What Were You Thinking?

What do you guys think of one night stand? About making out with a total stranger? Here's the thing, a dear friend of mine told me about his Friday night out where he met this lady (yup, that's exactly how he quoted her) and ended up making out with her. He was like, "I almost forgot how exciting it was to make out with a total stranger." Of course, I won't let him getaway just like that, I want details! So yeah, I made him spared me the story which am going to spare to you guys. Hey, don't be like that! Of course his secret won't be safe with me! But at least I won't say his name as it'll be inappropriate to tell. Ha!
So here's the story, my dear friend went out to a secretive bar near his house on Friday night and there was she, sat adjacent to him at the bar. She then approached him asked if she can use his phone to make a call and he oblige. After using his phone, she then offer to buy him a drink as a thank you which turned out to drinks. They then continued the night to a nightclub and everything else happened from there. Oh no, I didn't know what really happened after that because of my very dear friend refused to gave me the detail as he said it was pretty gross. I was like, "Did you do it in the club toilet or something?" Ha, of course I was joking. I don't need his complete story on that, it would be TMII (Too Much Intimate Information) and I don't sniff other people business that far. Instead, I gave him my observation and said, "Well, she must be older than you," He was laughing at first and then like, "Why did you say that? How come?" I was like, "Isn't it obvious? She made the first move, she seemed to know what she was doing and very confident of herself." Laugh again, then admitted it, "Yes, she was older than me and she has two kids already."
Okay, enough with my dear friend, but what caught my attention in this case was about making out with a total stranger. As you guys probably knew already, I don't do one night stand and I don't make out on first date. I take that thing very serious. Hey, am an OCD, remember? So yeah, what my friend just told me was a complete new thing to me hence my curiosity. Especially when my dear friend then told me that I missed a lot because of that. I was like, really? What did I really miss? The excitement? Of what? Making out with someone you didn't even know what their background were? Okay, am an old fashion type of girl when it comes to sex. I, as I said in one of my blog, treated sex as something sacred so somebody shoot me!
A guy I hang out with a couple of years ago was also practicing this kind of lifestyle. Actually, I think that's how we end up knowing each other at first place as he approached me at a bar one night and tried to make his move. But that was in the past and nothing really happened between us, instead, he became one of a dear friend to me now. Back then, when I asked him about his lifestyle toward sex, he was like, "Am single, so until I find someone I really fall for, I prefer doing it this way." At that time, I thought he was just a selfish kid who refused to be responsible for everything he has done. Just a typical young kid. As my other friend said he was just not into carrying the girl extra baggage into the next day, so yeah, one night stand is a perfect way to do it.
Speaking of this, remind me of another friend who accidentally met one of his one night stand a couple of weeks after. Turned out the girl that he picked up at a bar that night was a friend of his friend. What an awkward situation, for the girl to be exact. I mean, my friend said that he was totally cool about that but the girl went ballistic and took off without even said goodbye to anyone. Two words : AWK-WARD! But yeah, most of girls take sex as a serious matter. Some of them, like the actress Jessica Alba whom in her interview with Cosmopolitan magazine once said that she was totally cool with one night stand, maybe doing this making out with a stranger kind of thing, but most of them don't. In the real life, girls are always ended up became the one who were falling for the guys who they shared bed with. Well, that's unless if you were Jessica Alba, for sure. Ha!
Then, because of that reason, I choose not to make out with any stranger whatsoever. For me, it was kind of gross as you have no idea who the guy is and what kind of lifestyle he has been doing regarding to his sex background, creepy! But unsurprisingly, men never really bother with this issue. Taking it as a compliment, maybe because girls are normally take care of themselves better than men so you guys have nothing to be worried. I don't know, but my point is, if you were an adventurous type of person who love to experience all of the excitement people told you in life, you might want to try this. But, for an old fashioned girl like me, you are probably not going to enjoy it as every time someone told me about his or her one night stand, I was like, "What were you thinking?"

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Who's In Who's Out (America Got It Wrong)

Alright, as one of the American Idol's fans, I (together with millions other fans out there) was literally shocked to see Pia's early departure last night. I mean, for the second time around America got it so wrong, and to topped of that, the judges couldn't stepped in to save her as they used their one time saving for Casey already when for the first time America got it wrong as well. I know this is a competition which depends on public votes in deciding who's in and who's out every week. And yeah, I know there was technology involved where we can't control the outcome whatsoever, but still, it was heart broken seeing such a talent having a premature leaving while at least two other contestants, according to me, don't deserve to still be up there. No freaking way!
So yeah, it was not a surprise at all when everyone put all of their disappointments on to their status in every social networking they were in last night. We can tell how upset the judges panel were, how Jennifer Lopez was literally in tears when she tried to hold her emotion, and so did Randy. Steven was also mad about the decision America had made, but of course, we hardly can tell as he is a rock star after all. They don't do emotion. Ha!
When talking about other contestants, I better tell you who I thought were supposed to leave last night, and they were Lauren and or Halley. I mean, seriously..they both had been in the bottom three for so many time, they did alright on the other night but Pia was way up there. She seemed to be in a different level than two other girls. She belongs to the top six of the best singers in the competition together with Casey, Paul, Jacob, Scotty, and James. So what went wrong last night?
I then remember the interview between Oprah and Adam Lambert earlier this year when Oprah asked Adam about the phenomenal show. About Simon's leaving and how it would effected the show. And correct me if am wrong, but am sure Adam said that for the first two weeks, most of the fans did actually bother what Simon said but after that it was totally about the contestants. Because by that time, they were normally built their own fans already and by that time the fans were already knew who their votes were going to. I was like, really? Okay, maybe Adam was right at some point, but what he forgot to mention was America does need what Simon said to pick the right contestant to vote. Since there was no Simon, there wasn't any judge to butcher the undeserved contestant up there and open the viewers eyes on which one was actually good and has the 'it' factor. As you can see, instead of vote for Pia who was totally well deserved to stay up there, America was prefer the fake and dumb blond redneck Lauren and another fake and trying so hard Halley to win their voice, what a shame! And yeah, I do believe that it was happened because Simon wasn't there to open their eyes. I mean, of course even when Simon was there, early departure was still happened sometime. Remember Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson who got booed earlier a few seasons ago? But at least it happened once in each season and it happened later on than what happened last night and when it happened to Casey the other week. What happened to Casey was suck, hence living the judges with no other choice apart from forced to used their save hoping that America will get it right next time. But boy oh boy, no, they didn't.
Okay, Adam might be right that it was not about the judges but it was about the contestants. So totally true, but we have to admit that what Simon said defined the contestants on who they are and what they capable of. Simon did say some nasty words but it was only because he tried to open the fans and even the contestants eyes on how to pick their idol, which one is good, which one is bad, and which one is the ugly, and to be honest with you, he got them right so far. And yeah, I felt her when Jennifer Lopez said that she wasn't there to crushed anyone's spirit but as someone who has been in the industry for so long, she should've known that if you want to survive in that kind of world, you have got to have thick skins and stone hearts as you are going to experience something even worse than that in your future.
Back to the idol show, Pia's departure was indeed a shocking to everyone, but for two other girls left in the competition, am a hundred percent sure that it was an achievement. I can tell by how relax was Halley sat on the couch when Ryan Seacrest called out Pia's name as the contestant who was leaving the competition last night. Lauren, as a thick redneck, was literally in tears which looked so damn fake. I mean, she was like crying every week no matter what. Such a fakey dorkey!
So yeah, America got it wrong again. Some people even connected it with racist issue to see Stefano, Pia, and Jacob were in the bottom three while two of them (Pia and Jacob) were actually belong to the top five amongst other contestants. Even then, I can tell for real that Stefano was prepared himself to leave the show when he saw who he with in the bottom three. An unconscious reaction to Pia and Jacob's greatness from him, I guess. Oh, how this drama sometime more interested to watched rather than the competition itself. But racist or not racist, fair or not fair, appropriate or not appropriate, it happened! I know, reality can be suck sometime, and it does bite..big time! I sure do a little bit happy that Stefano is still in the show, hey..what can I say? He's such a cute boy, if only he's a little bit taller, ha! But yeah, I send tons of good luck to a lovely Pia as am sure that she will do just fine with her future career. Hey, look what happened to Jennifer Hudson now?

