Men Are From Mars And Women Are From Venus

My dear nephew PING!!! me over my Blackberry Messenger one night and told me that he just got dumped by his girlfriend. Since I was kind of their (his and his girlfriend's) favorite cool auntie, of course, he asked me to spoke with her to interfered the issue. I was like, WTF? Am not that kind of person who loves to get involved with other people's problem. But since he's my nephew, and he said please like almost eighteen thousand times, not to mention his nagging thing, how could I say no?
So yeah, I tried to talk to the girl, not too personally, just nipped it a bit in our casual conversation. The girl said that she just want to be friends for now but did mention about she was kind of disappointed with my dear nephew. As someone with experiences, I of course understand completely what she was trying to say. Totally. I mean, unlike boys, when a girl says something, the thing that you have got to understand is not what she really says, but it's what she doesn't say. Here's the thing, girls talk with hidden meaning. And in this case, what she really trying to say was that she loves him but there's something need to be fixed on the way he treats her. Such a teenager! Got to love them, ha!
Then yeah, I got back to my nephew and told him to just be patient as she wasn't going anywhere and I also assured him that they will be together again soon. All he needs to do is giving her a space for herself. At first, of course my 'oh so full of passions' nephew was kind of didn't take it gracefully. As a young lad, his ego was like, "She's mine and I have to get her back right now..or else!" To be honest I was kind of admired his determination, but yet I told him to hold himself back. Why? Here's the thing, when you like a girl so much hence your aggressiveness towards her, then she would think of you as a psycho. Or, if you show a girl that you love her so much and can't live without her, then you're her toy. Her Ken doll to play with. Now, you were probably questioned why did I say that.
Here is the thing, my villa's manager, a 26 years old Slovenian guy who recently became a buddy to me, always came to me whenever he needs advice for his relationship with a girl, sort of his girlfriend. He told me that the girl was really confusing. One day she was kind of so nice and approachable then suddenly she was like, "Oh, am not so sure about this thing between us anymore. I don't think that you really love me. Maybe we shouldn't do this," I was like, so typical! Then of course, my advice was the same. I mean, I told him to ignore the girl once in a while. Don't answer her call for change. Stop calling her and play hard to get is a must. Yeah, when it comes to dramas, am the master of the game. Seriously, you might not believe it, but am the ultimate drama queen according to my last (sort of) boyfriend. So trust my advice, it works! Don't believe me?
There's one thing that you guys should know about girls. We all are drama queens at some point. Girls love to trick guys in order to find out about what their intentions really are, while guys tend to speak their thoughts. I mean, guys will say it out loud whether they like the girls or not, while we (read : girls) tend to find out about that in our own way. And yeah, by saying that I do mean by acting it. Hey, I guess that's why they said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, don't you think?
So yeah, when my new buddy and I met over a coffee sometime last week, it didn't surprise me when he said that he did what I told him the other week and even kicked the girl out of his house over their argument, then the next day suddenly the girl text him for reconciliation but of course he let her waited for a while. Something that never happened before as he was always became the first party to came forward to apologize normally. High five, brother! As for my nephew, I just got PING!!! From him a couple of days ago when he told me that the girl and him are an item again. I was like, "Told ya!" Ha!

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Picking Up The Pieces

As you guys probably knew already, I had some kind of love life tragedy recently hence my personal life disastrous. I was kind of losing grip for a while there and, to topped that, my folks back home ultimate me to come back to them. I was like WTH? That wasn't help at all, guys! I mean, for all the times that I could remember, Bali is my life and my life is Bali. I could never portrait myself living in anywhere else but this island. Na-ah. There was a time I drowned in tears at night whenever I try to face these options. I really don't want to be labelled as an ungrateful daughter to my parents, but in the other hand, I have so many plans for my future and non of them include going back home. So yeah, yesterday what I was afraid of these whole time finally happened. I was kind of having an argument with my mum, and as much as I tried to avoid it, at the end I was like sort of raised my tone to her and I felt terrible. I mean, these whole time, compare to my brother and sister, I was the last person who ever had any arguments with our parents. If I did something that doesn't fit their satisfaction and they said something about it, instead of talk back I'd prefer keeping it inside me and didn't say anything. No matter how hard they can be sometimes but I choose not to response. Besides, am not an argumentative type of person after all. Hey, that's why I write, remember? Ha! Okay, now back to the title. After having this kind of turmoil life last year, I now decided to stand up and fix everything for my own good. I still losing grip here and there for sure, but I don't have time to crumble down anymore. Or, it's more like I refused to make time for myself to even think about it. I live for the future so why should I waste my time to even think about the past? A dear friend once said, what's in the past can stay in the past. True, I've learnt some big lessons from my unpleasant experience but time moves on and not moves back. As for my parents, I owe them apologise for everything I've done in the past and everything that I will do in the future that hurt and going to hurt their feelings. I mean, it's not that I don't want to listen to their words, but we three are having this slightly different way on how to deal with life. For me, life is something fun and I don't take it too serious. Maybe that gives them some kind of itch a little bit and I don't blame them for that. We are totally live in different eras and I can totally understand that it was our culture that taught us that until a daughter got married, she's still in her parents responsibility. But now it's like 2011 already! That kind of thinking is not even acceptable anymore. And what is having a dog with me has got to do with everything? Oh, I forgot to mention that it wasn't just having me back home that my parents asked me to do but also to get rid of my puppy as it was strictly prohibit in my religion to have dogs as pets. OMG, can you believe that? At nowadays? My fault maybe, for always turning to them whenever I need help, financially to be exact, therefore they were like having this kind of feeling that they still have some controls for my life in their minds. But who else should I turn to financially if not them? Ha!

So yeah, having these whole things writing down on my blog is actually my way to offer everyone in the past my apologises. Even if sometimes I was like, "I didn't do anything wrong" but for sure, I do realise that I might did something that hurt others, especially my folks, unintentionally I hope. Then there's nothing to be ashamed of, no excuse to not admit that and ask for their forgiveness. I now really try my best picking up the pieces that left behind by my personal and love life disastrous, so the last thing that I need at the moment is having this sort of feud with my beloved parents as well. Not something that I can deal with at this point. So yeah, am so sorry mum and dad, for the high pitch tone I used the other day, you know it's not me normally. Am not proud of that at all and hopefully you guys can totally understand my frustration that day from our differentiation. But yeah, mum..no offence, and I do love you with all my heart..but am totally keeping my puppy and nothing can stop me from having him. And oh yeah..am not coming back home either. Am so very sorry. Oh dear God, please bless me?

