I talked about above. Don’t jump into a conclusion just yet, just because some random guy texting you intensively, doesn’t mean that he is actually into you. It took more than just short messages to make a guy loves you. A lot more.
The other thing that you should consider as well before doing something stupid like the girl I mentioned above is you would definitely be a joke for him and his friends. Yeah, whoever the girl was, am so sorry but you were became a joke between us now. I mean, I know it was kind of mean for me as a girl to be involved in this joke but what can I do? I have to admit it that this was indeed very funny. I guess they were right when they said that girls don’t fall in love just for fun. So don’t blame us that now we have a ‘solemn’ words that we were always used whenever we texting each other. As you guessed, yeah…those words were : “I love you” Hah!
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To my dear friends Mas and Cookie...thanks for sharing the story with me, and..."I love you!" haha..

When A Man Loves A Woman

Nope, this is not about Michael Bolton's song, even though the title is the same, but this is about my confusion on how do you supposed to express your love to your partner in a proper way. In one of Entourage TV series episode, Eric's girlfriend who felt threatening knowing the fact that he was still keep in touch with his ex-girlfriend, asking his permission to give her access to read his e-mails. When Eric told the boys, everyone was like, "No way!" As for me too, that was exactly my reaction. I mean, how insecure are you to low yourself doing such a noisy thing like that? Don't you trust the man you with? Here is the thing, my partner gave me a full access to his e-mail, he even told me whenever he change his password. But unless he asked me to, I was never check on them. Even when he received e-mails from his female friends, he told me and asked me to read them. I know his intention was to show me that he has nothing to hide from me, but I was never interested to read them. Why? First of all because I trust him, but also because of I was never feel any threatening from anything or anyone. I mean, for me, it's not about whether you give each other access to your personal things, but it's more like your commitment to each other. How do you expect your partner to trust you if you have a difficulty trusting them?
Back to the Entourage episode, this thing was triggered by one morning when Eric received a phone call from someone and rushed to shower because he said he has to go for a meeting. While he was in the shower, the noisy girlfriend checked on his mobile and found out that he was talking to someone with a funny name before jumped up of the bed. And she also found out that he was still keep in touch with his ex-girlfriend as she found her texts in his mobile. This things made her go ballistic. But I was like, that was the prize you got for being such a noisy beyotch! Duh!
Now, I was wondering, when a man loves a woman and likewise, does that mean that you should open up all of your personal things to each other? Or, let say it this way, does your partner entitled to access your personal stuffs and there is nothing you can say about that? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to intimidate anyone here by saying that if you are noisy that means you are not cool. Hey, who am I to have any rights judging others coolness? I was just express my confusion. I mean, for me, when you love someone then you should set them free. I think we should rely on each other's commitment in a relationship. Maybe am too naïve or maybe am stupid. But I don't get jealous like normal people, I don't know why, some said that I have an empty hole inside me. Well, actually I do have a jealousy feeling in me but it won't make me go crazy or anything. Besides, if my partner told me about all of the e-mails he received, then why would I waste my time reading them? I have so many interesting things to do in my spare times! Hah!
In the episode of Entourage I was talking earlier, Eric broke up with his girlfriend because of that. If you guys watch the show, then you would know that Eric is the most honest and decent guy in between all of them, so actually the girl has nothing to worry about, in fact, he admit to the boys that he actually wanted this thing to work. But, he decided to ended up his relationship because of her insecurity thing that drive him crazy. And being with someone who has lack of confidence like her really is something uncomfortable. Now back to my point, if your partner give you a full access to their personal stuffs, does that mean that they love you? And if they refuse to do it, does that mean that they don't really love you? Does love define by something so lame like that?
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She's Just Not That Into You

Two weeks ago, I learned the fact that a couple that I’ve known like forever is getting divorce. The reason was he found some evidences that she’s been cheating on him. So yeah, like every other moral oriented person, I blamed the wife. What a bad girl she is. I can understand completely how disgraced he felt knowing that the woman that he married for more than ten years capable to do such thing. As he said, he was always tried so hard to be a good husband for her, provided all her needs and stuffs, but what did he get? A slap on his face!
But that was two weeks ago. Thing is, recently I watched his movie ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ and discovered shocking thing in relationship. Well, to be honest with you guys, it was not that shocking actually, only now I realized that it was okay to think it that way. Yeah, these whole times, I was always think that if you’re not happy with your partners, then of course you have a right to tell them and probably even more extreme, leave them. When I mention that to someone, he was like, “What religion are you in?” Now, what this got to do with any religion? I don’t get it. But because of the way he said that, I was kind of backed off and save my thought inside me and never discuss about it anymore.
Until this thing with the couple I mentioned above came up and everyone seems to ganged up with him and judged her as a sl*t, this thought came back to mind again. I was always believe in the phrase ‘It takes two to Tango.’ I don’t believe that he was the perfect guy and the only victim in this case. I mean, if their marriage was so perfect and he was never done anything wrong, then I don’t see any reason for her to cheat. I knew her for almost ten years, I know that we weren’t that close, but still I don’t think that she is a bad person. I mean, when you committed a crime of passion then who has a right to judge you whether you’re guilty or not? And seriously guys, if you commit yourself in front of God (read : marriage) does that ease your right to get bored with your partner? Does that mean that you already found your destiny? Your soul mate? What if the person you marry was not your destiny? Does marriage mean that your chance to meet your soul mate ended up there? For example, yesterday when my friend and I took a drive around there was this cute guy we met and tried to make contact with us but we drove off. All because of none of us are singles. Now, my question is, what if that cute guy was actually our potential destiny? Should we passed the chance to know him just because of we were taken? Hum, I know most of you will say if he is really our destiny then we’ll meet again. But what if this was the only chance for us to meet our potential destiny? What if there is no second chance? Should we just let it go while it was actually served in front of us already? Just because we’re unavailable?
As for the couple above, why can we look at their situation simply as a destiny. Maybe they are destined to fell apart. Maybe the other guy was actually her real destiny and not her husband. Who knows? Who can assure us that the person that we marry now is our destiny? No one. Things are change, so does feelings. You can feel madly in love with someone at certain time but in the different time you would thought, “I can‘t believe I fell in love with him.” That is so human. We never know what the future holds, so yeah, no one has a right to judge another when it comes to relationships. No one right and no one wrong. Just because of one cheating on another, doesn’t mean that he or she was the bad one in it. Hey, everything happened, happens for a reason, remember? And yeah, that reason doesn't have to be always morally correct.
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Two Lovers