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Playing God

Before you guys read this blog, let me assure you one thing first, I am not a sexual person. I don't find sex as something fascinating. Of course, in the name of love, everyone need to practice sex as the highest level of love itself. For an instant, when you love someone, at the end of the day you will end up marry that person, and yeah, have sex with him or her. But, as I said above, in my life sex is probably taking place at number eighteen or even below. It just doesn't fascinate me as I fascinate everything else in life such as clothes, shoes, or even for a surprise to everyone, food. So yeah, enough with all of the unnecessary speeches, let's get into the point of what am going to talk about at first place.
Here's the thing, I believe most of you have read and or watched Da Vinci's Code already as it was actually one of the best books and movies had ever been created. In the book or movie, the author Dan Brown mention this secret society called Priory of Sion that practicing sex as the highest interpretation of their religious level. First I was a little bit confused. How sex can be determine as a symbol for something sacred? I mean, as an easterner Muslim, I was doctrine that sex is something forbidden and taboo to even talk about. We don't say it out loud. Then to treat it as something religious for sure confused me in any direction.
As you guys should already knew by now, I have a different perspective on every single thing in life which sometime was not according to normal Indonesian thoughts hence giving me some kind of trouble at some point. So yeah, after using my dysfunctional little brain and think about this issue, I then came into a conclusion that might put me into another trouble. Now here's the thing, if you guys read my older blog "Searching God" then you will find that I had this kind of curiosity about God existence as a creature of the universe. I mean, did He really exist and created all of these things we have in this planet? Well, am not a Scientology follower but I do demand an answer for my questions. So yeah, when people said all of those things they said about God, I really didn't buy it. I still need a prove to convince me that He really is exist. I don't deny Him either, oh no, don't get me wrong. I owe my parents a credit for putting such a great foundation on me and my siblings religiously hence our strong believes in Islam and whatever they said in Quran, but my common sense still demand an explanation. Who is God? Where is He? How does He look? Is He for real?
Ancient Muslim will not tolerate this behavior whatsoever. I still remember when once I asked my cleric about this during our class back then, he was shocked and told me to not brought up that question ever again. Of course, I was like, "Why?" He then said that when it comes to religious matter, you are not allow to ask. You just listen to it and you obey. Seriously guys, I never get over of that cleric's answer, ever. For me that was such a stupid answer. The thing is, I don't live in the time where people are still believe in something like that, I live in a television era where people can hear the voices and see the pictures. People do question everything at this point and for that matter Scientology exist at first place, to provide the answers to all of human curiosity in life itself. Because scientifically, everything has an answer. So yeah, it's not that I don't believe in God, but I do question His existence and that's the truth. And I, at this point, reached a conclusion on why did the secret society such as Priory of Sion treat sex as the highest level of religious matter. Because in a right way, when two human being having sex, they were actually playing God by creating another human being. By saying that, I do mean the proper sex that two people are in love did, not having sex in a dirty way, you know? When people doing it just for sake of doing it? No, am not talking about that one, that is so gross!
So yeah, maybe God doesn't really exist in the meaning of something real after all, or maybe He does exist but as in human extended. He doesn't create any human being but another human beings do. I mean, if He really exist and has all of the power people said He does, why did he needs us, sort of His creations, to form another us? Doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. Maybe am too shallow, but for me, it seems weird as it is. I mean, when I create let say a dress as I am a fashion designer, I draw a sketch, buy materials, take them to my garment factory, then voila! A dress is born. And it the same process all over again for another design. I don't use my creations to create another one. No, it was never like that and I have a total power and control of how to proceed my new creations. Then of course, as a shallow thinker, I doubt God's existence as a creature of every breathing image in this universe because of that. But in the other hand, now I can understand why sex was saying as the highest level of human implementation of his or her religion. Because when two people having sex, they were actually playing God by creating another human being. And that's why every religion banned birth control at this point as it makes people forget what is the true essence of having sex itself and it was to play God, to be an extend for God Himself and create another life. OMG, am so proud of myself that I finally found the answers I've been looking for!