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No Strings Attached

If a guy, let say sort of your ex, asked you to do something which according to your moral standard was sexually inappropriate, would you do it? For old time sake, would you do things against your common sense just to keep the friendship going? Now here's the thing, since you were probably confused by now, let me tell you why did I ask those questions. A few years back I met a guy who was kind of caught my attention and we went out few times. My mistake completely as back then I was actually with someone and failed to mention it to him (read my blog : My Holiday In Goa). But, after a while and passed some feuds and arguments, now we decided to be friends. For me, really not a big deal at all as I was totally had fun with him back then so yea, what's in past stayed in the past. And over my naivety I thought he has the same thoughts as mine. Did he?
Nope. So here's the thing, a couple of weeks ago, after losing tract for a year or so, out of sudden he contacted me again. This was a surprise as we were kind of keeping a distant between us because of his previous girlfriend didn't really approve our friendship and for some reasons I was always got blamed for their personal matters. So of course, when he text me again, I was gladly response. I was so happy that he then decided to forget all of the stupid things that happened in the past and offer me our friendship back. Feel like winning a lottery I took the offer and we suddenly became best buddies all over again. I found myself talk to him almost everyday now and yea..hate to admit it, but I do miss our old time mischievous conversations so bad. But when the conversations get too intense and he asked me to do something which according to my standard was inappropriate, of course, I politely refused. Then as you guys guessed, yeah..we had those kind of arguments all over again. I mean, am a kind of girl who found that it was difficult to just say 'NO' to others. Instead, I lied and created some excuses to (according to my thoughts) make him believes. My bad. As he knew my tricks already so of course he knew exactly when I was lie and when I was not. So no matters how I tried to convinced him, he was way too smart now..ha! So yeah, the history repeated itself and he called me a liar just like old time all over again. Déjà vu!
But, my question is, should I feel guilty here? I mean, to be honest with you guys, I probably still have this tiny spot in my heart for him as he was actually the last person whom I can say that am in love with, so of course the tense is still pretty much there. I still see the firecrackers whenever I dream of him and just by thinking about him already give me rush. But the thing is, my common sense told me that the thing between us back then was more like a passion than a love. There were no strings attached whatsoever. But I did love him back then, still do maybe..and I know, it was totally my fault for everything that happened, but hey..they said average person lied 3-9 times a day, so yeah..am kind of normal then, right? Ha!
Now, back to my question, if a guy, short of your ex, asked you to do something which according to your standard was sexually inappropriate and you refused to do so hence an argument, should you take the blame for it? Because honestly, am not afraid to be blamed. I mean, if I did something wrong, I will more than happy to take the blame and apologize. So, should I apologize to him for failed to accommodated his wish? Probably I should apologize to him but not for that reason. Probably I should ask him to forgive me for giving him a wrong impression about me and leading him towards a wrong direction that made him did whatever he's done. Yeah, that's more like it.

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God Bless The Puppies

It's now been more than a year since I lost my dogs Macallan and Coco over a cruelty of some irresponsible people (read my blog : Inglorious Basterds). Talking about it still break my heart even though am pretty sure that they all are in pet heaven now playing with each other, but still, it hurts to just go back to that situation once again. For more than a year now I stayed low on dogs department as I wasn't ready to replaced Macallan (my late min-pin) just yet. Until one Monday morning, the secretary in my office came to work with this 'oh so cute' little white puppy. Two words : EN-VY!! Yeah, I was jealous like no others when I saw her with that little thing. That day, without even thinking, I asked her to take me to the owner of the puppy as she said that there were still another three puppies ready for adoption because the owner didn't really care about them.So yeah, to cut the story short, now I got a puppy! And I named him Brutus over the rival of Julius Cesar. Also because he has this black thingy around his face that kind of look like beards, so yeah..the name was also came from that baddie character in Popeye the Sailorman. Don't know why, but when it comes to name my pets, I tend to pick a baddie name, I just love it. Sounds strong and full of characters, don't you think so? So now I've got a puppy, exactly what I've been wished for. As everyone probably knew already, I have this special thing inside me when it comes to animals. Dogs, cats, horses, and even squirrels. Not so much for cold blood animals though..you know, like anything lives in the water? Or snake, crocodile, alligator, and their entire family. Then yesterday afternoon when I went shopping for Nyepi day, as usual, I tagged Brutus along with me. Yeah, FYI, I was always have him with me wherever I go as I was too scare to leave him home alone. Hey, what if over his naivety as a puppy, he accidentally get into the pool and drown? Can't take that risk so I'd prefer and feel better if I have him in my eyes all the time. And there at the supermarket, every single person adored him. I mean, who wouldn't? Unless if you're a cold bloody person who won't be touched by those sweet big brown eyes, then yeah.. Oh, did I tell you about my three weeks old baby already became a model? Yeah, two days ago when the studio in my magazine's office rented by some people who's doing a photo shoot for some fashion brand, the French designer saw and fell for Brutus then asked if he could use him for the commercial shoot. I was like, sure-sure..no problem! I mean, what's wrong with that? Besides, Brutus is a great puppy and adorable so everyone would fell for him alright. One of those people was a girl I met at the supermarket, probably my age, whose husband works for Bali Animal Welfare Association (BAWA). And when she found out that I just picked up Brutus from unwanted owner, she was like offering me if I wanted more dogs as BAWA actually has hundreds of street dogs ready for adoption. Since I don't want another pet as I don't do share so I'd prefer to have one dog for me and the dog will have one me for himself as well. Hey, what can I say..am a one man's girl..ha! But, I do interested in doing some volunteering job for them, as I said above, I do have this special thingy for animals so anything that includes them was always touched me. So yeah, we'll see..am planning to go down to Ubud where the association headquarters is on Monday and see what can I do to help them. Oh, just by thinking about it already gave me an excitement! Two words : OB-SESSED! Ha!