Nope, if you guys are asking me whether this blog was about Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow’s new movie with a same title, whether am going to write down my critics toward the movie, then the answer is no. But, the inspiration actually did come from the film that I was just watched this morning on my car stereo on my way to work. Before I tell you the whole things, I would like to tell you a funny story first. When I just about write down my thoughts about this topic, I googled the words ‘two lovers’ first to get an image to complete my write, and guess what…every image that I could find was content an image of a guy with two girls. What did that tell you? Yeah, I guess when we start a conversation about an unfaithful relationship, everyone will assumed that it was about men. Or, maybe for some reasons that I don’t know, our community will tolerate it if it was doing by a man. Funny in sarcastic way, I think.
So yeah, of course am not going to talk about a man who cheat on his partner here, that was way too common. In the opposite way, yes of course, am going to talk about the thing that am good in it: women, hah! Here is the thing, at a pool party in my house last weekend, a dear friend of mine who is happily married asked me about polyandry thing. For sure, I was like shocked that she asked me that question but still managed explaining to her that it was against any religion and law. Then she was like telling me a story that shocked me even more, that she is in love with someone else outside her marriage. And am talking about a girl who is way from the description of cheating type of person, by far! Wow!
First I was like didn’t know what to say, but when my common sense started taking control, then I could think properly and looked at this situation from a different point of view. No, am not going to justify anything here just because she’s my friend, or because she is a woman, or whatever. NO. But what am going to tell you is that who are we to judge? So yeah, am not going to label her as a bad person for falling in love with another man, never. Even if I aware that the fact that she is a marriage woman, but does that erased her right to fall in love again? When you (women) made that decision to move a step forward by getting marriage, does that mean that your life ended there? Does that make you (women) a bad person if in the middle of your perfect marriage, you’ve got this doubt felling that your partner was maybe not the one for you? Was that wrong if your heart started questioning if the other guy might be the one? And was that wrong for you (women) if you want to keep both relationships as those make you feel fulfill at the moment? A dear friend of mine once said that there is no such a bad person and am totally agree with him, because every each individual has his or her own situation. And as an outsider, no one is capable to tell what is right and what is wrong for them apart from themselves. And yeah, sometime we probably mistaken love with passion, sometime we were probably only bored of our routine with our partners then see something out there was more tempting. Sometime we were just made a stupid mistake in decision and choose to be with someone else over a temptation, but hey…that was so human, right? You can call it temptation, or passion, or lust, or anything. But for me, I call it ‘mitigating circumstances’. And if we can tolerate it when it was doing by men, why don’t we started tolerating it for women too? It’s not that hard, is it?
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If Tomorrow Never Comes..(My Deepest Feeling Inspired By A Song With Same Title)

Sometimes late at night, I lay awake in dark, the thought crosses my mind…if I never wake in the morning, would you ever doubt the connection between us? The true feelings that we share everyday? Would you ever doubt the way I feel about us in my heart?
If tomorrow never comes, will you know how much I love you? How much I adore you? Despite on everything that they said about you? Despite on how we are definitely not a true match, despite on how you had a problem understanding me and vice versa?
If my time on earth were through, and you must face this world without me, is the love that we share in the past is going to be enough to last? Is the love I gave you each day in the past is going to be enough to occupied you?
If tomorrow never comes, will you keep me in your heart? Will you kiss me for the last time? Will you mention my name in every pray you made before you go to bed? Will I be the one in your mind before you close your eyes every night? Will you ever doubt that we is belong to you and me?
If tomorrow never comes, I would like to take this chance to tell you how I feel about you, about us, about you and me. I know I failed to show you everyday how much I love you, how much I care. If tomorrow never comes, I want you to know how much I bother. I don’t want to regret it when my true feeling for you never revealed. So now I make a promise to myself, that I will say it to you each day how much you mean to me and avoid the circumstance where there’s no second chance to show you that you’re still the one. If tomorrow never comes, I want to tell you what am thinking of…if tomorrow never comes, will you know how much I love you?
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une lettre ouverte à mon Jour férié Dans Goa, vous êtes toujours celui..