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Black Swan

Have you guys seen the movie Black Swan yet? Here's the thing, for these last couple of days, I went out for lunch at a small cafe down in Seminyak and without my knowing, there's a guy who was always been there too. I didn't take notice until last night when I was there for dinner, he approached and said hello then introduced himself as Shane, an OZ guy who came to Bali for holiday. He seemed decent, so yeah, we talked during our dinner and for some reasons got connected. For me, this was something unusual as I normally suck with new people. After a while our conversation then started to became a little bit personal when he asked me about the movie Black Swan. I then found out that he was an OCD guy as much as I am one. Have to admit it that it's not everyday you can find someone who understand about this weirdness in you, so yeah, finding one was a bless for me. In many occasions, people think of me as a weirdo or like my friends were always said that I was such an over reacting girl. But he didn't think of it that way. In many things, we have the same kind of disease, if you want to say it that way. He, just like me, obsessed to something symmetrical. Everything must put in order. I was like, "Hail to the yeah, brother!"
Okay, I may need to explain something to you here as you were probably confused about the connection between our weirdness and the movie Black Swan by now. So here's the thing, for those who already watched the movie, you guys must be aware that Nina, the character played by Natalie Portman in the movie, was kind of psycho OCD manic depressive girl. For some people it might sounds crazy, but actually she wasn't crazy. Not like what you were thinking she was. For your information, many of OCD people are smart hence their obsession to a perfection. Only unlike normal people, they tend to have some kind of rules to define perfection. For example, in my case, I can't stand of something asymmetrical. So just like Nina in the movie, when one of my nail broke I have to cut my other nails just to make them symmetrical. If I was outside and have no manicure tools to do so, I still do it with whatever tools I've got. So, bleeding finger tips are something not unusual for me. Only, unlike Nina in the movie, I wasn't that extreme and haven't really hurt myself just yet.
So, back to my new buddy I told you at the beginning of this blog, he was totally understand what I was talking about. As for him, he has this specific obsession toward numbers. Everything has to be even as he couldn't stand odd numbers. For example, if he put the telly on, he has to make sure that the volume level was on even number such as 6, 8, 10 and was never 7 nor 9. Some people will say that it was mad and maybe it is but I know for sure that this thing is something that us can not control. It all in our head and nothing we can do about it. In one of the article in a magazine, I read that David Beckham has this kind of obsession too, he couldn't stand odd numbers so if in the fridge there were three cans of coke, he has to drink one or through out one to make it even. Weird? Not so much if you get what this sort of abnormality was about.
Now, my new buddy and I then specified our conversation strictly about this issue that connected us one to another. He then informed me that this thing was actually genetic. He said that his daughter has the same thing as he has and actually even worst. I was like, "Really?" I mean, I don't reckon my folks have this OCD thing, nor my gramms either so where the heck did I get it from? OMG, am not an adopted daughter, am I? Ah, never mind. The thing is, I was still amazed of how this sort of weirdness bonded two different people from two different continents who live in two different time line, like me and my new dude, together. So unbelievably amazing on how people sometime get connected because of some unexpected thing. How bizarre! Totally beyond!

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Marry Me...Not!

Alright, this is not what you were thinking it is. A couple of weeks ago, one of the blue collar comedians, Ron White, said in his Facebook status that, "The best thing in married life is that you are never come home to an empty house. The worst thing is you are never come home to an empty house." First my reaction was laughed, of course, as I treat that as a joke from a great comedian of the time. But, after a while I was like, "Wait a minute. That wasn't a joke. That was the truth, a bitterly truth about marriage life."Okay, please don't jump into any conclusion just yet as I was never ever against marriage life. The thing is just that I was never see marriage as something necessary. I, as an ultimate selfish person, found that marriage means extra baggage which for me is something hard to be tolerated. Oh well, unless if I can find a super duper patient guy who will be delightful to put my demands above everything else, then yeah maybe we can talk here. But that was so gay material and for sure I wasn't planned to marry one. Ha!Okay, seriously now, when I read Mr. White's status, I was like, "Hallelujah brother!" I mean, let face it. As an ignorant and larger than life selfish girl, it was hard for me to share. I don't share anything in life and it was always about me, myself, and I no matter what. My ex knew this for real. So yeah, with all of the responsibilities and stuffs, marriage life was kind of scared me. No, am not afraid of commitment as I was always had long term relationships in the past. The only thing is that am a very simple girl which avoid complication whatsoever. So yeah, am a kind of girl who just pack her bag and walk away when a relationship ended. Simple indeed. And I don't really buy any commitment on a piece of paper. But as an easterner, I was completely aware that the thing like this was crucial in our traditional life. Speaking of witch, I can see the image of my oldies right in front of me now nagging about my future marriage plan. Dreadful!Brought this thing up, I can not ignore the conversation I had once with my ex-colleagues when she talked to me about how stressful and desperate she was on waiting for someone competent in any ways to ask for her hand and marry her. In an effort to comforted her, I told her my opinion about this sort of thing. Did I succeed? Nah. Was a total screwed up, to be honest with you. Turned out that she was a conventional girl who believes that marriage life is supposed to be written in our destiny. Funny thing was when she tried to remind me to take my words back as God probably heard what I said and will treat them as a pray then make it true. Ha!Come on, don't be that serious here. I mean, I was just trying to say what I thought about marriage life was. Nothing serious and definitely has nothing to do with God. Not that am afraid if God will probably do what my friend said that He's going to do, but I really didn't think about it in that kind of way whatsoever. My point is, as a super selfish type of person, I love to come home to an empty house where nobody bother my business and I can do whatever I want to do without asking anyone's opinion. I love being alone therefore I don't treat marriage as a destination but just a choice. And as a free human being, everyone free to choose whatever they want in life, being marriage or not. As for Ron White's quote about marriage life, he was totally right actually. Coming home to an empty house can be treated as a benefit as much as a loss. And vice verse, being marriage which means that you are never come home to an empty house can be treated as something good or bad at a same time. It all depends on what do you want in life and what your perspectives are. What's good for you can be good or bad for everyone else. But it doesn't mean that you were right and everyone else was wrong. For me, there's nothing right or wrong about the choice you've made in life. Everything has gazillion different perspectives, so just relax and do what you think is right for you. After all, no one knows what's best for you apart from yourself. And just because you were marriage doesn't mean that you have no right to demand your own space anymore. Once in a while, you do need an empty house to come home to, don't you think so?

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Simon Says...

If you were an American Idol's fan just like me, you would probably noticed that whoever in charge in that program was using Simon's departure as one of the critical point for their campaign ad. In one of their ad, they were like, "Do we still need Simon says..?"
Now, here is the thing, after ten years judging the program and made it the most watching television program in history, Simon Cowel, a sharp tongue British talent scout, decided to left the show. Formally he said that he wanted to concentrate on his other program the X-Factor which was a show that he produced in England and also became an overnight sensation. But who's he kidding with? Oh well, not me for sure. I mean, it must've been something wrong that lead him toward that decision and it started when three seasons ago they (the producers) put Kara DioGuardi in as the fourth judges for no reason. I mean, why in the name of the devil did they do that? Don't they know that there's no way you can put two girls on a same table together? It called chaos! Need a prove? How about Paula's departure on the season after? Voila!
So yeah, ever since her leaving, the show was never the same again. Come on, just admit it! No matter how dysfunctional Paula was, but that actually what made the show the way it was. And between 'sarcastic' Simon and 'out of her mind' Paula, the show was perfect as it was when two of them together. Such a love-hate relationship that makes us want to watch the show over and over again. And come on, I know it sometime sounds nasty, but what Simon said on the show were closed to what we at home were said normally, isn't it? Well, at least for me. And yeah, what Simon said was rude, but almost true. Don't you think that what Simon said was actually what the contestants' mommas should say to their kids before they were heading to the audition? Before they embarrassed themselves in front of million of viewers' eyes? Come on..
So, after realized the biggest mistake that they made by not keeping Paula and Simon in the family, the producers are now trying so hard to bring back the chemistry into the judges panels. But, did by bringing two big names in the industry do that? First let's talk about Steven Tyler, the Aerosmith's front man, that they brought to replaced Simon. Okay, he was a rock star, a larger than life's name to put on the table, but does he really replace Simon the way it should be? Um..am not so sure about that. For real, they will get more fans as Steven himself has got millions of followers behind him, but for the show? Hm..still a question mark for me. I mean, I still need those sharp comment from Simon no matter what. Don't you?
Now, let's move on to Jennifer Lopez, another larger than life's name that they brought on to the table to replaced Paula. For sure, she was way much more interesting to watch on TV with her 'oh so gorgeous' outfit every single week, even on the audition weeks. Am not a big fan, but yeah, I love her style and it glued me to my telly every Thursday and Friday afternoon just to find out what outfit does Ms. Lopez wear today. So refreshing. Does that make the show? Maybe. But we have to admit it that the show was never the same ever again. For better or for worst, it doesn't really matter. The point is, I don't know about you guys, but I do still need 'what Simon says'.