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Welcoming my new baby Brutus..many people said that he won a lottery 'coz I picked him up but actually it was me who won that lottery by finding him.. ♥

Cougar Town

Ha ha this is very funny and am very sure that you guys will think exactly the same with me. Here is the thing, yesterday afternoon when I came home from work, it was like late afternoon almost evening. I stopped my car just to open the gate when two teenage boys, I assumed they were like thirteen years old or so, passed me by and literally starred at me.
First I was like, was it my jumpsuit looked funny to them or what? Was it the way I pushed my gate open? Was it the top part of my clothes that doesn't fit properly? Damn, I should've wear bra today! Seriously, I was like checking every inches of my body to make sure that I didn't give them any chances to make fool of me, and to be honest with you I didn't see any. I was alright actually. Then why did they stare at me? I was so confused until I saw one of them, the one with shorter hair who actually looked a little bit older than the other, gave me those mischievous looks in his eyes. He then smile at me with an 'oh so seductive' kind of way and believe it or not, maybe because of his young age, I think it was kind of funny. I was like, OMG..am I just been picked up by a teenage boy? So cute and flattering actually, considering my age. Then of course, I smile back at him in an 'oh so seductive' kind of way too. Hey, he started it not me! Oh Gosh..please don't let anyone saw what just happened, otherwise I will receive a subpoena for molesting an underage boy. Ha!
But, wait a minute here! True, it sounds kind of gross when we talk about thing like this and the boy was like only thirteen, but let face it when we see it from the age differences between me and him and Demi More and Asthon Kutcher, it was kind of the same. So, if we're okay with Demi and Ashton then there's nothing gross about what happened between me and my neighbor kid whatsoever, right? Besides, am not going to do the boy or anything like that, I was just gave him a smile! Yeah, maybe it was kind of make him blushing, but what about me? Am a victim here too as much as he was. I mean, he started it first, so who's to blame if I then fall into his super cute seductive smile? Euw, what am I thinking? OMG, I was such a cougar! Somebody shoot me!

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My Naked Chef

No guys, this blog is not going to talk about Jamie Olivier, the ultimate naked chef from a TV program called the same, nope. But the inspiration was from him, that's the fact. Now, do you guys have any idea why he called the naked chef? O-ho-ho..don't jump into any dirty conclusion just yet. This was nothing to do with anything physical. He got his nick name 'the naked chef' actually from the way he cooks. In every recipe that he creates, he used all of basic ingredients, so basic it was almost naked. He never make his food complicated, always simple yet nice. And that is why he called 'the naked chef'.
Oh am sorry guys, did I disappoint you by saying that? But yeah, there's nothing dirty that am going to write here, sorry. But something happened a few weeks ago and to make it short, let say that I met a guy and we were kind of dating. One night he cooked for me at my house for dinner and when I saw he cooked, it reminded me to Jamie Olivier a little bit. The way he cooked with all of those basic ingredients, so very simple yet nice. The taste was delicious and believe me because am a very picky girl when it comes to guys and food. So yeah, starting from that night, he was my naked chef, ha!
Then, what so special about it? Honestly? Nothing at all. Thing is, on my last blogging I was talking about a friend who'd been killed over a robbery in her own house and it was kind of devastating. I've got so many complains from people who feel uncomfortable with that. I mean, whenever they check on my blog, the first thing that they see was the tragedy and it bothers people a lot, I guess. Including the guy I talked above, my naked chef. And of course, I don't want to cause any uncomfortable thing in anyone's mind and that's why I decided to write about something light and casual. Something that doesn't take a genius to understand, something naked..ha! OMG, does that make me a naked writer? I think so..
Now back to my naked chef, as you guys probably aware already that am kind of single recently and I was never ever see myself in dating world at anytime soon. My last break up was too painful and full of drama so that I need more times to recovery. But a few weeks ago I met someone and don't ask me what happened, because all that I knew was everything went naturally from that point. I don't know what to call this thing between us just yet, but for the moment, he is the closest definition to a boyfriend for me. So, when the first time he said that he will cook for me at my house, I was like..great, a guy that cook? Perfect? Here is the thing, my previous relationship was kind of forced me to cook, so yeah..I do cook, but I don't enjoy it. I'd prefer baking than cooking. Then when I met this guy n he does cook, what else should I asked for? OMG, am such an easy girl! Ha!
The thing is am originally came from a place that very famous for its culinary, yeah..am from Padang and for that practically reason people expected me to be a good cook. But am so sorry guys, am not. For me, most of Padang foods and or Indonesian foods are complicated. They use so many ingredients just make a thing called 'bumbu' and for me it was just too much. I need some simple and basic ingredients so it won't confused me whenever I cook. Like couple of years ago, I watched Jamie Oliver Christmas program when he showed everyone how to cook Turkey in simple and basic way and it stayed in my head like forever. Even on last Christmas I still can make it and it was perfect! So yeah, when the guy I mention above finally came to my house and cooked for me, oh la la..love it! The food was exactly what I expected..simple, basic, and delicious. I can easily make them at anytime I want..that's how simple it was. Then of course, from that night on he is my 'Naked Chef' without any dirty thought! Ha!
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Where Are The Good People Go?

Yesterday morning, I was shocked when I turned my phone on and saw my friends’ status over their Berry’s Messengers said that one of our friends die tragically. I was like, WTF happened? But, as usual, I was a bit scared to asked, afraid of what the answer would be. Then last night I watched local TV to find out what happened after failed looked for it in the internet and it made me even more shocked. My thought when I heard about her death was she’s probably sick or something. Here is the thing, I actually bumped in to her a week or so ago at the ATM machine of one of local banks near my place. We talked briefly and even said that we will go out together sometime. And at that time she looked a bit tired and wasted, that’s why I thought that she was sick or something. But she didn’t, she murdered! OMG…what a shocking!

No, am not going to spill you the detail here, it won’t be appropriate. Besides, you can read newspapers for that. But the fact that she was killed in her own house over a ‘possibly’ robbery is devastating. I mean, what kind of people did such thing to a woman? Seriously, even though (if) this was a robbery, I doubted that she was even fought the guys. The fact that she was a tiny girl, I can not even imagine that she would do any damage to whoever had bad intentions to her. Then why did they kill her? For God sake, where is your compassion? To kill someone over a laptop and a Blackberry phone was undeniably cruel.

