Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Please Forgive Me, I Know Not What I Do..(An Open Letter To My Baby Frosty…RIP Darling, I ♥ U So Much)

Dear Frosty,
I still remember the first time I saw you when your birth mother left you to looked for some food in my old house’s roof. Your meow was the thing that caught my attention as you were never shut up even in the middle of the night, you were constantly screaming. At that point, I knew that you must be hungry and you won’t be quite until someone feed you. So yeah, as you were disturbed my sleep that night, I went up to checked on you and there you are with your so tiny little body, crawled over to my reach, and yeah, I fell in love with you right away. Guess there is a love at first sight after all.
My Dear Frosty,
I know that you were probably thought that am not a really cat person and I admitted that am more like a dog person rather than a cat person. Let me tell you why because this happened way before you were born. More than five years ago, a Scottish friend name Drew gave me a kitten and I named him Daniel. He was a wild type of cat who never enjoy being at home. He was also kind of a leader type of thing as you won’t be surprise seeing him walked around the neighborhood with his chin up and almost ten other cats following him around. So yeah, you can call him a king, the king that is. As a wild cat, he was never at home unless for food and doing his business in his litter tray. What a cute thing he was, spent all day outside but always came home for number one and number two, hah! To make it short, when he was a few months old, I was going for two weeks holiday to Australia and had nobody at home to take care of him, so yeah, I took him to a kennel so I was sure that he would be taking care by trustworthy people. So much for my faith in that matter as one of the guys in the kennel caused me losing him as he left the door opened when Daniel was not even in the cage yet. So yeah, as you guess, he was panicked then took off. I spent two hours looking around there with my eyes soaking wet from my never ending tears but he was gone. Since that, I swore that I won’t have cat as a pet anymore, until that night when I saw you on my roof with your grey eyes that melted my heart like you were never imagine. But you knew for sure that you were nothing like Daniel. You were a house cat who loves sleeping on a sit tee in my bedroom right in front of the telly. Every time you went outside you were always ended up home with some cuts from fighting with street cat. You were almost lose one of your legs once after missing for two days. So yeah, I was never expected more from you like I was with Daniel, but when last year you were diagnosed with Feline Urinary Syndrome which until now still has no cure whatsoever, I was devastated. But all I can do was just pray for you and tried to get you the best treatment that you can get. You do know exactly about this, but still, this FUS thing kept on coming back and seeing you squeezing yourself whenever peeing, was made me feel sorry for yourself. Big time. But as much as I felt sorry for you, still, when the vet mentioned about putting you down, I took it bad time and that was why I was always denied the fact that you were not comfortable with your own condition. I was never wanted to make that euthanasia decision for you, ever.
My dearest Frosty,
You might have been thinking that I wasn’t care about you as I didn’t take you to the vet right away when I realized something not right with you. And yeah, I do regretted it all, as if I took you to the clinic earlier then the vet might be able to saved you because your body might not had that shocked that you had. Instead, I chose to spent time with my friends and my dear baby, am so sorry for that. If I only knew that it was so serious, if I only knew… But a dear friend of mine said that everything happens for a reason, so yeah, I hope whatever your reason was, it was a good one. To be honest with you, for some reasons, I am very sure that you were in a better place now, right next to God. And I thank you for waited for me before you were gone forever. I thank you for giving me time to say how sorry I was for everything. I was so happy that you were die in my arms and our last conversation was something special, just between you and me. I will remember that very moment like forever. And you know what, I was always wondering why did you bring Adam home last time and I guess all of my questions were well answered now. I now realized that you were preparing yourself to leave so that you gave us Adam as your replacement so that my heart won’t brake badly. What a smart thinking cat you were, my baby… So rest in peace, darling. We will always remember you as you were always be in our heart no matter what. Thank you for the best three and a half years you spent with us. And yeah, thank you for not making me pulled that plug for you...
^_^
In Memoriam Frosty (2006-2009)

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

I Hate Myself...