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Pursuing A Perfection

In the result show of American Idol a couple of weeks ago, the Black Eyed Peas performed their new single, but no, am going to talk about that in this blog. Thing that caught my attention was Fergie, the only femme fatal of the group, who looked slightly different that night. I was trying so hard to figured out what was the difference? Not her clothes which was a phenomenal replica of the famous Marilyn Monroe white dress, not her hairstyle which was gorgeous as per usual, not her sky high stilettos, not even her super tone body. Nah. But it was her nose that actually gave me a shock. I mean, seriously girl? A nose job?Alright, for those who don't know yet, please do read my older blog 'I Love You Just The Way You Are' to find out that am not and was never against plastic surgery. For a right reason, I even think of doing it myself, ha! But, the thing that bother me a lot is when someone change his or her appearance for no reason. Confuse?Okay, let me clear everything up for you. When I was in my Uni, there was a girl, my classmate who, because of the accident that she had in the past, has a scar on her face. Not that it was my concern or anything, but I was always wondering why she didn't get it fix. I mean, for me, it was so annoying, specially because she's a girl and every time I speak with her, I couldn't help myself to not starring at her scar. Seriously, I felt so bad but I just couldn't help it. So in this case, I support plastic surgery for sure. Well, unless if you were a man then the story is different. There was an Italian guy who was a manager of a quite famous restaurant in my town who actually has just a fine look, you know..an Italian? But, he then became such a dream man for every girl and you guys want to know why? Because of that scar that he has on his face that makes him looks scary in a sexy way! In a different case, another friend of mine, an old friend which I had not seen for almost ten years came to visit a couple of years ago. I seriously shocked when I met her back then. She was a different girl! Her nose was different, her eyes were different, her cheekbones as well, her chin, everything was different! So instead of feeling happy seeing her all over again, I couldn't help myself starring at her face. I mean, I felt like talking to a stranger even though we talked about our old times but I didn't feel like I was talking to a friend. She looked completely different! And am sure that my attitude was bother her too. So in this case, I against it..totally!You guys were probably confused even more now as I said above that I even think of having the surgery myself, aren't you? Okay, here is the think, every girl has their own obsession and definition of beauty and or sexy as much as they want to be labeled as one. A dear friend of mine has this kind of obsession for big boobs hence her determination of having a boobs job. Another friend of mine already got one. But, as for me, I was never think of girls with big boobs are sexy but girls with big butts are. So yeah, I say Pamela Anderson is trashy and J-Lo is sexy. Then unlike my two friends above, not that I want it yet, but if I decided to have a surgery someday, it is almost possible a butt implant. My only problem with those were the reason of having one. My dear friend who was obsessed with boobs above, still hasn't got one because of her husband told her not to. When she talked to me about this, I was like , 'Do it, if it's going to make you happy, then do it!' Why did I encourage her like that? Because I think she has a right reason to do so. I mean, if she's not happy with her body then why don't fix it? In the name of pursuing a perfection, why the heck not? As long as she doesn't change her look then am okay with that. She's still going to look like her normally only with bigger boobs and for me that's cool. So yeah, are you guys ready for bigger butt me? Ha!

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Stand Up And Be A Man!

A dear friend once showed me a video of a stand-up comedy from YouTube (I forgot the name of the comedian) which I found quite funny. He was telling a story about a Chinese shop owner who tried to sell something to an American tourist. As per usual, the tourist haggle the price, of course. But, the Chinese guy stick with his price which was only 5¢ higher. The tourist then walked out hence the Chinese guy's anger. He then was like, "Hey, come back here. Where do you think you're going? Come back here and be a man!" But the Americano kept walked out and was like, "It was only 5¢ lower! You won't lose anything by giving me that!" The Chinese man paused for a while and was like, "Yeah, it was only 5¢. But after this then you're going to another shop and get another 5¢! Then you go to the $1 shop and you can buy anything you want in there! You! Come back here and be a man! Be a man!"

Alright, maybe it doesn't sound that funny to you, but if you see the video and the way the guy delivered the story then you would probably laugh your head off just like me. I mean, seriously..it was hilarious! The way he personified the Chinese man was so correctly perfect. I was having my teary laugh because of it and found myself watched it over and over again. Then for that particular reason, the quote is stuck in my head like no others : Be a man!
But, am not going to talk about that here. You guys can easily find it yourself in YouTube and can probably find how funny it was compare to when I told you the story. The thing that I want to share with you guys here is totally different. And yes, of course, it is about one thing that am expert on : MEN.
Now here's the thing, as you guys were probably knew already that I was recently got connected with my sort of ex boyfriend all of sudden. Then because of some arguments that happened between us, he then upset and I found myself became some kind of enemy for him again. But, a couple of days ago he text me again and tried to pursued me to do what he asked me before which I refused to do that caused our argument the other day. Of course, just like the other day, I still refused. Then it happened again. Pfffft! Seriously, am tired of this thing. I mean, doesn't he get tired too? Asking me to do something that he knew exactly that I would refused to? Then to be upset all over again? Well, as for me, it really drained my energy trying to deal with the same old story over and over again. I mean, he had probably asked me to do that thing like three thousands and eight hundred times already, started since we were still like kind of together. And even then, I said no to him. So, I don't get it. Maybe there's a part of my NO that he didn't quite understand?
So yeah, when he then played that bad mood game on me again, just like that Chinese shop man, I (over a joke of course) text him back and was like, "Why were you always like that? Come on, stand up and be a man! Don't be such a baby..stand up and be a man! Yeah..BE A MAN!" Ha!