I aware that for financial reason, people can sometime do an unexplainable thing, but still, doesn’t mean that you can just walk around and kill someone, especially a woman who undoubtedly vulnerable. Life doesn’t go that way, we do have rules and laws to control our behaviors. This was actually a wake-up call to everyone. Does that mean that it’s not safe anymore for a woman to be home alone? A friend said that we should get guard dogs, but does that mean that we really-really are safe afterward? I mean, what happened the other night was a bit suspicious for me. First, the newspapers said there was no forced entrance and it was only her room that turned upside down and also she was found underneath her bed by her maid who was managed to clean other rooms before came in to my friend’s room and found her, suspicious indeed. But my point was actually what happened in our world? How do people even have a heart to do such thing? Where are the good people go? What happened to love? To compassion? Man, life is a mystery and I need to find the answer…

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To a dear friend Lusiana Burgess, RIP...

Rumble Crumble

One of my dear friends once said that when her sons grow up, she'd prefer if they come forward to her and say that they were a drug addict rather than a gay. At that time I was like, okay..I can totally understand why she said that. Been raising in an eastern culture where sex orientation is still pretty much sacred and becoming an openly gay is still pretty much a sin, I can say that I myself, would probably say the same too if I were a mother. I thought I will be more prepare if someone in my family admit that he or she was a drug addict instead of gay. Until something happened and it opened my eyes that no one will actually be prepare for such things.

Here is the thing, one of my family members who was very closed to me when we were kids, just admitted that he was addicted to drugs and needed help. First my reaction was, WTH? I mean, I barely seen him apart from when I came back to my hometown in Sumatra which was not very often since we both live in different cities separated by two big oceans. But when this thing happened, my family called me and asked me to talked to him as we were that closed, and yeah, I think he was kind of listen to what I said since he was actually like four years younger than me, then of course, I talked to him. After our first conversation over a phone call, I then realized that what my friend said above was probably true but when thing like that really happened, no one will prepare in any circumstance.

Let me tell you why did I say that. True that if someone in any family says that he or she was gay, this fact would probably sounded more embarrassing than if that person says that he or she was a drug addict, BUT, the damage was pretty much the same. And believe me because I am talking through my very own experience, this thing can easily torn the family apart as everyone will try to find someone to be blame. None of them would probably have a thought that when thing like this happened, that means it was too late to find who's guilty of what. Way too late.

When thing like this happened, that means it's time to make a move, eventually. Because one thing I've learn from this situation and that was how blind we were when thing like this happened to our family. I mean, after a while and think of the flashback, I now realized that I was supposed to knew about this long time before as the signs were pretty much there right in front of my face. But, as someone who love her family, I was kind of blocked my own view and shadowed it over that wall called 'trust'. Of course, sometime I feel weird whenever I met him in my gramm's house and he acted not as himself, but I was always found a positive answer for his weirdness, even though sometime I barely recognize him anymore, but as a family, I will never ever have any negative thought. Come on..that's what family do, right? Besides, since we were very closed when we were kids, my last image of him was still like when I was in Junior High and he was in Elementary School and we played football together in my garage. I would never have a thought of that young kid who played football with me back then would ever take any drugs whatsoever. Despite on how grown up he is now, my image of him is stay like that. He was, is, will always be that small kid to me.

So don't blame me if I didn't see the signs or maybe I was a little bit in denial before, but considering our circumstances, I think it was kind of acceptable. My point is, when things happened to your family, no one would prepare of anything. No matter what. We love our family too much and it drives us toward our super high expectation that never allow us to tolerate anything. Our selfishness won't let us. Because of we love them, we were never have a doubt about them. Like what happened to me. I actually heard a rumor about my family member I talked above on how he was possibly a drug user and I confronted him one time and he denied it. As a family what did I do? I believed. Yeah, despite on how my common sense told my heart to not believe, but my feeling won the battle then as you can see now, I let love fooled me. How stupid. Now after everything was too late, I have no one else to be blame but me. I was a fool. If only I listened to my common sense that time, I would probably became a hero in my entire family for being a savior by saving them from the embarrassment. And the even better thing to happened was to be able saving someone in your bloodline from an addiction..that was an achievement! If only..

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A Decent Man

A guy who I’ve known recently once said that ‘decent man has to be afraid of his wife’. First I wasn’t that interested with his words, but after a while I started to think about it a little bit. I mean, really? Seriously? Here is the thing, men in general has a different ego than women. Man doesn’t normally admit that he is indeed afraid to his wife. And for a man to not just admit it but also realize that it was actually a decency, that was something, don’t you think so?

As for me, I was never met any man who admitted that he was in fact afraid of his wife before. Mostly, they even deny it. I mean, come on, unwrittenly that was a crime for a man to do so. Especially for someone who brought up in a eastern culture where men normally still considered as a leader. Like my mum always says, I was supposed to listen to anyone who becomes my husband in the future. Our job as a woman was to support the hubby, we were supposed to walk a step behind them (this is not literally, but for sure you knew what I mean, right?). Then here come this man, out of nowhere, said it out loud and proud, announced that he was indeed afraid of his wife.

Then, I was like, hum...wait a minute. Do I really want my man to be afraid of me? I don’t think so. I mean, as an Aquarian, am a kind of girl who is stubborn as hell. And I can be bossy when someone treats me too soft. So for me, man who afraid of his wife doesn’t really work. I need someone who can control me and stop me from being a snob. So yeah, I admire his decency but it was just not for me.

Then how does this decency work actually? Do men really have to be afraid of their wives just to be decent? I actually don’t agree with the word ‘afraid’. The phrase wasn’t too keen for me. I think (as this blog actually called “According To Dewi”) decent men are they who consider their wives opinion every time they make decision. Not because of they afraid of them, but more like because they do need second opinions from someone whom they trusted the most. Decent men know when to involved their wives in their life and know when not to. Decent men respect their wives, not afraid of them. Decent men treat their wives as equal partners but they don’t afraid of them. Decent men know how to be decent and it’s definitely not by acting scare of their wives. Totally!

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Love On A Piece Of Paper

Oh oh oh, I know for sure that this one is going to create a controversy for everyone who read it. Why? Now, here is the thing..as a girl who brought up in a some kind of religious family, I was supposed to be a girl who treat religion as something primary. And as someone who brought up in an eastern culture, I was supposed to sees life in an eastern perspective. For example, in my culture we don't recognize living together as a couple. When you find someone you love then you marry them, end of story. You were supposed to acknowledge as a couple in religious way and law. That was what your parents do and your grand parents before them do, and your great grand parents before them do, so yeah..telling your folks that you have a slightly different things in mind is definitely a challenge.