That was the first words that came from a friend of mine in her Blackberry Messenger to me this morning. I was like, how come? We are talking about a girl who has almost everything every woman wants in her life. I know many women would do anything to be in her shoes just for one day and for her to hate herself, I know for sure, must be something big. So yeah, of course, as a friend I called her and here is her story.
As a girl who has a lovely and trustfully boyfriend, she was counted as one of luckiest girls in the world, while many girls still can not even find any date whatsoever. After being together for quite sometime with her man, for some reasons, she felt bored with her life, her love life that is. So, last year when she went out for a dinner with some friends, she met a guy, a hot guy as her friends said, in a hip restaurant in town. At first, she thought that he was in to her girlfriend who is pretty much single and looking. But turned out, he was after her and all about her. She tried to avoided him at first, as she never consider herself as a single girl, but this guy was one of a kind of guy who was never gave up, so irresistible. Then yeah, at the end, she decided to gave him a chance and maybe this guy can help her get rid of her so called flat life.
After seeing each other for a while, at the third date, she suddenly felt something for this guy. A strange feeling inside her telling her that she liked him and wanted to be with him. From that moment, she knew that she was passionate him big time. But after a while, when the guy started to pressured her with so many questions about her man, then she decided to step out and leave him. But the feeling inside them was too deep for them to denied, so yeah, even now when the guy already found someone else to occupied him, she was still has a special place in his heart and vice versa. She thought, for this moment, her life was all about him.
Until last month, when she went for a short holiday with her childhood friends and met this cute young guy in a club and ended up had some fun with him. As he was only a young guy who was not even legal yet, she thought of nothing than having fun. Until the third time they met each other and this young guy started questioning her about her man just like the other guy. But this time was different. If the previous guy more like putting a pressured against her, this young guy was more like opened up her mind about something new. About how bad she was as a person. About how terrible she was as a girlfriend. About how selfish she was as a human being. And yeah, that is why now she hates herself for the things that she did in the past. For giving herself a chance to have fun while she wasn’t supposed to. For listening to her heart just like what her friends told her to. For considering no one else but her own self. She hates herself for everything she did that she never regret. She just hates herself for being herself.
^_^
To My Dear Friend, Thanks For The Inspiration…And Like I Said, This Is None Of Your Freakin’ Business So For Those Who Were Not In The Picture, Big Appreciation If You Just F*ck-Off!

10 Things I Hate About You - Part 3 (A Poem)

I hate the way you looked that night
So perfect drowned me in to you
I hate the smell of your body
So manly makes me want to hold you like forever
I hate the way you looked at me when our eyes caught each other
The naughty thing that came from them that I like so much
I hate the way you talked to me that night
With your so called self confidence that I can never forget
I hate the way you introduced yourself
The strongest and warmest handshake that you showed me that night
I hate the fact that all of my friends adore you
The way they welcoming you in to our introvert group
I hate when you said that you wanted to kiss me
'Cause it makes me want to kiss you too
I hate the way you kissed me that night
So sweet and passionate that make me want for some more
I hate that we did it twice
'Cause it made me forgot that I've already have a man and it's definitely not you
But the most important thing is I hate myself
For committed another same old mistake that I've done before
^_^
To Ma Nu Dude, Thanks For The Inspiration..And No, This Is Nothing Like What You're Thinking, Guys..So Yeah, Please Don't Jump In To Any Conclusion Just Yet!

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

A Little Too Late (A Poem)

Seeing you with those sweet eyes
Locked me in to them, can never let go
And when u started those beautiful smiles
My world was stopped around that moment, you know
Your eyes gave me a sweet sensation
Your smiles as beautiful as those orchids that growth in the wild
So, who ever told you that I was letting go?
The only joy that I've ever know..Boy, they were lying
You're my world, you're my everything for the moment
Then how am I supposed to leave you now?
You're the little secret that I like to keep
So yeah, it's a little too late for me to deny you
I want to know how it feels to have you in my arms
I want to know how it feels to kiss the temptation
I want to know how it feels to make love with a guy like you
But how will I know, if I let you go?
So as you said, we should just let our life flow
Let the times make our worries disappear
Because Baby, it is a little too late now
For both of us to just walk away
^_^
Remembering DF Moment, To Ma Nu Dude..Thanks For The Inspiration..And Oh Yeah, Once Again For Those Who Were Not In The Picture, I Will Appreciate If You Just F*ck Off!