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Little Sister

Woke up this morning to a super long text message from my dear older sister where she went off about some messed up thing that I did was kind of felt like a punch on the face for me. Avoiding conflict, specially at first time in the morning when am not even fully open my eyes yet, I just deleted the message. Got your point, sister..but let me digested everything first then response to your message..confirmed delete! Ha!
While having my cup of tea and croissant for breakfast this morning, I turned on the telly just like my normal day, and it was Kimora : Life In The Fab Line came up on the screen..perfect! Love her so much. The episode was when she has to go to New York Fashion Week just after she stepped out of Baby Phat, the fashion label that she and ex-husband Russel Simmons had started when she was eighteen years old. Of course, she was kind of upset, I would've feel the same if it happened to me. So yeah, as for the first time she wasn't going to attend the fashion week as a designer and has her own fashion show but she was going there as an attendee and sits on the row, her super sweet two daughters, Ming and Aoki, decided to make a little surprise for her to comes back home afterward. They then decided to make her a fashion show, a fairy tale's fashion show to be exact. Oh, how cute!
With a little help from Shani, Kimora's best friend who flew from NY to LA to accompanied the girls while she was away for the fashion week, the girls went shopping to get the stuffs they needed to do the surprise. While in the store, Aoki made some mess by dropping some stuffs and Ming was like, "Look! Look at all of the mess you've made!" Aoki was kind of felt bad and didn't know what to say. That was when Shani jumped in tried to brake the tens and says, "But that what little sister is for," Having a back-up from someone, Aoki was like, "Yeah, that what little sister is for. To make a mess and ruin your life!" I was like, hail to the yeah!
For the reason that is so obvious, I was kind of clicked to the sentence that little girl just said. I mean, referred to what happened between me and my sister, which of course much more serious than just dropping some stuffs in the shop, I was kind of felt like am not the only one. It must be happens to millions other little sisters in the whole world. We were meant to make a mess and ruin our older sister's life. It written in our destiny. There's nothing that we can do about that. So, why should we fight it? I mean, don't we just supposed to play our part in this scenario of life?
When thinking about that, it was actually kind of hit me right away. I mean, as a little sister of someone, of course, I will always make a mess. Not that am deliberately doing it, but it was my part of the drama, hey! And for my 'oh so perfect' older sister, am not going to be upset over her hard text message this morning, as am completely aware that she was just playing her part too. Too bad I don't have a TiVo to record the program so I can show her sometime. Ha!

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Men Are From Mars And Women Are From Venus

My dear nephew PING!!! me over my Blackberry Messenger one night and told me that he just got dumped by his girlfriend. Since I was kind of their (his and his girlfriend's) favorite cool auntie, of course, he asked me to spoke with her to interfered the issue. I was like, WTF? Am not that kind of person who loves to get involved with other people's problem. But since he's my nephew, and he said please like almost eighteen thousand times, not to mention his nagging thing, how could I say no?
So yeah, I tried to talk to the girl, not too personally, just nipped it a bit in our casual conversation. The girl said that she just want to be friends for now but did mention about she was kind of disappointed with my dear nephew. As someone with experiences, I of course understand completely what she was trying to say. Totally. I mean, unlike boys, when a girl says something, the thing that you have got to understand is not what she really says, but it's what she doesn't say. Here's the thing, girls talk with hidden meaning. And in this case, what she really trying to say was that she loves him but there's something need to be fixed on the way he treats her. Such a teenager! Got to love them, ha!
Then yeah, I got back to my nephew and told him to just be patient as she wasn't going anywhere and I also assured him that they will be together again soon. All he needs to do is giving her a space for herself. At first, of course my 'oh so full of passions' nephew was kind of didn't take it gracefully. As a young lad, his ego was like, "She's mine and I have to get her back right now..or else!" To be honest I was kind of admired his determination, but yet I told him to hold himself back. Why? Here's the thing, when you like a girl so much hence your aggressiveness towards her, then she would think of you as a psycho. Or, if you show a girl that you love her so much and can't live without her, then you're her toy. Her Ken doll to play with. Now, you were probably questioned why did I say that.
Here is the thing, my villa's manager, a 26 years old Slovenian guy who recently became a buddy to me, always came to me whenever he needs advice for his relationship with a girl, sort of his girlfriend. He told me that the girl was really confusing. One day she was kind of so nice and approachable then suddenly she was like, "Oh, am not so sure about this thing between us anymore. I don't think that you really love me. Maybe we shouldn't do this," I was like, so typical! Then of course, my advice was the same. I mean, I told him to ignore the girl once in a while. Don't answer her call for change. Stop calling her and play hard to get is a must. Yeah, when it comes to dramas, am the master of the game. Seriously, you might not believe it, but am the ultimate drama queen according to my last (sort of) boyfriend. So trust my advice, it works! Don't believe me?
There's one thing that you guys should know about girls. We all are drama queens at some point. Girls love to trick guys in order to find out about what their intentions really are, while guys tend to speak their thoughts. I mean, guys will say it out loud whether they like the girls or not, while we (read : girls) tend to find out about that in our own way. And yeah, by saying that I do mean by acting it. Hey, I guess that's why they said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, don't you think?
So yeah, when my new buddy and I met over a coffee sometime last week, it didn't surprise me when he said that he did what I told him the other week and even kicked the girl out of his house over their argument, then the next day suddenly the girl text him for reconciliation but of course he let her waited for a while. Something that never happened before as he was always became the first party to came forward to apologize normally. High five, brother! As for my nephew, I just got PING!!! From him a couple of days ago when he told me that the girl and him are an item again. I was like, "Told ya!" Ha!

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Picking Up The Pieces

As you guys probably knew already, I had some kind of love life tragedy recently hence my personal life disastrous. I was kind of losing grip for a while there and, to topped that, my folks back home ultimate me to come back to them. I was like WTH? That wasn't help at all, guys! I mean, for all the times that I could remember, Bali is my life and my life is Bali. I could never portrait myself living in anywhere else but this island. Na-ah. There was a time I drowned in tears at night whenever I try to face these options. I really don't want to be labelled as an ungrateful daughter to my parents, but in the other hand, I have so many plans for my future and non of them include going back home. So yeah, yesterday what I was afraid of these whole time finally happened. I was kind of having an argument with my mum, and as much as I tried to avoid it, at the end I was like sort of raised my tone to her and I felt terrible. I mean, these whole time, compare to my brother and sister, I was the last person who ever had any arguments with our parents. If I did something that doesn't fit their satisfaction and they said something about it, instead of talk back I'd prefer keeping it inside me and didn't say anything. No matter how hard they can be sometimes but I choose not to response. Besides, am not an argumentative type of person after all. Hey, that's why I write, remember? Ha! Okay, now back to the title. After having this kind of turmoil life last year, I now decided to stand up and fix everything for my own good. I still losing grip here and there for sure, but I don't have time to crumble down anymore. Or, it's more like I refused to make time for myself to even think about it. I live for the future so why should I waste my time to even think about the past? A dear friend once said, what's in the past can stay in the past. True, I've learnt some big lessons from my unpleasant experience but time moves on and not moves back. As for my parents, I owe them apologise for everything I've done in the past and everything that I will do in the future that hurt and going to hurt their feelings. I mean, it's not that I don't want to listen to their words, but we three are having this slightly different way on how to deal with life. For me, life is something fun and I don't take it too serious. Maybe that gives them some kind of itch a little bit and I don't blame them for that. We are totally live in different eras and I can totally understand that it was our culture that taught us that until a daughter got married, she's still in her parents responsibility. But now it's like 2011 already! That kind of thinking is not even acceptable anymore. And what is having a dog with me has got to do with everything? Oh, I forgot to mention that it wasn't just having me back home that my parents asked me to do but also to get rid of my puppy as it was strictly prohibit in my religion to have dogs as pets. OMG, can you believe that? At nowadays? My fault maybe, for always turning to them whenever I need help, financially to be exact, therefore they were like having this kind of feeling that they still have some controls for my life in their minds. But who else should I turn to financially if not them? Ha!