But, as everyone probably knew already, for some unexplainable reasons, I don't buy that. The thing is, I don't believe in a piece of paper and I don't determine love by that. I mean, just by signing up your commitment to be together forever on a piece of paper, doesn't mean that you were safe and definitely WILL BE together like forever. Na-ah. For me, when you commit yourself to someone, it's not about a piece of paper but it's about your heart. Just because the priest said that 'what united by God can only be separated by God' doesn't mean that you can only separated by God, just God, and nothing but God. No way, Jose! Mostly it was your husband's secretary who took this part, Missy! Ha!

No, seriously..I really don't believe in marriage as a way to show someone that you love them for some reasons. And no, I don't come from a broken home family, in fact, my parents has been marriage for almost 40 years now, would you believe that? But, for me, when you love someone and willing to commit yourself to that person then you show it with your heart not with a proposal to marry them. Oh no, don't get me wrong, am not an anti-marriage type of girl, and of course, I will support whoever decided to choose marriage life as their lifestyle, but I just don't see marriage as the way to show your commitment to anyone. I mean, how many of you guys who married and even have kids but still cheating on your spouse? A-ha, don't lie to me! Of course, I won't say your name out loud, but, you who you are..ha! Then yeah, for me, once a cheater always a cheater no matter you were marriage or not. So don't get me those speeches about how I should get marriage and settle down for the sake of that! I mean, when I meet my soul mate and willing to spend the rest of my life with him then I will settle down. But it's not necessary getting marriage thingy. If I want to settle down with someone and decided that I want to have kids with him then I will do that, no need a piece of paper or anything else to legalize it. My commitment is in my heart. Besides, it was easier like that when everything doesn't turn as our expectation. All we need to do is pack our bag and leave, no need court order or anything. Quick and simple.

Alright, I know by this point you guys probably think that am a weirdo, well..maybe I am. The truth is I don't have a normal way of thinking as everyone else, am an Aquarian, remember? Many times I found myself got into trouble because of my estranged point of view but I just want everybody to see this thing from a different perspective. Love is something special so it doesn't determine by signatures on a piece of paper. And no matter how loud and clear you said your vow was, it means nothing if your heart didn't go with that vow. That's, my friends..according to me!

^_^

Take My Breath Away

This is hilarious. In some boring afternoon, I was stuck at home because it was raining outside and there was nothing good on telly so what did I watch? Mel B : It's a Scary World! Yeah, somebody shoot me. But first, let me tell you what caught my attention was. In one scene, Mel had this 'so girl things' idea that she, as a normal woman, wants to find a girl for her currently single singer/songwriter English best friend, Matthew. So, as a start, she wanted to know what dos and don'ts that Matthew requires for girls. Very normal. Then, during their lunch meeting over a project, she popped the question. Matt then said that he wanted a girl who can take his breath away. Ah..so sweet, isn't it? For real, Mel got carried on and looked at Stephen who sat next to her then asked, "Do I take your breath away, honey?" Ha, what a tricky question. Stephen silent for a while, looked at his estranged wife then said, "Of course you do, honey. You take my everything away..my wallet, my money, my car, my house, everything. You take my everything, honey."

Ha ha, seriously I couldn't help myself but laugh my head off. He's so funny yet so right at some point. Man, hate it when a guy says something so sharp but smart at same time! Makes me feel like a fool sometime. But yeah, what he said was completely right and hit me on my face whether I like it or not. Here is the thing, as a girl who raised in a material world, I do realize that women born to be materialistic. It's our destiny, not our choice but that was written in our faith. True, sometime men don't get it but they have to take it whether they happy with it or not. And maybe not many guys like Stephen who realized this 'seems to be' an unfair situation, but hey, women got to do what women got to do. After all, we had been created from half of your rib, so of course, you have got to take care of us. Oh I thanked God for making me a woman! Then please don't judge me, but..do I take your breath away honey?

^_^

My Resolutions

Tomorrow is the last day of the year and am wondering if anyone of you guys making any resolution for the next year like I normally did. But the thing is, I was never succeed to make them happened. I remembered last year on new year's eve I said to myself that I have to make a big move in the coming year, like for example write a book, as it wasn't a secret anymore that my passion was to become an author. But instead of making it happened, I was having a breakdown that no one would believe. The year of 2010 was the year that I will remember in my entire life. So many things happened drove me to an amazing experience that taught me many values in life.

And now that the year is nearly over, I was like thinking, should I make another resolution for the coming year or should I just continuing pursue my un-achieved dream from this year? Thing is, my turbulence life in 2010 has been giving me a roller coaster ride which even until today still confuse me in seeing which one is real and which one is surreal. I even thought that am having a bipolar disorder at one point. It was the feeling that you have got on rodeo day where everything seemed to come toward you from every direction. So confusing. That is why actually I didn't even try to obtain my resolution as I have trouble myself in realizing all the things that happened in my life. Started when I lost my lovely dog Macallan who had been with me for the past 8 years, then the lost of my 2 cats whom suddenly went missing from my new place, the lost of some great opportunities in business, having accused by someone as a boyfriend stealer, and made some stupid decisions on choosing friends which cost me so many damages. All of those topped with the crumbled of my long term relationship which I thought was going to last forever but turned out it wasn't that special after all. Toward the end of the year things were getting worse and worse when my dear beloved mother had a heart attack. My self consciousness was blaming myself for that as at some point I do believe that she was having it over her stressed concerning me and my problems. I was never going to be able to forgive myself for that. So yeah, 2010 was a tough year for me. Guess God was having fun with me a bit, you know, testing me and my patience? Pushing me to the edge and see how long can I hanging there? And guess what, am still there! How did I do that? I have no idea whatsoever. Even me surprised myself after everything that I had been through, I was still here. Never consider myself as a tough chick after all. Whoa!!

So what is my resolution for the next year? Mm, let me think about it first. I won't say that I hope the coming year will be better than this year because I know for sure that it will be. I mean..come on, what the worst that could happens after all that I had been through? I'd been down there on the rock bottom of disastrous already. I don't think there's anything would topped that. So yeah, if I still have to make a resolution at the end, then let say that I will continue writing and this time I will seriously try my luck on this matter. Hey, am not getting any younger and I might lose my passion someday, so while I still have it, I've got to use it to the max, right? The thing is, either my write wasn't interesting enough to attract people to read them and leaves some comments or people just don't read anymore nowadays, but the fact is I didn't get enough critics to perfection my writes and it kind of worry me, you know..in case if nobody likes my writes kind of thing. An author needs readers because you can not claim yourself as an author if no one reads your works, it's impossible! So yeah, maybe my first goal next year is to gain more and more readers to become my followers first, while of course, continue writing. They said practice makes perfect, remember? Hopefully my dream to become an author will come true in anytime soon. Amen to that.

^_^

To all of my dear friends, happy new year! Life's tough, my friends..but we're tougher..xoxo

Garuda Di Dadaku (Garuda On My Chest)

Alright, I promise you that this is going to be my last football talk of the year. I know, the euphoria is gone already after the referee blow the whistle and Indonesia beat Malaysia 2 to 1 but in contradictory situation, that wasn't good enough for us to bring to trophy home. In aggregate, we lost 2 to 4 after in the first leg they beat us 3-0. What a heart breaking night for all of the players who fight so bad during the 90 minutes game! After six wins and one dramatic loss, we only finished as a runner up. But, as captain Bambang Pamungkas said, that's football.

So, what went wrong? Mm, I don't even know where to start. Okay, let me first talk about the different between the battle for your country and the battle for your club. Here's the thing, I've been watching football since I was a little girl back then for the Mexican World Cup 1986 when Maradona with his hand of God brought Argentina as a world champion. And believe it or not, even though I was just a kid who you'd probably never even bother asked for opinion, but I did pay my attention and done some observation here and there during the competition. And that was actually helped me a little in understanding the emotion behind every game. When you play for your country, it is more like you are going to a war to safe the dignity of your nation. It's so much more attachments in there. You will find yourself a little over emotional in this matter. While playing for your club is more like an obligation to them as they are paying you to play so. There was no different with everyone else doing their daily job to make life, do you know what am saying? It's more like a job rather than a prestige. In the other hand, playing for your country is a prestigious thing. That is why, if you read my last blog about football, I mention about how we need our own leader in the field and that is why I insisted Riedl to put BP for the first 45 minutes of the game. Oh no, I wouldn't try to say that Gonzalez wasn't good enough, but, in an important game like the one tonight, the skills and capabilities were suddenly became a secondary factor but the pride of fighting for the country was a primary one. Don't get me wrong, I knew that all of our naturalization players said that they considered Indonesia as their country now, but still, it was never the same. Ever. Let's not close our eyes to the fact that most of foreign footballers who played in our country were from poor countries which, for some reasons, great in football. So if they stayed in their countries and became a footballer there, first of all they might ended up jobless as the competitors over there are way better and more than in here. Second of all, if they stayed in their countries and signed up for their local clubs they won't get paid as good as they are here, come on..Uruguay? Seriously? Is there even any club or league in that country? Never heard of it! I know for sure at this point I have to be careful whenever I go out at night, as someone might put a hit list on me because of what I said here, but think about it first. I mean, open your eyes widely. Do you, in your deepest heart, believe that someone who just lived in a country for the past five years and happens to marriage one of the local chicks, would have the same feeling and love to that country with someone who was born and raised in that country where their parents, their grandparents and great-great grandparents before them also raised and born? I don't think so. Plus, not to mention the effect of those Garuda logo on their t-shirts that needs a pure blood to even feel it.

Alrighty, I will be gentle here, I know that one of our naturalization players has half Indonesian blood and his father was once a great footballer in this country, so I think am gonna let him getaway here. Am not going to attack him as he is kind of cute himself, ha! And don't get me wrong, by saying all of those words above, I never meant to attack anyone in particular, oh..apart from Alfred Riedl, maybe. But my point is, when you play for your country you need a leader who has all of those emotional attachments to push you to the max. That is why we need a cool dude like Bambang in this situation. True that we do have a good captain, Firman Utina, but he was just not that ready yet. It proved by his failure to executed the penalty on 17th minute which could be a turning point for our team. I knew that in his defense, Utina said that he didn't have any pressure when took that penalty, it was pure his honest decision to do so and Malaysian goalkeeper happened to read his move and that was so common in football. Well said, Utina..but who do you try to fool? I mean, I played football with my sister and my cousins when we were kids and even back then I felt a tension and pressure whenever we played. And we didn't even play for anything, just for the sake of paying it. The fact that as humans, we tend to compete with others. Our nature makes us want to be the best amongst our kind and that was so normal. So Utina, knock it off, dude!

So, what went wrong again? Everything! I bet it would've been a different story if Riedl put BP instead of Gonzalez on first half. He would've scored the penalty which built the team confidence and we would've finished the first half with 3-0 and come back for the second half with Gonzalez in and would've finished the game with 5-1 and won the title. Also, Utina would've won his Most Valuable Player title with clean record, without any stain and everyone would've came home with a big smile on their faces thinking about the bonuses that they were going to get, ha! What an happy ending! I can hear the theme song in everyone car stereo on their way back home in my ears now...

Garuda di dadaku..Garuda kebanggaanku..

Kuyakin hari ini pasti menang!!!

^_^

Big Girls Do Cry

Being single is something that some people, men in particular, consider as a privilege. Ask George Clooney if you don't believe me. By staying single means that you can do whatever you want at anytime you want with whoever you want. What not love about that, eh? That was my thought before too. And yeah, I do mean it before like before the time I write this blog literally. Confuse? Of course, you do.

Alright, let me explain to you why did I think of that. As you guys knew already, I live in the island of Bali where people considered it as the island of fun and freedom. Oh yeah, when the first time you step your foot on this island you could find your daily life in wherever you live at the moment was suck! And that happened to me too. In my case even worse, when I decided to moved to Bali, I was like hoping for some major change in my normal life lived in my parents house. I even lied to my olds told them that I got a job in this island just to made them let me out of their comfortable cage. They bought that then here I am. And since this was my first self freedom, I prepared myself for some super crazy scenario of life. But what did I get? I met a guy on my third day in the island, and the last thing I remembered was moving in with him. Instead of having my freedom, I just moved myself from a comforted zone to another even more comforted zone. Guess my self consciousness was not that ready for an adventure just yet. The fact that I preferred my cozy life lying on the couch watching TV rather than worked my ass upside down to make my own life took the biggest part in the making of that decision that change my life forever.

Oh no, don't get too excited yet, am not going to spill the detail about my previous heart broken relationship here. The point is now that am single right at the most important holiday of the year, that was more than just lame. I now realized how I need someone at this time of year, badly. The fact that I still don't get used to take care of myself yet made this situation even worse. I can not even believe am saying this, but yeah, being single is gay..so gay!