So yeah, having these whole things writing down on my blog is actually my way to offer everyone in the past my apologises. Even if sometimes I was like, "I didn't do anything wrong" but for sure, I do realise that I might did something that hurt others, especially my folks, unintentionally I hope. Then there's nothing to be ashamed of, no excuse to not admit that and ask for their forgiveness. I now really try my best picking up the pieces that left behind by my personal and love life disastrous, so the last thing that I need at the moment is having this sort of feud with my beloved parents as well. Not something that I can deal with at this point. So yeah, am so sorry mum and dad, for the high pitch tone I used the other day, you know it's not me normally. Am not proud of that at all and hopefully you guys can totally understand my frustration that day from our differentiation. But yeah, mum..no offence, and I do love you with all my heart..but am totally keeping my puppy and nothing can stop me from having him. And oh yeah..am not coming back home either. Am so very sorry. Oh dear God, please bless me?

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No Strings Attached

If a guy, let say sort of your ex, asked you to do something which according to your moral standard was sexually inappropriate, would you do it? For old time sake, would you do things against your common sense just to keep the friendship going? Now here's the thing, since you were probably confused by now, let me tell you why did I ask those questions. A few years back I met a guy who was kind of caught my attention and we went out few times. My mistake completely as back then I was actually with someone and failed to mention it to him (read my blog : My Holiday In Goa). But, after a while and passed some feuds and arguments, now we decided to be friends. For me, really not a big deal at all as I was totally had fun with him back then so yea, what's in past stayed in the past. And over my naivety I thought he has the same thoughts as mine. Did he?
Nope. So here's the thing, a couple of weeks ago, after losing tract for a year or so, out of sudden he contacted me again. This was a surprise as we were kind of keeping a distant between us because of his previous girlfriend didn't really approve our friendship and for some reasons I was always got blamed for their personal matters. So of course, when he text me again, I was gladly response. I was so happy that he then decided to forget all of the stupid things that happened in the past and offer me our friendship back. Feel like winning a lottery I took the offer and we suddenly became best buddies all over again. I found myself talk to him almost everyday now and yea..hate to admit it, but I do miss our old time mischievous conversations so bad. But when the conversations get too intense and he asked me to do something which according to my standard was inappropriate, of course, I politely refused. Then as you guys guessed, yeah..we had those kind of arguments all over again. I mean, am a kind of girl who found that it was difficult to just say 'NO' to others. Instead, I lied and created some excuses to (according to my thoughts) make him believes. My bad. As he knew my tricks already so of course he knew exactly when I was lie and when I was not. So no matters how I tried to convinced him, he was way too smart now..ha! So yeah, the history repeated itself and he called me a liar just like old time all over again. Déjà vu!
But, my question is, should I feel guilty here? I mean, to be honest with you guys, I probably still have this tiny spot in my heart for him as he was actually the last person whom I can say that am in love with, so of course the tense is still pretty much there. I still see the firecrackers whenever I dream of him and just by thinking about him already give me rush. But the thing is, my common sense told me that the thing between us back then was more like a passion than a love. There were no strings attached whatsoever. But I did love him back then, still do maybe..and I know, it was totally my fault for everything that happened, but hey..they said average person lied 3-9 times a day, so yeah..am kind of normal then, right? Ha!
Now, back to my question, if a guy, short of your ex, asked you to do something which according to your standard was sexually inappropriate and you refused to do so hence an argument, should you take the blame for it? Because honestly, am not afraid to be blamed. I mean, if I did something wrong, I will more than happy to take the blame and apologize. So, should I apologize to him for failed to accommodated his wish? Probably I should apologize to him but not for that reason. Probably I should ask him to forgive me for giving him a wrong impression about me and leading him towards a wrong direction that made him did whatever he's done. Yeah, that's more like it.

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God Bless The Puppies

It's now been more than a year since I lost my dogs Macallan and Coco over a cruelty of some irresponsible people (read my blog : Inglorious Basterds). Talking about it still break my heart even though am pretty sure that they all are in pet heaven now playing with each other, but still, it hurts to just go back to that situation once again. For more than a year now I stayed low on dogs department as I wasn't ready to replaced Macallan (my late min-pin) just yet. Until one Monday morning, the secretary in my office came to work with this 'oh so cute' little white puppy. Two words : EN-VY!! Yeah, I was jealous like no others when I saw her with that little thing. That day, without even thinking, I asked her to take me to the owner of the puppy as she said that there were still another three puppies ready for adoption because the owner didn't really care about them.So yeah, to cut the story short, now I got a puppy! And I named him Brutus over the rival of Julius Cesar. Also because he has this black thingy around his face that kind of look like beards, so yeah..the name was also came from that baddie character in Popeye the Sailorman. Don't know why, but when it comes to name my pets, I tend to pick a baddie name, I just love it. Sounds strong and full of characters, don't you think so? So now I've got a puppy, exactly what I've been wished for. As everyone probably knew already, I have this special thing inside me when it comes to animals. Dogs, cats, horses, and even squirrels. Not so much for cold blood animals though..you know, like anything lives in the water? Or snake, crocodile, alligator, and their entire family. Then yesterday afternoon when I went shopping for Nyepi day, as usual, I tagged Brutus along with me. Yeah, FYI, I was always have him with me wherever I go as I was too scare to leave him home alone. Hey, what if over his naivety as a puppy, he accidentally get into the pool and drown? Can't take that risk so I'd prefer and feel better if I have him in my eyes all the time. And there at the supermarket, every single person adored him. I mean, who wouldn't? Unless if you're a cold bloody person who won't be touched by those sweet big brown eyes, then yeah.. Oh, did I tell you about my three weeks old baby already became a model? Yeah, two days ago when the studio in my magazine's office rented by some people who's doing a photo shoot for some fashion brand, the French designer saw and fell for Brutus then asked if he could use him for the commercial shoot. I was like, sure-sure..no problem! I mean, what's wrong with that? Besides, Brutus is a great puppy and adorable so everyone would fell for him alright. One of those people was a girl I met at the supermarket, probably my age, whose husband works for Bali Animal Welfare Association (BAWA). And when she found out that I just picked up Brutus from unwanted owner, she was like offering me if I wanted more dogs as BAWA actually has hundreds of street dogs ready for adoption. Since I don't want another pet as I don't do share so I'd prefer to have one dog for me and the dog will have one me for himself as well. Hey, what can I say..am a one man's girl..ha! But, I do interested in doing some volunteering job for them, as I said above, I do have this special thingy for animals so anything that includes them was always touched me. So yeah, we'll see..am planning to go down to Ubud where the association headquarters is on Monday and see what can I do to help them. Oh, just by thinking about it already gave me an excitement! Two words : OB-SESSED! Ha!