Funny thing about this was my last conversation with a friend who was single and we were talking about going out partying at one weekend and she asked me if I could join her. Back then, I said to her that at this point I wished that I was single so I could say 'hell yeah' to her question without even thinking. But because of I was not, so I had to checked with my man first and see if he was okay letting me out that night. Oh no, don't get me wrong, I knew for sure that he would say 'yes' anyway, he was actually that kind of cool guy, but still, the fact that I couldn't give an answer right away when someone asked to do something, it really bothered me a lot. Hey, what can I say? I don't do commitment, am an Aquarian, remember?

So, now back to the topic, it was just recently when I finally fully aware that I am a single girl living in an island of freedom and fun, and what did I do? I cried. I was like losing my grip and this holiday festive definitely doesn't do any help..at all. For a moment there, for a split second, I felt so lonely and suddenly missed my old life back. I want that rush and itchy feeling when planning what to do for new year eve and where to go. I want that shopping spree terrorizing all of the big sales in town. I want that joyful feeling when came home and saw the face that I've seen forever in my life. I want those back. Damn, who says being single is a privilege after all?

Then here I am, alone in my room, feeling so confuse. It's not that I don't have anyone to spend this holiday with, I just don't have the mood to do so. I was so used with the ritual that Christmas and New Year's Eve were supposed to be celebrate with your love ones kind of thing so it does give me a blue when my love one isn't mine anymore. Not that I feel sad of losing him, oh no, I've passed that state already, but I do miss all of those little things that we normally shared at this time of year. Even the silliest one, I suddenly want it back. And dang..it hurts to remember all of those knowing that it's not going to happen anymore. So yeah, I know that they say 'big girls don't cry', but am sure there is an exception for my case, isn't it? Thank you very much..Kleenex, please?

^_^

Too Much To Handle?

The other night was a big, oh no..it was a huge disappointment from our national football team who lost their mojo and got beaten by Malaysian team 3 to nothing. After being unbeatable in previous rounds, suddenly Gonzalez and his gang seemed to not known how to play football anymore. I mean, come on..not even one single attempt that they had done. Overall, they looked like a bunch of kids who just got thrown into the field and told to play. Such a useless performance!
Alright, was that completely the boys fault? Wait a minute. They were actually bunch of kids who got thrown into the field and told to play by their manager! A-ha! We got the defendant here! In football game, just like every other team games in sports, the manager was the first 'IT' factor who actually made the team. Their intuition that create such a good team to aim the winning title. Good managers can build a good team whether they hire superstar players or not. For example, Jose Mourinho. He was one of the great man who famous for not being a big spenders on superstar players, instead, he just reform the remained players and use his magic touch to make them a good team. Remember what he did with Inter Milan last season? I even believe that he left Chelsea for that particular reason. When Abramovich started to buy all of those superstars just for sake of buying them, he quit. Yeah, great managers buy players who play well, not who cost well, not who sell well. Look at Ferguson who hardly bought any superstar players lately, he just concentrate in how to teach the remaining players to play great as a team, not individually.
Alright, back to our team, one biggest mistake that we did was being over confident. Yes, we did beat Malaysia before 5 to 1 but it doesn't mean that we are better than them. We often forget that one of the reasons why we battered them on the last game was because we were playing at home. Thing is, when a team in any game plays at home, they were actually play with one additional player which is the supporters. So when last time Malaysia played with eleven men in field, we played with twelve men, and oh believe me, this made a lot of differences. Likewise, it happened the other night as well in Bukit Jalil Stadium of Malaysia. We were actually can say that we were lucky for only got beat 3-0 by them considering how bad we played. Because that means that we have to beat them at least 4-0 on the next leg and since we did hammer them 5-1 at home before so the possibility is still there. But of course, as I said above, do not over confident by under estimate them!
Then let's talk about what did the manager does wrong the other night? Everything! Oh well, am not a football critic but I can easily saw so many mistakes from the other night's game. First, I know for sure the fact that Gonzalez was a hero from the two previous games, but putting him in the field from the beginning was a mistake. Don't get me wrong, but here is the thing, true that Gonzalez is indeed a good closer, not brilliant yet just good, but he can't run. Do not count him to chase the ball, because he is actually kind of slow player. What can you expect from a 34 years old guy anyway? I mean, come on..that was like 50 in football years! Seriously! So if I were the manager I will save him for the last 20 minutes of the game so he could play to the max, and instead, I will put Bambang Pamungkas in. Hold on, don't you yell at me yet. Yes, I know that BP is also kind of old as a player, BUT, he is the leader. He was like Laurent Blanc for France national team. Remember the 1994 world cup when France won the title? I believe with all my heart it was because of him. He was the leader in field and every player looked up on him. Oh no, unlike BP, he wasn't the captain for the team but he was the brain. Like the Prime Minister to the Queen of England. Just like BP, he got the charisma and other players need him in the field. So yeah, if I were Alfred Riedl, I would've put him first instead of El Loco. I know that Gonzalez has already got his Indonesian passport, but knowing our other aspects with Malaysian, we need an Indonesian leader in the field to put our players together, to burn their spirits and use it as a weapon. Firman Utina just not quite there yet. Seriously, the game last night was supposed to be a patriotic one considering our history with this nation, but obviously it was too much to handle for the boys.
You guys were probably wanted to kill me at this point, but hey, this was only an opinion. You don't have to be agree with me, because actually am not finished yet. Let's now talk about another naturalization player from Holland, Irfan Bachdim who barely touched the ball last night. I mean, it was so easy for us to treat the players as our hero just because of they scored in a game but often we forget who actually masterminded the goal. For example, Irfan Bachdim was became an overnight sensation after he scored on the game against Malaysia on the qualification round and for some reason, it doesn't matter anymore whether he plays well or not, which actually he doesn't. I mean, he is good sometime but he is just average overall. Just the fact that he was now in the list for every teenage girls dream date doesn't mean that he is indeed a great player. I mean, shoot me if am wrong, but now I can totally see why 2 Indonesian clubs gave him a NO before. He isn't just that good. He was just like David Beckham without that bend. So if I were Riedl, I will definitely put him on the bench. And do we have any other goalkeeper apart from Markus? Come on, people..please don't make me write why did I ask that question? Alright, if you insisted, he was just an awkward guy and awkwardness was not something that we want to see in the field. Everything about him was just so annoys me, specially how easy he falls down like a feather. I mean, this is football after all, you supposed to got kicked and elbowed in there, unless if you were Gonzalez who was never mind chasing the ball..ha! Just because of he got hooked up with that Indonesian actress wanna be, doesn't mean that he is a superstar as well. Oh come on..get a life! It was sickening to hear how the Indonesian TV commentator referred him as her husband rather than his own name. I mean, seriously guys? No wonder that poor guy never played well. Oh no, I was supposed to battered him but now I feel sorry for him.
Alright..alright, actually not all of our players were bad. I mean, even though most of the goals that we produced in previous games were kind of lucky factors, but we do have some potential players to be proud of. Just because of they were not superstars didn't mean that they are not exist. Octovianus Maniani for example, he is the guy to be watch for every coach out there. He is young, fast, and doesn't really mind the spotlight. The fact that he is a midfielder, doesn't stop him running around all over the place to chase the ball and help the striker to score or even score himself and sometime becomes a defender by making a brilliant safe for the clumsy calamity Markus. Just a typical good player. Between him and other defender Arif Suyono, who plays in the same club with him, are definitely the players to watched.
So if you ask me if I have a doubt for our team in the next game, the answer is no, I don't. Am pretty sure that we will win the second leg game tomorrow, considering the two players I mentioned above and the twelfth player who will definitely help the boys building their confidence back up, but will we score enough goals to win the title? That is, honestly, am not so sure. Unless if Riedl read my blog and decided to go with my opinion then it will be a different story. Ha!