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Welcoming my new baby Brutus..many people said that he won a lottery 'coz I picked him up but actually it was me who won that lottery by finding him.. ♥

Cougar Town

Ha ha this is very funny and am very sure that you guys will think exactly the same with me. Here is the thing, yesterday afternoon when I came home from work, it was like late afternoon almost evening. I stopped my car just to open the gate when two teenage boys, I assumed they were like thirteen years old or so, passed me by and literally starred at me.
First I was like, was it my jumpsuit looked funny to them or what? Was it the way I pushed my gate open? Was it the top part of my clothes that doesn't fit properly? Damn, I should've wear bra today! Seriously, I was like checking every inches of my body to make sure that I didn't give them any chances to make fool of me, and to be honest with you I didn't see any. I was alright actually. Then why did they stare at me? I was so confused until I saw one of them, the one with shorter hair who actually looked a little bit older than the other, gave me those mischievous looks in his eyes. He then smile at me with an 'oh so seductive' kind of way and believe it or not, maybe because of his young age, I think it was kind of funny. I was like, OMG..am I just been picked up by a teenage boy? So cute and flattering actually, considering my age. Then of course, I smile back at him in an 'oh so seductive' kind of way too. Hey, he started it not me! Oh Gosh..please don't let anyone saw what just happened, otherwise I will receive a subpoena for molesting an underage boy. Ha!
But, wait a minute here! True, it sounds kind of gross when we talk about thing like this and the boy was like only thirteen, but let face it when we see it from the age differences between me and him and Demi More and Asthon Kutcher, it was kind of the same. So, if we're okay with Demi and Ashton then there's nothing gross about what happened between me and my neighbor kid whatsoever, right? Besides, am not going to do the boy or anything like that, I was just gave him a smile! Yeah, maybe it was kind of make him blushing, but what about me? Am a victim here too as much as he was. I mean, he started it first, so who's to blame if I then fall into his super cute seductive smile? Euw, what am I thinking? OMG, I was such a cougar! Somebody shoot me!

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My Naked Chef

No guys, this blog is not going to talk about Jamie Olivier, the ultimate naked chef from a TV program called the same, nope. But the inspiration was from him, that's the fact. Now, do you guys have any idea why he called the naked chef? O-ho-ho..don't jump into any dirty conclusion just yet. This was nothing to do with anything physical. He got his nick name 'the naked chef' actually from the way he cooks. In every recipe that he creates, he used all of basic ingredients, so basic it was almost naked. He never make his food complicated, always simple yet nice. And that is why he called 'the naked chef'.
Oh am sorry guys, did I disappoint you by saying that? But yeah, there's nothing dirty that am going to write here, sorry. But something happened a few weeks ago and to make it short, let say that I met a guy and we were kind of dating. One night he cooked for me at my house for dinner and when I saw he cooked, it reminded me to Jamie Olivier a little bit. The way he cooked with all of those basic ingredients, so very simple yet nice. The taste was delicious and believe me because am a very picky girl when it comes to guys and food. So yeah, starting from that night, he was my naked chef, ha!
Then, what so special about it? Honestly? Nothing at all. Thing is, on my last blogging I was talking about a friend who'd been killed over a robbery in her own house and it was kind of devastating. I've got so many complains from people who feel uncomfortable with that. I mean, whenever they check on my blog, the first thing that they see was the tragedy and it bothers people a lot, I guess. Including the guy I talked above, my naked chef. And of course, I don't want to cause any uncomfortable thing in anyone's mind and that's why I decided to write about something light and casual. Something that doesn't take a genius to understand, something naked..ha! OMG, does that make me a naked writer? I think so..
Now back to my naked chef, as you guys probably aware already that am kind of single recently and I was never ever see myself in dating world at anytime soon. My last break up was too painful and full of drama so that I need more times to recovery. But a few weeks ago I met someone and don't ask me what happened, because all that I knew was everything went naturally from that point. I don't know what to call this thing between us just yet, but for the moment, he is the closest definition to a boyfriend for me. So, when the first time he said that he will cook for me at my house, I was like..great, a guy that cook? Perfect? Here is the thing, my previous relationship was kind of forced me to cook, so yeah..I do cook, but I don't enjoy it. I'd prefer baking than cooking. Then when I met this guy n he does cook, what else should I asked for? OMG, am such an easy girl! Ha!
The thing is am originally came from a place that very famous for its culinary, yeah..am from Padang and for that practically reason people expected me to be a good cook. But am so sorry guys, am not. For me, most of Padang foods and or Indonesian foods are complicated. They use so many ingredients just make a thing called 'bumbu' and for me it was just too much. I need some simple and basic ingredients so it won't confused me whenever I cook. Like couple of years ago, I watched Jamie Oliver Christmas program when he showed everyone how to cook Turkey in simple and basic way and it stayed in my head like forever. Even on last Christmas I still can make it and it was perfect! So yeah, when the guy I mention above finally came to my house and cooked for me, oh la la..love it! The food was exactly what I expected..simple, basic, and delicious. I can easily make them at anytime I want..that's how simple it was. Then of course, from that night on he is my 'Naked Chef' without any dirty thought! Ha!
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Where Are The Good People Go?

Yesterday morning, I was shocked when I turned my phone on and saw my friends’ status over their Berry’s Messengers said that one of our friends die tragically. I was like, WTF happened? But, as usual, I was a bit scared to asked, afraid of what the answer would be. Then last night I watched local TV to find out what happened after failed looked for it in the internet and it made me even more shocked. My thought when I heard about her death was she’s probably sick or something. Here is the thing, I actually bumped in to her a week or so ago at the ATM machine of one of local banks near my place. We talked briefly and even said that we will go out together sometime. And at that time she looked a bit tired and wasted, that’s why I thought that she was sick or something. But she didn’t, she murdered! OMG…what a shocking!

No, am not going to spill you the detail here, it won’t be appropriate. Besides, you can read newspapers for that. But the fact that she was killed in her own house over a ‘possibly’ robbery is devastating. I mean, what kind of people did such thing to a woman? Seriously, even though (if) this was a robbery, I doubted that she was even fought the guys. The fact that she was a tiny girl, I can not even imagine that she would do any damage to whoever had bad intentions to her. Then why did they kill her? For God sake, where is your compassion? To kill someone over a laptop and a Blackberry phone was undeniably cruel.

I aware that for financial reason, people can sometime do an unexplainable thing, but still, doesn’t mean that you can just walk around and kill someone, especially a woman who undoubtedly vulnerable. Life doesn’t go that way, we do have rules and laws to control our behaviors. This was actually a wake-up call to everyone. Does that mean that it’s not safe anymore for a woman to be home alone? A friend said that we should get guard dogs, but does that mean that we really-really are safe afterward? I mean, what happened the other night was a bit suspicious for me. First, the newspapers said there was no forced entrance and it was only her room that turned upside down and also she was found underneath her bed by her maid who was managed to clean other rooms before came in to my friend’s room and found her, suspicious indeed. But my point was actually what happened in our world? How do people even have a heart to do such thing? Where are the good people go? What happened to love? To compassion? Man, life is a mystery and I need to find the answer…

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To a dear friend Lusiana Burgess, RIP...

Rumble Crumble

One of my dear friends once said that when her sons grow up, she'd prefer if they come forward to her and say that they were a drug addict rather than a gay. At that time I was like, okay..I can totally understand why she said that. Been raising in an eastern culture where sex orientation is still pretty much sacred and becoming an openly gay is still pretty much a sin, I can say that I myself, would probably say the same too if I were a mother. I thought I will be more prepare if someone in my family admit that he or she was a drug addict instead of gay. Until something happened and it opened my eyes that no one will actually be prepare for such things.

Here is the thing, one of my family members who was very closed to me when we were kids, just admitted that he was addicted to drugs and needed help. First my reaction was, WTH? I mean, I barely seen him apart from when I came back to my hometown in Sumatra which was not very often since we both live in different cities separated by two big oceans. But when this thing happened, my family called me and asked me to talked to him as we were that closed, and yeah, I think he was kind of listen to what I said since he was actually like four years younger than me, then of course, I talked to him. After our first conversation over a phone call, I then realized that what my friend said above was probably true but when thing like that really happened, no one will prepare in any circumstance.

Let me tell you why did I say that. True that if someone in any family says that he or she was gay, this fact would probably sounded more embarrassing than if that person says that he or she was a drug addict, BUT, the damage was pretty much the same. And believe me because I am talking through my very own experience, this thing can easily torn the family apart as everyone will try to find someone to be blame. None of them would probably have a thought that when thing like this happened, that means it was too late to find who's guilty of what. Way too late.

When thing like this happened, that means it's time to make a move, eventually. Because one thing I've learn from this situation and that was how blind we were when thing like this happened to our family. I mean, after a while and think of the flashback, I now realized that I was supposed to knew about this long time before as the signs were pretty much there right in front of my face. But, as someone who love her family, I was kind of blocked my own view and shadowed it over that wall called 'trust'. Of course, sometime I feel weird whenever I met him in my gramm's house and he acted not as himself, but I was always found a positive answer for his weirdness, even though sometime I barely recognize him anymore, but as a family, I will never ever have any negative thought. Come on..that's what family do, right? Besides, since we were very closed when we were kids, my last image of him was still like when I was in Junior High and he was in Elementary School and we played football together in my garage. I would never have a thought of that young kid who played football with me back then would ever take any drugs whatsoever. Despite on how grown up he is now, my image of him is stay like that. He was, is, will always be that small kid to me.

So don't blame me if I didn't see the signs or maybe I was a little bit in denial before, but considering our circumstances, I think it was kind of acceptable. My point is, when things happened to your family, no one would prepare of anything. No matter what. We love our family too much and it drives us toward our super high expectation that never allow us to tolerate anything. Our selfishness won't let us. Because of we love them, we were never have a doubt about them. Like what happened to me. I actually heard a rumor about my family member I talked above on how he was possibly a drug user and I confronted him one time and he denied it. As a family what did I do? I believed. Yeah, despite on how my common sense told my heart to not believe, but my feeling won the battle then as you can see now, I let love fooled me. How stupid. Now after everything was too late, I have no one else to be blame but me. I was a fool. If only I listened to my common sense that time, I would probably became a hero in my entire family for being a savior by saving them from the embarrassment. And the even better thing to happened was to be able saving someone in your bloodline from an addiction..that was an achievement! If only..

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A Decent Man

A guy who I’ve known recently once said that ‘decent man has to be afraid of his wife’. First I wasn’t that interested with his words, but after a while I started to think about it a little bit. I mean, really? Seriously? Here is the thing, men in general has a different ego than women. Man doesn’t normally admit that he is indeed afraid to his wife. And for a man to not just admit it but also realize that it was actually a decency, that was something, don’t you think so?

As for me, I was never met any man who admitted that he was in fact afraid of his wife before. Mostly, they even deny it. I mean, come on, unwrittenly that was a crime for a man to do so. Especially for someone who brought up in a eastern culture where men normally still considered as a leader. Like my mum always says, I was supposed to listen to anyone who becomes my husband in the future. Our job as a woman was to support the hubby, we were supposed to walk a step behind them (this is not literally, but for sure you knew what I mean, right?). Then here come this man, out of nowhere, said it out loud and proud, announced that he was indeed afraid of his wife.

Then, I was like, hum...wait a minute. Do I really want my man to be afraid of me? I don’t think so. I mean, as an Aquarian, am a kind of girl who is stubborn as hell. And I can be bossy when someone treats me too soft. So for me, man who afraid of his wife doesn’t really work. I need someone who can control me and stop me from being a snob. So yeah, I admire his decency but it was just not for me.

Then how does this decency work actually? Do men really have to be afraid of their wives just to be decent? I actually don’t agree with the word ‘afraid’. The phrase wasn’t too keen for me. I think (as this blog actually called “According To Dewi”) decent men are they who consider their wives opinion every time they make decision. Not because of they afraid of them, but more like because they do need second opinions from someone whom they trusted the most. Decent men know when to involved their wives in their life and know when not to. Decent men respect their wives, not afraid of them. Decent men treat their wives as equal partners but they don’t afraid of them. Decent men know how to be decent and it’s definitely not by acting scare of their wives. Totally!

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