^_^

What Not To Like About Christmas?

Alright, I know the fact that am a Muslim and don't celebrate Christmas, but that was so ancient style. Nowadays, people doesn't treat Christmas as something religious anymore. Of course it is a religious matter but since it celebrates on the 25th day of December which made it the last holiday of the year, oh well, apart from New Year's eve celebration though, if you want to count it as this year celebration, many people in the world nowadays treat Christmas as a tradition rather than a religious ceremonial thing. People all around the world is having their blasts this time of year. Presents, foods, family, parties, wines, trees, decorations, lights, those are Christmas all about. Everyone seems to have something to celebrate on Christmas day. Forget about the fact that it was actually the celebration of Jesus day of birth when God sent him to safe the world, Christmas is more like a family celebration. People make time to go back home to their family at this time of year. No matter how busy they are, Christmas should be your best excuse to be with your love ones without feeling cheesy. It was nice though, spending at least one day a year to be with your folks, having some quality times together, and showing each other what love is about. And when else the best time to do it apart from a week before the year changed? I mean, there are so many holidays in a year, but we were always find an excuse to avoid family and easily say that 'Don't worry, I'll be home next holiday!' without feeling guilty. But when it comes to Christmas, there's no next holiday in the same year afterward. So yeah, you make time for it, end of story!
Funny thing is that at this point everyone doesn't seems to care anymore about work or anything else. All they have in mind were holidays, holidays, and holidays. Even the phone ring sounds like a jingle bell at this point..ha! So hard to pay attention to your job when everywhere in town all that you can see were decoration trees and lights. I can even hear fireworks almost every night during Christmas to new year's eve time. So many parades and festive mode going on! Oh, how amazing!
Then yeah, back to my question above, what not to like about Christmas? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! In fact, there are so many things to like about it! It's the best holiday of the year after all! Totally!

^_^

To all of my dear friends..happy holidays, people!!

Mother, How Are You Today?

How I hurt your feeling, I can't even justify
How I make you cry, only God knows why
How I caused your disappointment, only me can be blame
But still, the smile on your face never ever fade away
How I yell at you, no one would believe
How I broke your heart, like I was never grow up in time
How I caused every damage, I barely believe in myself
But still, your love never conditioned any of those
How I so insensible, you never bother
How I always forget to call you, I always find excuses
How ignorant I can be, you always forgive
And still, you kiss my forehead and tell how you love me
How mischievous I sometime, you give me your best smile
How I lie over stupid things, we always reconcile
How I worry you, I never apologize
And still, you catch me whenever I fall
So mother how are you today?
This poem is all about my deepest feeling
My deepest regression for being who I am
For not being a perfect daughter, for never be there

^_^

To love, to forgiveness, to sweetness, to memories, to good times, to bad times, and above of all..to mum! Happy mother's day, sincere lady!!

Forbidden Command

A couple of days ago I met two Middle East guys who were stayed in one of the eighteen villas in my compound. You may be wondering why do I talk about them, so here's the interesting part. One of the guys went to see the receptionist at the same time I was there so I was kind of accidentally over heard what they talked about. The guy was unhappy about the bathroom in their villa which was an open air one. They were like mention about how open bathroom was prohibit in their religion, which was Islam. As a Muslim myself, this issue definitely caught my attention. I don't mean from the religious point of view but from a day to day point of view. I mean, come on..you're on holiday for God sake, loosen up a little bit! It's not like you were committed one of those seven deadly sins or anything. Am pretty sure God wouldn't mind if you take shower in an open bathroom once in a while. Besides, it was open but it was still inside the villa and not like everyone else can see you shower! Duh!

Seriously guys, I can not understand some people like them sometime, who went for holiday to the island like Bali which definitely well known as a freestyle place, then complained about things like that? Don't they know this little thing called 'Google'? If I plan my holiday to some particular places, the first thing I did was to Google the place so I would prepare. They surely didn't look like uneducated persons but what they did was very stupid for me. I mean, honestly, what kind of person complaining about such things on his or her holiday? Seriously!

Alright, here is the thing, I believe religion is not something to restrain you from having a little fun in life. Holiday is not prohibit and surely taking shower outdoor as well. Everything in religion is adjustable as long as it wasn't the primary ones. So of course, as Muslims, you still have to pray five times a day and fasting on the month of Ramadan. Those are a must with no compromise whatsoever, but taking shower in an open bathroom is not a big deal. It's not like a primary kind of thing, not even secondary. Even the Quran itself never mention it, so you know what it means, don't you? Exactly, not important, dude! So let your fanaticism loose and enjoy your holiday! Go to a bar or something for crying out loud, it was a lot (by far) better than worrying about God will be mad at you just because of you were taking shower in an open air bathroom! Totally!

^_^